Friday, July 9

My Portion

Driving home from the cabin on Sunday night we noticed something a little different with our daughter. Almost immediately my heart sank. I was thinking to myself, "Is this when this disorder becomes real in our family?" Not just a diagnosis, but something we actually see symptoms from. Because NF is a progressive disorder, we do not know when or if she will experience the effects. As a mom I am left without any control over the situation. On Monday I called her clinic and waited for them to call me back. The clinic was closed and I had to wait until Tuesday for her doctor to respond. I felt that knot of worry in my stomach. I was praying that night and asking the Lord for this to be nothing. I told Him over and over that I my heart is not strong enough to deal with some of the consequences of NF. I told Him I will never be ready to walk down that road. On Tuesday morning I was listening to Shane Bernard's song called My Portion. Here are the words...

Whom have I in Heaven but You
I desire none but You
My heart and flesh may fail but You
Are the Strength of my heart, the strength of my heart

You are my portion forever
You are my portion forever
You are my portion forever
You are my portion forever

Did you see what I heard from the Lord that morning? He is the strength of my heart. I am right in saying that apart from Him my heart is not strong enough to deal with pain. I need Him. I really, really need Him. He is my portion.

Thankfully our doctor gave us great news on Tuesday afternoon that this symptom did not appear to be anything NF related. I praise the Lord for that. I also praise the Lord that in the midst of an uncertain time for me, God still assured my heart that He is with me. I am sure there are going to be more times of uncertainty but I will continue to turn to Jesus. He is my portion.

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