Tuesday, July 7

Marriage lessons

If you are a TLC fan I'm sure you are aware of the recent announcement that Jon and Kate (from Jon and Kate plus 8) are getting divorced.

I read an article featuring their family this week and it brought about a mixture of emotions in me: sadness, disappointment, anger, disbelief.

Yet, it is a situation that I feel I can learn from and that will spur me on to strengthen my own marriage.

This will not be a Kate-bashing session, but I want to share a few things that she said in this article that I disagree with.

I think what I struggle the most with are comments like these from Kate: "As always, my first priority remains our children."

Bottom line: I believe your first priority needs to be your marriage. 1 kid or 8 kids, your husband needs to be in first place and decisions need to be made that clearly communicate that your marriage is top priority.

Kate commented that there was no defining moment when she realized her marriage was broken. It was event after event that happened when she realized that Jon was not the person she married. Their goals, dreams and ideas don't match up anymore.

It would be sad to me if the person you married was the same person 10 years later. I am not who I was 10 years ago. Ryan is not who he was either. We've changed, matured, grew, sinned, gotten older (and heavier!) and experienced the joys and trials of life.... But we've made it a point to grow and change together. And in order for our dreams, goals and ideas to match up, our marriage has to be first. Otherwise how will a husband and wife have the time and energy to talk and discuss their dreams and goals? Because those change over time as well. If your marriage is not your number one relationship in your life, I have no idea how one can be certain that goals, dreams and ideas will be the same.

"I think for the past 10 years I was operating under the belief that marriage is forever. So I exhausted myself trying to do everything and make everything okay, when maybe it just couldn't."

This quote made me sad because God intended for marriage to be forever. I am sure Kate exhausted herself in many ways because the reality is that trying to raise 8 kids is exhausting....and when you give your husband the leftovers, I can only imagine how draining that would be. In no way will I claim to understand the challenges of raising 8 children, but I do know that you operate in your marriage based on one of two attitudes: that marriage is temporary or it is forever. If you believe it is forever, your actions will line up with that belief.

I don't mean to be overly critical toward Kate. She has been in the spotlight and now her private life is on display for everyone to discuss.

But I wanted to share my perspective about marriage and make this a place to talk about things I disagree with in our society.

Do you have an opinion on this topic or situation? Has it taught you a lesson in your own personal life? Please share, we'd love to hear your thoughts!

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