Final Words

In the Bible, in Titus 2, the older woman is instructed to train younger women...

It doesn't say the older woman needs to know it all. It doesn't say the older woman knew it all when she was a younger woman! I think the older woman is instructed to train younger women so they both continue to grow and learn and continue to develop a relationship with Christ and others.

I wasted many a year on futile things but God was patient with me. What I've been sharing with you this week is insight I wished I had grasped when I was a young mom. I was busy and distracted. It was easier to 'do' for God than to 'be' with Him daily.

I would like to complete my thoughts of the last few days with just a couple of things I wished I had known when my Homemaker friend asked if she should play it safe and not speak up about her faith in Christ. I would answer:

1. Spend time with God daily. How? I don't know. How do you spend time with anyone that you want a quality relationship with? You'll find a way if you really see that you NEED God daily.

2. BE with God all throughout the day. Christ lives in you, be in constant communication with Him. Lose confidence in your own efforts...believe that God is able where you are not.

3. Focus on being what you ought to be and God will give you plenty to do. God is not interested in what you can do for Him; He is far more interested who you are. Pride motivates us to do.

4. Be very mindful of your friends. Iron sharpens iron. Be sure the women you have in your life on a constant basis are iron! Not all friends will sharpen you! Make sure they are living with the realization that Christ is living in them and is empowering them daily.


Focus on these 4 things and you won't have to worry whether you step out in faith and then get hit with tough stuff in life. Tough stuff will happen either way... growing your relationship with God means you will have the one resource of strength that will never 'leave you or forsake you'.

Elephants and Mosquitoes!

A pastor told me once that he thought that the average Christian dealt with the stampede of the elephants better that the onslaught of mosquitoes.

What he meant was when we are face with the tough stuff in life we often shut down all options and go to God. He is there to help when trials come.

When the daily mosquitoes bother us we tend to swat and apply lotion, but it is all done in our own effort. God isn't called upon to deal with mosquitoes.

But that isn't what God intended.

If Christ is living in me, He sees the mosquitoes.

He feels the mosquitoes.

He can deal with the irritation and often irradicate them, but we are usually so used to being in control, we just put up with the problems.

We also are a 'chip off the old block'. Eve taught us to seek to be wise...in our own efforts. She reached out for the tree that would make her 'like God'. So too, we have a natural tendency to be our own god for everyday living.

Why don't we seek God's help in the little irritations of life? Why don't we consult with Him when we have daily decisions to make? Why do we muddle along in relationships and be satisfied if they just 'look good.'

Pride.

The original sin.

One aspect of pride is an independent spirit. It is saying to God, whether consciously or subconsciously, "I don't need You."

Every sin can ultimately be traced back to pride. Pride says "I have a right to what I want; I am what matters."

Then we lead our lives controlling as much as we can including how we please God. We begin 'doing' and 'striving' and making our lives look like we are depending on God while all the while we try to control the details of our lives. It's safe. It's predictable. It's pride. Life will come crashing down when the tough stuff happens if all our days are orchestrated by us.


Bob George, in his book Complete in Christ says a person can be a 'theoretical Christian" and live as a 'practical atheist'.

"A practical atheist is someone who, regardless of his doctrinal beliefs, approaches life as if he were the only resource available."

My original Homemakers group may not have questioned stepping out with our faith if we dealt with the 'mosquitoes' in our life with Christ in us. If we had spent more time seeing God's activity in our daily life we all would have had the confidence to know that God would be there for us when life got difficult.

Life in general is hard...life as a follower of Jesus means we have the best resource available in good times and tough times...Christ in us.

The Tough Stuff

I think all of us realize it's not a matter of IF we will have tough stuff happen to us in life, it's just a matter of WHEN we will get bowled over by hard circumstances.

Whether we are Followers of Christ or not, tough stuff comes into everyone's life in some way, at some time. Life is hard.
I think there was a time in my life when I was hoping I could tiptoed around and avoid times of stress and heartbreak. Those were the days when I was trying to control my life.

