Manners Matter

When my kids were young, I didn't really think about manners as a 'parenting value'. I don't think many young moms did then. We just told our kids to be 'nice'!

I love how young moms use 'sign language' with their very young children long before they can speak! A simple 'sign' of 'please' or 'thank you' starts the young child to converse with abit of understanding that he/she needs to communicate in a certain way to get what they want.

Manners in conversation takes a long time to teach. It starts as you converse with your child. Eye contact and a kind voice will be duplicated by your child over the years if you are truly consistent with it yourself. Basic courtesy, such as treating your child as a participant in a conversation, is vital as a mom.


Children just naturally 'interrupt' when talking because everything is about them to begin with. It is easier to stop interruptions before they become a habit.

The holidays are a perfect time to work on manners and to build this value into your family.

Start early in November with family dinners. Light a candle and 'practice' manners as a family. Sorry, I wish I could say this only takes a few dinners to instill good habits. It takes years, but you will see progress if you stick with it.

If you entertain during the holidays, include your children for the first 5-10 minutes before you send them off to their bedrooms or to the babysitter. Let them see you and your guests interact. Again, let them be a participant not a performer when you have company. Your child will begin to see what manners are for and will eventually feel good about themselves that they know how to act in a formal setting.

I never found teaching manners was easy but as the years went by, I saw the fruits of my labor.

Start this holiday season and be intentional in passing on good manners.

Home Improvement...Summer Entertaining

In spite of the overwhelming response to my question, "What does Kate Spade think is the greatest gift you can give your guests when entertaining?"...no one got the right answer:) At least you didn't post it!

"Being gracious when you entertain is perhaps the greatest gift you can give to your guests," she says. "It signals acceptance and patience and a go-with-the-flow style that can accommodate spills...it is also about being generous." She admires hostesses who make her feel welcomed and relaxed in their homes.

"Making your guests feel at home is truly an art and it's one worth cultivating."

These tips are from Kate Spade's book, Occasions. A fun summer read.

"Entertaining begins with a dream--then quickly gets overtaken by reality, like the size of your living room!"

Here's a fun idea to consider; "Buy a white tablecloth. Have it emboidered with the names of your favorite foods or travel destinations."

Here's her suggestion for a Fourth of July party, "On the fourth, Andy and I always make sure we see a parade...the other thing we usually do is host an outdoor summer party. Rather than using basic hardware store coolers for all the beverages, last year Andy bought large blue and red tin tubs at Target. A friend who was staying with us for the weekend made a star stencil and painted a random pattern all over the outside of the tubs using white paint. We filled them with ice and used them to keep everything cold at our picnic."

Use this weekend to bring some beauty and fun into your home. Gear up for a 4th of July celebration or be ready to host an 'un-occasion' some time soon. PLAN to be a gracious hostess even if it is a simple picnic with your kids. HAVE FUN

Keep it Simple...

Happy New Year!!!

Having company for New Year's Eve? Make your table look special, without alot of fuss. I started this tradition with my family when the kids were really young, so if you just have your family sitting down for the festivities, add a little intrique by including the following:

CANDY... for sweet adventures in the New Year!

AN APPLE... for a New Year of smiles!

COAL... for love and warmth throughout the New Year!

PEANUTS (in the shell!)...a New Year of surprises!

Scatter some of the items around the table, putting an apple on each plate. A quick note written on the computer could sit beside each place-setting to explain your wishes for each of your loved ones.
Simple, but it works to stimulate a discussion for everyone's dreams for the New Year!

Have a Happy New Year's Eve!!

Our First Thanksgiving...the rest of the story!

