I didn't know

When I started this week and wrote about choosing to do hard things in life, I didn’t know.

When I wrote about struggles and challenges and difficult things we face in life, and doing the hard thing in spite of them, I didn’t know.

When I quoted the Do Hard Things book that says doing hard things causes you to grow, I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that this week I would cry buckets of tears.

I didn’t know that this week I would be waking up and wanting to go back to bed because it felt like a nightmare come to life.

I didn’t know this week I would have to Do really Hard Things.

I didn’t know this week, for the second time in my three-year journey to motherhood, I would miscarry my baby.

I didn’t know this week my hard thing to do would be telling two sets of loving parents they lost a grandbaby – again.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be to love my husband when I just want to lash out in hurt, anger and frustration.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be trusting a God whose ways I cannot comprehend or understand.

I didn't know this week the hard thing to do would be making recovery plans for tomorrow and the next day and the next, instead of making celebration plans.

I didn’t know. But now I do. And I don’t want to do any of these hard things.