Galations 2:20 changed my perspective:

"I have been crucified with Christ, I myself no longer lives, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Christ didn't just die so I could have eternal life, He died and rose again so He could live with me daily. I no longer had to be fearful that I couldn't handle all that might come into my life, I just needed to spend time with God and know Him so well that I could truly believe that I was able to "do all things through Him who made me strong.''

As Heidi said, "He is my portion"
She can say this because she has a deep and abiding relationship with Christ. She can trust His promises.

I like how the Message translation puts it: "I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not mine, but it is lived by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave His life for me."

I don't need to prove to God I can handle the tough stuff. I don't need to prove to myself or others that I can handle the tough stuff. I can't...but God in me can.

Sounds so simple, doesn't it when it is written down in a few sentences, so why don't we draw upon the fact that Christ is living in us all the time?

Ponder that question and I'll address that tomorrow!

Tough Stuff

I belonged to a Homemakers group when I was a young mom. About 15 moms met once a month and we talked about most everything. I remember one intense discussion when one of the moms voiced what I think all of us were thinking, but didn't have the nerve to speak up.

She said something like, "Sometimes I think it would be safer if I just didn't go out on a limb for God. I am scared that if I really take a stand with my faith, God will test me and I will just be asking for hard times"

I remember thinking at the time that maybe that made sense.

I also remember none of us responded with a good answer.

Are we to live 'under the radar' so maybe God will not test us too heavily?

I was reminded of my friend's statement when I read Heidi's postings last week. The first time I met Heidi, I was blown away by her strong stand for the Lord. Her desire to follow Him and know Him has been such a focus of her life and it is just a part of who she is. Did she set herself up for tough times since she verbalized her faith so boldly?

If my Homemaker friend made that same statement today, I think I might have an answer that would have been good for me to have known as a young mom.

Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). That doesn't sound like we are to be living 'under the radar' to avoid having tough stuff in our lives. But so many women I talk to today say they aren't really living an abundant life whether they have tough issues or not. "The Christian life is just hard."

I think that the Christian Life is hard today because to us it is a performance...to the people of the New Testament it was an experience.

If we have to 'perform' each day to 'live the Christian Life' it will not only be hard...it will be impossible.

When my friend asked if she should live a safe life without taking a stand for the Lord, I think she was fearful that she wouldn't be able to perform and live a Christian life well if the road got too hard.

What I didn't understand then was that the good news of the gospel wasn't just that Christ came to die for me, but that He came to give His life to me.

Romans 5:10 says, "If, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved by His life!"

God isn't here to test me, He is here to live His life through me.

I think I will talk about this abit more this week. It may not be as fun as some of the topics we cover in this blog...but I think it may be one of the more important ones we discuss.

Joy in serving

I think part of serving at Christmas is remembering...

If serving comes from a heart of gratitude than we need to remember our blessings and serving will come easier.

However, this time of year can be very difficult for some people. I know there are people who are finding it tough to be thankful and are lacking in the area of joy.

These people are still waiting on the Lord for their unanswered prayer. They are waiting to hear the results of a medical test. They are watching their marriage fall apart. Their family is not talking with one another. They have experienced loss and this will be the first Christmas without a loved one. A relationship has left them broken and filled with pain. They are job less and money is scarce during 'the most wonderful time of the year.'

For those of you who might find yourself in this category - it's ok. It's ok to hurt. To be angry. To ask God your questions. To cry.

But through that pain-filled heart I still encourage you to look around and find the blessings in your life.

Then find someone to whom you can be a blessing. You might think you have nothing to offer if you are broken or sad or lonely this Christmas. But in reality, you can bring immense joy to others when you serve them out of a heart that is hurting. What a precious gift you give to another when you serve in the midst of your own pain or loss.

God will honor that. He will bless that. And I believe, you will find a joy that comes, not from your circumstances, but from deep within.

"The only ones around you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. " - Albert Schweitzer

Waiting

Today we are waiting...

Waiting to get our pre-adoptive custody order. Waiting for the 10-day period to go by so the consent to adopt from the birth mom will be final. Waiting for the 30 days that need to pass for the birth dad's rights to be relinquished.

It is hard to wait, but this waiting is different than the waiting I've done in my past.

It is hopeful waiting.