Our 'Homemakers with Hope's' first Thanksgiving was so special to me in so many ways. It was a night for just girls and we all seemed to appreciate all the work that Betsy put into the evening. As we sat around the table after we had eaten everything in sight, she shared a few tips about baking her 'first turkey' dinner.
'Preparation was the key', she said. She said she had to plan ahead, make lists and make all the details come together. She purchased a large roaster to accomodate the turkey and used it as a buffet server during our meal. She justified buying it because it was on sale and it was an item she would use for many years to come. (I applaud her for seeing the big picture and investing in her homemaking skills!) She said she learned that she needed to allow more time for the 'bird' to thaw out.
I share these comments with you, knowing you can get full instructions about putting on a Thanksgiving feast from many sites on the internet...but what you get on Homemakers with Hope is the 'rest of the story'.
Betsy prepared this huge 'spread' for us, complete with place cards, candles, pumpkin centerpieces, a gift for each of us and so much more. We were distracted as we entered however, because her husband was lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by a turkey carcass in the trash, potatoes boiling on the stove, and gravy waiting to be thicken. Betsy quickly explained that both the disposal and dishwasher was inoperable! Dinner sort of stood still as her husband wrestled with the tools. All of us girls worked around his body trying to get our contribution to the dinner in the oven, in the frig, or wherever it needed to go. At one point I stood aside and looked at all the commotion, only to marvel at how everything was coming together inspite of the blips along the way. Betsy's relaxed mental attitude was the key. She was busy getting us hot apple cider and encouraging us to put our food out on the buffet table.
She was modeling for each of us the difference between hospitality and entertainment. Sure, she provided entertainment for us as her husband laid on the kitchen floor and she stepped over him to make the gravy and mash the potatoes, but her first thought was to be hospitable. To welcome us into her home and make us feel so loved. I bet the first Thanksgiving had many interruptions and unmet expectations too. Our Homemakers 'First Thanksgiving' will be memorable BECAUSE of the interruptions and the lessons we learned from our hostess.

One Quick Tip

Here's a quick clean up tip I've used over the years. When company is coming, get a laundry basket and fill it with all the miscellaneous items that are not where they belong. Stash it in a closet. Then after your company is gone and your house is still tidy, take your basket and put the items back where they belong!

A mental checklist

From a young woman's perspective, I think our society puts great emphasis on entertaining. It is so easy for my generation to get caught up in entertaining. Magazines, television shows and retail stores offer everything we need to be the perfect hostess: the right dishes, the right furniture, the right recipes, the right atmosphere.

I admit that I get caught up in it as well. I find that there is a very fine line between wanting to provide a cozy, welcoming environment in my home and desiring to present the perfect meal in our perfectly decorated home. I enjoy cooking. I love baking. But having people over for a meal can stress me out. The reason? I'm pretty sure it's because I am striving to entertain rather than offer Godly hospitality. I usually find myself impatient with Ryan as I am preparing for guests to arrive.

Maybe I need to go through a mental attitude checklist whenever I am getting ready to have others over:
Am I striving for perfection or excellence?
Am I creating an atmosphere of love and acceptance?
Am I desiring to impress or to celebrate?
Am I listening for compliments or seeking to be sensitive to the Spirit?

It's these kind of questions that will enable me to offer Godly hospitality and resist the urge to entertain in style.

A Heart for Hospitality

Everyone wants a heart for hospitality, I think. It just sounds friendly. It sounds like the thing ‘to do’. It’s the Christian Way. To be hospitable is to have a virtue that most people admire. I have found over the years that to ‘be hospitable’ and ‘to entertain’ are really two different activities. I think on the eve of Easter, it’s an appropriate time to share what I have learned about true hospitality because I believe everyone can develop a heart for it and it may lighten your load as you look ahead to a busy weekend with family.
First, hospitality is for everyone. It is not optional and it isn’t just for the ‘gifted’. Martha Stewart may discourage many of us who aren’t as crafty as her into thinking if we can’t have everything perfect, we can't be hospitable. If we are striving for ‘perfection’ we may have ‘entertaining’ on our minds. Heb 13:2 says “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it”. No one has an excuse to neglect hospitality.

Secondly, when I focus on having a welcoming spirit, my celebrations seem to come together by themselves. If I am straining to hear compliments from my guests on how great things look or taste, I may be trying too hard to ‘entertain’. If I truly enjoy my company, they can relax and be renewed no matter what transpires. What a great help that has been for me. I can adjust my attitude and extend a welcoming spirit much easier than putting on a 4 course meal. If popcorn and a board game is all that is required to be ‘hospitable’, I can handle that!

Finally, entertaining can often be ‘self-centered’…wanting to show others how good I am at impressing them. Creating an atmosphere for hospitality in my home means that I need to be ‘other-centered’! That is always refreshing to remind myself when I am tearing around the house to get it all to ‘look just right’. Instead, if I concentrate on asking questions of my guests, showing interest in them and extending a listening ear, I will have achieved the ’perfect setting’ for my gathering.

Easter isn’t about choosing the right center piece and or trying a new dessert recipe for Homemakers with Hope. It is about extending true hospitality…learning from Jesus who gave of Himself. Jesus’ whole ministry was based on hospitality and loving one another. Jesus Christ came just to be with us. He didn’t come to be entertained or impressed. He came just to be with us. I am going to remember to put on my welcoming spirit and receive others into my home to celebrate that God loves me just the way that I am. That is the Christian Way and that is why we are all encouraged to develop a Heart for Hospitality.