It is also a shorter waiting period compared to the three years we have waited on the Lord to grow our family.

But still....it is waiting.

During my three-year season of waiting I came across this poem. It spoke directly to the hurt, pain and longing that comes with waiting. It challenged me and encouraged me in my waiting. It reminded me that my wait wasn't worthless. My wait wasn't wasted. My wait was part of God's plan for me to truly know Him.

Whatever kind of waiting you are facing today - hopeful waiting, sad waiting, discouraged waiting, painful waiting, anxious waiting - my desire is that this poem speaks to your heart to remind you that it's worth the wait:


The Wait Poem
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still “WAIT.”

Answered prayer?

It has been such a delight to hear the many many stories of people who have prayed for Ryan and I during the past few years....through the miscarriages, through the infertility, through the heartache and longing.

Just this week I got an e-mail from a friend's mother-in-law who told me she prayed for Ryan and I on Sept. 20 of this year. She wrote in her journal asking God to give us a baby by Sept. 20, 2009. She thought that meant we would have to get pregnant in the next few months because how could we possibly get a baby that quickly if we hadn't started the adoption process?

I also heard that a friend of both my and Ryan's parents has had her small group praying for us for a long time. We have never met this small group and probably never will.

I have four women from my church who I consider mighty prayer warriors who have lifted up Ryan and I and our desire for a baby for many months.

My mother-in-law meets regularly with a few other women to pray for one another's children. I know they have faithfully prayed for Ryan and I for years.

We have friends who fasted and prayed for us after we had our second miscarriage.

These are just a few of the examples of how others have interceded on our behalf and how God responded to those prayers with a miracle.

I heard Beth Moore say that just because you haven't seen an answer to your prayer doesn't mean it hasn't already been answered....maybe it just hasn't come to fruition yet. It is quite possible that three years ago when I prayed for a baby, and when so many others prayed as well, God answered our prayers immediately.

But we didn't see the answer to that prayer until now.

I believe He waited so that He would receive the glory and honor.

I hope each and every one of you are rejoicing with us because if you prayed, this is YOUR miracle too.

Be encouraged friends: God hears your prayers.

A bucket full of sadness

Some people hide their pain. When they've experienced a loss they shut down, hold the hurt inside and try to make it through the day believing in time it will hurt less.

Some people are very private and only share their pain with a select few people with whom they deeply trust.

I, on the other hand, am not necessarily a private person. And when I experience pain and heartache, I need to tell others. I need their prayers. I do not want to walk the road of loss alone.

Here is the quote I tried to reference Tuesday about tears. It explains what is on my heart about others grieving alongside us. This is the quote word-for-word from the author:

So many people are afraid to bring it up. They don’t want to upset me. But my tears are the only way I have to release the deep sorrow I feel. I tell people: “Don’t worry about crying in front of me or be afraid that you will make me cry! Your tears tell me you care, and my tears tell you what you’ve touched me in a place that is meaningful to me- and I will never forget your willingness to share my grief.”

In fact, it is those who shed their tears with me that show me we are not alone. It often feels like we are carrying this enormous load of sorrow, and when others shed their tears with me, it is like they are taking a bucket full of sadness and carrying it for me. It is, perhaps, the most meaningful thing anyone can do for me.

Loss is a part of life and as women we have no choice but to learn how to deal with it. If you feel awkward about another's loss, my advice is simple: get over it. It's not about you anyway.

Here's one last quote that's a gentle reminder about our role in times such as these: "It's not so much what you say to someone grieving, but who you are for that person in his or her crisis."

Do you know who you are when crisis hits? Don't wait another day to find out.

Tough Times Require Good Friends

When I had undiagnosed pneumonia and was sicker than a dog, my sister dropped off a fresh pot of turkey noodle soup for my family.

When my father was dying from cancer... his faithful friend, Don came every week just to sit by his bedside.

When I was taking care of my ailing mother month after month...a young mom and her 2 young daughters, seeing my exhaustion, surprised me by delivering a full meal to my family.

When I was frantic when my husband made a big career change...and a friend sent a note of encouragement.

Gerald Sittser makes a good point in his book, A Grace Disguised; "Loss is loss, whatever the circumstances. All losses are bad, only bad in different ways...what value is there to quantifying and comparing losses?"

Loss of health
Loss of mobility
Loss of job
Loss of loved ones
Loss of home

I used to think that there was a hierarchy in suffering and loss. Some situations required more consolation and other situations required less. A phone call was ok for one loss while a visit was mandatory for a loss that was greater. While there may be something to that, life has taught me that loss is loss and my friends have made a difference in my life at all different levels of loss.

Friends have taught me to:
1. Be myself...reach out to others in a way that fits me and my friend.
2. Do something...a call, a card, a hug, a visit. I have learned to acknowledge loss with my friends.
3. Be observant...know when to go home, when to help out with housework, when to send another note.
4. Pray...really pray, don't just say I am going to!

Life may be hard, but having good friends walk along side me has made the journey abit easier.

Rejoice with those who rejoice

Mourn with those who mourn....

I have always loved that verse and I strive to live it out. When we found out we were expecting in the middle of August, my husband said, "Now is the time to rejoice." Initially I was hesitant and cautious, fearing what could happen, but my husband was adamant we celebrate our miracle of life.

So we did. We went out to breakfast, out to dinner, planned, dreamed and shared our excitement. We got baby books and looked up things online about the size of our baby each week. We told our families and a few friends.

And last Thursday when we learned our baby had died, we have experienced the second half of that verse lived out for us. Family, friends and co-workers have mourned alongside us with prayers, calls, flowers, food, cards, and e-mails.

Often people say I don't know what to say...and that's ok because we don't know what to say either. It's ok to say you don't know what to say. It's not ok to say nothing at all.

An insightful comment by author Nancy Guthrie says that she learned through her grief not to be ashamed of tears. The tears of others made her realize her pain had touched them deeply. If something they said led her to tears that meant their words touched her deeply. Either way, tears show care and concern and genuine empathy.

I read an article by Jill Briscoe one time that talked about the ministry of presence. She said it is good to send gifts and Bibles and study materials to people living in other countries, but it is another thing to offer the ministry of presence.

I have appreciated the prayers of many and the practical gifts like food and unpacking and doing things around my home.

But it is the ministry of presence that touches me so dearly. I am so thankful for those who have offered the ministry of presence in my life during the last week.

When someone is grieving, the ministry of presence allows them to talk, process, ask the hard questions and sometimes to laugh. We still need laughter in the midst of our pain.

This ministry of presence is so powerful. And this week God has taught me through the hands and feet and presence of others.

"Blessed Are Those Who Mourn"

The alarm went off at 4:10AM this morning. My body jumped out of bed before my mind knew where I was going.

Then I remembered. It was Monday, the day Stacy was scheduled for surgery. It was still dark when I met them and we quietly and prayerfully drove to the hospital.

What do you say to someone in the midst of grief? How was I to handle my own grief and yet be strong for them? Experience with grief doesn't make it any easier. Everyone deals with loss and pain differently.

Over the weekend I re-read a favorite book, A Grace Disguised, by Gerald Sittser. What insight this author has as a result of a personal tragedy:

"Depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul...It is not something to escape but something to embrace. Jesus said, 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.' Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss are living authentically in a world of misery, and it espresses the emotional anguish of people who feel pain for themselves and others. Sorrow is noble and gracious. It enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, of feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time. However painful, sorrow is good for the soul."

I held on to that thought all day today. I wasn't quick to turn from the sorrow our family felt.

My prayer is that as my soul enlarges as I embrace the sorrow, I will be better able to comfort others who mourn.

Home Improvement...Do a Hard Thing

Wow, when we started this week, we were focusing on CHOOSING to do a hard thing, not having it forced on us. There is a difference.

Yesterday was indeed a reminder of all the hard things we all endure during our lifetime.

911 will forever be etched in everyone's minds.

9/11/08 will be etched in my family's mind as the day we found out that Stacy and Ryan's baby did not have a heartbeat; that the yolk-sac had collapsed; that they would miscarry and not carry their baby to full turn...after a long 2 year struggle to get pregnant.

A very hard thing.

I guess the best challenge for Home Improvement this weekend, whether it is to encourage myself or others to Do a Hard Thing...chosen or forced upon us, is to Do the Next Thing. That was the advice given to Elizabeth Elliot after her missionary husband had been murdered by the very people he was trying to help. She couldn't move past her grief. She couldn't focus or function...and a wise woman advised her to "to do the next thing". Upon hearing that advice, Elizabeth got up and changed her young daughter's diaper.

Nothing heroic, nothing profound, but it was putting one foot ahead of the other that got Elizabeth moving again.

If you have chosen to 'Do a Hard Thing' this week or have been Given a Hard Thing that seems too hard to take on, make this weekend a time to just do the NEXT thing.

I didn't know

When I started this week and wrote about choosing to do hard things in life, I didn’t know.

When I wrote about struggles and challenges and difficult things we face in life, and doing the hard thing in spite of them, I didn’t know.

When I quoted the Do Hard Things book that says doing hard things causes you to grow, I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that this week I would cry buckets of tears.

I didn’t know that this week I would be waking up and wanting to go back to bed because it felt like a nightmare come to life.

I didn’t know this week I would have to Do really Hard Things.

I didn’t know this week, for the second time in my three-year journey to motherhood, I would miscarry my baby.

I didn’t know this week my hard thing to do would be telling two sets of loving parents they lost a grandbaby – again.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be to love my husband when I just want to lash out in hurt, anger and frustration.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be trusting a God whose ways I cannot comprehend or understand.

I didn't know this week the hard thing to do would be making recovery plans for tomorrow and the next day and the next, instead of making celebration plans.

I didn’t know. But now I do. And I don’t want to do any of these hard things.

Home Improvement

Today I'll leave you with the questions that we started with this week. Please take the time to deliberately ask yourself these questions. When you do, think about your family (parents, in-laws, siblings, spouse, children), your friends, your co-workers, your social circle and relationships or friendships from your past.

"Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? Am I proud? Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?"

"Is there someone who, when I think of them, I feel hurt and wish revenge? Is there someone who, every time I see the person or think of the person, a sharp page of resentment flares up as I perceive how they have done me wrong?"

It takes courage to answer these questions honestly. It takes perseverance and strength to daily deal with the issues of the heart....be it envy, greed, impatience, anger, bitterness, self-righteousness, a critical spirit or pride.

Just last night I found myself in a situation that was painful for me - the situation was a result of life circumstances, nothing more. No one wronged me, but I still had to acknowledge the hurt, realize it was turning into anger and judgment, and confess it. Oh, it's so not easy, but neither is the alternative.

I realized this morning that the lessons I'm learning can be applied to so many areas of my life. This is not something I will learn and apply and leave behind. These heart issues will need to be addressed continually and I will have to make the choice daily how I deal with them.

May each of you find healing as you address the issues in your heart and may you find that walking in freedom is the best gift of all.

Thank you for letting me share my heart this week. Thank you for allowing me to be authentic and honest with my struggles. Thank you for listening to me and loving me in spite of myself.

Be blessed my friends!

To be...or not to be?

This week we’ve talked about recognizing a bitter root, finding freedom from living in bondage, confessing it, and choosing forgiveness. Much of what I’ve been writing about this week is based off Ephesians 4:31 which tells me to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

So in studying this passage, I asked myself, “If I am getting rid of those emotions, what am I replacing them with?”

Verse 32 says to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I decided to make a list of everything I could find in Ephesians that told me ‘how to be.’

This is the list I came up with:

Be…
an imitator of the Lord
filled with the Spirit
completely humble and gentle
patient
made new in the attitude of my mind
kind
compassionate
forgiving
careful how I live, not as unwise, but as wise
strong in the Lord and in His mighty power

As we work to rid ourselves of bitterness and resentment, we can replace those unhealthy emotions with things like compassion, humility, gentleness, and patience. We can choose to be an imitator of the Lord. We can pray to be filled with the Spirit. We can strive to live carefully and wisely.

It won’t happen overnight. But friends, if we persistently and faithfully seek the Lord, and desire to be all He is calling us to be, I strongly believe that we WILL be made new in the attitude of our mind.

Note: I covet your prayers as I continue to deal with the issues in my heart. I am so thankful we have a God of mercy and grace to meet us in our time of need. If you are struggling with a heart of resentment or bitterness, or God has revealed an area of unforgiveness in your life, please let me know. I would love to pray for you. I know God desires to bring healing to your heart.

Choose wisely

I heard this statistic recently: 70% of people are angry about something. As we’ve discussed this week….bitterness is the unharvested fruit of anger.

In Andy Stanley’s book "It Came From Within," Andy says that the antidote to anger is forgiveness. “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a decision. Forgiveness is a way of life for the man or woman committed to keeping their hearts free of anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is the means by which we are to do away with our bitterness, rage and anger.”

Forgiveness is a tough topic.

Forgiveness requires action on our part.

Forgiveness cannot take place unless we have a genuinely repentant heart.

I so desire to immediately be rid of bitterness, anger and resentment in my heart. I want to wipe my hands and be on my way. But in my desire to deal with these emotions, I need to reconsider my motives and determine if I truly have a heart of repentance.

Wikipedia says that resentment will often manifest itself through the lack of forgiving, the unwillingness to let go and forget.

I talked with a wise older friend today and she encouraged me to look beyond the symptoms that are appearing in my life and get to the root of my bitterness….there could be issues from my childhood or my past that are causing me to respond with an attitude of bitterness and resentment. What am I unwilling to let go of and forget from my past? What hurt and pain am I clinging to?

The more time I spend reading, writing and learning about bitterness, the more I want to run in the opposite direction.

But as a woman striving to live wisely, I have no choice. Tom Drout says, “We cannot live with bitterness because it will first manifest itself in our spirit, then in our emotions, and finally in our bodies.”

If I want to build my home, build my family, build my relationships, I must deal with the issues of the heart. I must ask God to show me where I have unforgiveness lurking in dark corners. If I do not choose to forgive, I will walk in bitterness and that bitterness will affect my spouse, my family members and my relationships with those I care about.

Lets determine to be among the 30% of people who have chosen to replace their anger with forgiveness. Lets walk in the peace and freedom that comes from choosing forgiveness. It’s not a feeling. It’s a choice.

Lets choose wisely today.

The bondage of bitterness

Yesterday I shared a little of my own journey in discovering and dealing with the bitterness that has taken residence in my heart.

How can you tell if you harbor bitterness? Here's a simple test you can take. Ask yourself these questions: "Is there someone who, when I think of them, I feel hurt and wish revenge? Is there someone who, every time I see the person or think of the person, a sharp page of resentment flares up as I perceive how they have done me wrong?"

Now don't just keep reading. Stop and really ponder this question. Ask yourself if there is anyone in your life (or past) who still brings hurt to your heart.

If you are like me, and you take some time to really dig deep, you just may find there is a bit of bitterness lodged in your heart with regard to that person(s). You may also discover that you've been pretty good at covering it up. I've learned that bitterness lies just beneath the surface....just like roots. You can't see them, but they are there. And man can they be powerful!

Ephesians 4 has been a guide for me during this process of discovering and dealing with bitterness. Verse 31 says to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander.

Do you see the command there? Get rid of.....

To get rid of we need to dig out the bitter root. We need to recognize if we have bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander. We need to confess it.

After weeks of reading about bitterness and resentment and praying about it and talking about it, I finally got down to the business of confessing it. There is freedom in saying out loud, "Lord, I confess I have bitterness toward _____ for _____."

I know that people live in bondage to a lot of things: alcoholism, drugs, pornography, greed, depression, anxiety and eating disorders. But it didn't dawn on me that I was living in bondage too.

Remember that bitterness toward another person affects you more than them. While you might view your anger as justified and your hurt and resentment as your way of hurting the one who hurt you, bitterness will ultimately harden your heart and affect your relationships.

When I read that I could be free of the bondage of bitterness I almost cried for joy. Dear friends, lets claim the beautiful truth that Christ has come to set us free....lets walk in freedom together.

A root revelation

If you're reading this and don't know me personally, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about three years. We've been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and although we had a miscarriage two years ago, we haven't been able to get pregnant since. If you're interested, you can read more about this from a series of postings I wrote last year. Scroll down to July 9 and read July 9-13.

Recently a friend asked how I was doing in this area of my life and I shared with her that while I am fine with being around babies (for the most part) it is very difficult for me when friends and family are pregnant. I told her "I just really have a problem with pregnant women."

She looked at me with kind, loving eyes and asked, as a good friend should, "Do you think there is something you should do about that?"

My first reaction was to stubbornly say, "No!" I didn't want to deal with whatever hurt or pain was in my heart that causes me to struggle with being around pregnant women.

But her question started me on a journey that I never expected to go down.

During the last few weeks, as I have I pondered her question, I have come to realize that I have allowed the pain, hurt and anger of three years of infertility to harden parts of my heart.

God has brought to light the people in my life that I am resentful toward - for achieving pregnancies easily, for not being sensitive to my struggle or for never acknowledging what I am going through. I realized I was also angry at God for allowing every person in my life (or so it seemed) to get pregnant - except for me.

This realization hit me with full force when I read the following question one morning during my devotional time: "Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? Am I proud? Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?"

While all those questions are important, did you read the last one? "If so, what am I doing about it?"

Well for three years I haven't done a thing about it. I have just clung to my hurt, pain, longing, and anger. I felt justified in holding on to these feelings and they became a crutch that I clung to in tough moments and on hard days.

My crutch came tumbling down when I read this: Bitterness will end up affecting you more than anyone else.

I doubt any of the people I hold resentment and bitterness toward have any idea that I feel this way. I am very good at covering it up. While in my mind I might have been thinking "I'll show them," I have discovered that it hasn't really affected anyone but me.

Did you know that bitterness is the unharvested fruit of anger?

My bitterness toward other people and toward God was really displaced anger. Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

Friends, I have allowed a bitter root to grow in my heart. I identify with the author who wrote, "I hadn't intended to let bitterness grow within my heart, but I hadn't actively prevented it either."

It was painful when I discovered that bitter root. It's deep and I don't want to let it go. But I also don't want to live a life of bitterness.

This week I'll be sharing the things I'm learning about recognizing resentment and bitterness in my heart, and how to begin dealing with it.

Today I'm wondering: is there any part of your heart that feels bitterness toward another? Someone who has wronged you? Someone who has hurt you either intentionally or unintentionally? A parent, spouse (or ex-spouse), a sibling or other family member, someone from a past relationship, a co-worker or boss, a neighbor, a friend, a trusted leader or role model in your life?

Let me ask you this question: Is there ANYONE whom you fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what are you doing about it?"

Does It Make A Difference?

When things are tough and days are long, does trusting God make a difference?

When hard things happen to friends and family...does my faith make a difference?

When I am tired of 'doing good' and 'thinking well', do my beliefs make a difference?

When I am tested in ways I do not want to think about, will my hope make a difference?

I ask myself when I am beaten down or fearful, if what I believe makes a difference in how I am responding and how I am reacting and I realize...

My relationship with God as my Friend and Savior does make a difference because

I AM DIFFERENT.

Maybe not to the extent that I want to be, maybe I can't handle it all, but He can and He is making the difference within me.
It is that 'difference' that keeps me going.

Eph 4:22 "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Light and truth

This morning a friend called with a family crisis that I've been praying about all day.

A few hours later another friend had a mammogram to check out a suspicious lump in her breast.

This afternoon a family friend had a court appointment to determine if he will get custody of his children.

This day has kept me on my knees and in constant conversation with the Lord. This morning I read in Psalm 43: Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me.

I'm praying for God's light and truth to prevail today. I'm praying for positive test results, decisions and conversations to take place. I'm praying for justice and truth to reign.

My husband is having a very stressful day at work and we are both a little stressed about all the details involving a move.

But you know what? In comparison to lumps and custody of your children and family emergencies....those things pale in comparison. It takes just one phone call to put everything back into perspective.

I am so thankful that we have God's Word to guide us. I am so thankful that I can pray, "Lord send forth your light and truth and may they guide each and every decision that is being made."

I am so thankful that God's light and truth gives us hope for each and every day.