Reading with your Children about the Easter Story

I love children’s books. . .I always have. I love board books in particular. They last forever since they are so durable. They also stand up really well so they are fun to decorate the table with. My girls love to read together and I think finding books that tell the story at their level for any holiday is a great tradition to start with your family. I try to purchase one new book each year for each holiday (usually purchased the year before at an after holiday sale), that way I can add to my collection slowly. I usually put the books out on the counter or in a basket for the month leading up to the holiday and we read them whenever we get the chance. The girls also like having new books to look at and read on their own. Here are a few of my favorites for the Easter holiday.

What is Easter? By Michelle Medlock Adams

The Best Thing About Easter by Christine Harder Tangvold

The Story of Easter by Patricia A. Pingry

Tell me the Easter Story by Joni Walker

Let’s Celebrate Jesus on Easter by Amy Beveridge

Benjamin’s Box by Melody Carlson (this goes along with the resurrection eggs purchased from family life)

Please let me know if you have a good Easter book you share with your children. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter!

Making your own Resurrection Eggs

To make your own resurrection eggs you will need to gather the following items:

1 empty egg carton

12 plastic eggs-each a different color

small piece of fur fabric

3 coins

1 oyster cracker

1 prayer sticker

1 small piece of leather string

1 small piece of purple fabric

1 nail

dice

1 small piece of sponge

1 small piece of white fabric

verse sheet (see verses below)

(optional: number stickers to label the outside of your eggs)

All you need to do is place one item into each egg. The final egg being left empty to symbolize the tomb being empty. Below are the verses I used when we made our resurrection eggs. Use them to help you place the eggs in the correct order in the egg carton. These eggs are slightly different then the ones you purchase due to the fact that it is not easy to find a toy donkey or a plastic set of praying hands. This would really be a fun activity to do with your children or even as an outreach to your neighborhood. Please let me know if you have any questions. I hope you enjoy using your resurrection eggs to celebrate the real meaning of Easter with your children!

1. Matthew 21:1-9 (fur)

As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage on the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, "Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord needs them, and he will send them right away." This took place to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet: "Say to the Daughter of Zion, 'See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.' "The disciples went and did as Jesus had instructed them. They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the highest!"

2. Matthew 26:14-16 (coins)

Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

3. Matthew 26:26-28 (cracker)

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

4. Mark 14:32-42 (prayer sticker)

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him. Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

5. Matthew 27:26 (leather whip)

Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

6. Matthew 27:28-31 (purple cloth)

They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.

7. John 19:16-22 (nails/cross)

Finally Pilate handed him over to them to be crucified. So the soldiers took charge of Jesus. Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). Here they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle. Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. Many of the Jews read this sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Aramaic, Latin and Greek. The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, "Do not write 'The King of the Jews,' but that this man claimed to be king of the Jews." Pilate answered, "What I have written, I have written."

8. John 19:23-24 (dice)

When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. "Let's not tear it," they said to one another. "Let's decide by lot who will get it." This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled which said, "They divided my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing." So this is what the soldiers did.

9. John 19:28-30 (sponge)

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

10. Matthew 27:57-61(linen)

As evening approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who had himself become a disciple of Jesus. Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him. Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were sitting there opposite the tomb.

11. Matthew 28:1-3 (rock)

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow.

12. Matthew 28:5-8 (empty egg)

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.

Celebrating Easter with your Children

Next Sunday we will be celebrating Easter. How do you celebrate Easter? Do you put as much time into Easter as you do Christmas? I must admit that a few years ago I didn’t. Easter seems to be that one holiday that has successfully been taken over by our secular society and it makes me sad. Sad because while Christmas is so important in that God became man, but Easter is the holiday where we remember the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross so that we could be saved. If there were no Easter, we would not be able to spend eternity with our Lord.

I wondered if I didn’t celebrate because it is a hard topic to talk about with young children, after all Jesus died a horrible death on the cross. I think to some extent that is what kept me in the early years, but then I realized that yes, Jesus did die a horrible death and we need to remember the pain he went through on the cross to pay for our sin, but the real reason we celebrate Easter is that Jesus rose from the dead and while he is in heaven seated at the right hand of God, he left his spirit here on earth to live in each of us-wow! This is what I want to teach my girls. This is the holiday I want to put more time and energy into because while Easter Bunnies and Easter egg hunts are fun celebrations, without the resurrection of Jesus, we would have no Easter.

One way I found to help me teach my girls about Easter was through the Resurrection Eggs from family life. (www.familylife.com) These are a great tool to help you tell the resurrection story. Each egg contains a small object to help you tell the story. There is a booklet provided with each kit that includes a verse and a small description that you can share with your children. My girls love each year when I pull them out. They love to tell the story to each other or to guests when they come over. Last year I purchased a second kit, so each girl could have her own set. I placed number stickers on the outside of each egg to make it easier to keep the objects in the right egg. I also take them out of the plastic carton they come in and place them in different eggcups. I then use them as a centerpiece on the kitchen table and the dining room table throughout our Easter celebration. I allow my girls to play with the eggs as much as they want. I love the conversations that it brings up each year. I remember when Maddie was really too young to know what was really going on, Abigail spent so much time telling and re-telling the story using the eggs to Maddie. Maddie sat there and listened, holding each object, being so excited her big sister was sharing with her. I really cannot say enough good things about this product. I would highly recommend purchasing a set if you do not have one. But I also realize that some budgets are tight, so tomorrow I will share with you a set that I put together for my MOPS group a few years back that would be really easy to recreate on your own.

I would love to hear your ideas of how you make your Easter celebrations special for your children!

Good Reads

A MOPS mom recently introduced me to www.Goodreads.com

I have gone on it abit and it looks interesting.

Anybody familiar with this site? Would you recommend it as a site to track our reading? Please give us your feedback.

Have a great weekend...and read a good book!

Reading!

I love, love, love to read. It hasn't always been this way. I actually hated reading until a few years ago. I would read an occasional book on vacation but that was pretty much it. Before having children, I was a teacher and at times I would feel hypocritical encouraging my students to read and knowing that I wasn't doing it myself.

I am not sure what sparked my sudden interest in reading but whatever it is, I love it! I love that it engages my brain and takes me away from sitting in front of the TV. I am pretty picky when it comes to books that I will devote my time to, so I refuse to read trashy books. I want it to be a hobby that makes me smarter and not one that causes me to think about unfruitful things.

A couple of years ago Barb challenged us to read a book a month. I still try to complete this. It doesn't always have to be a specific genre...I just want to be continually reading and expanding my mind. If you would like to start reading a good book...here are a couple recommendations.

Crazy Love
Author: Francis Chan
Genre: Christian Literature
I highly recommend this book. It really renewed my excitement for a walk with Jesus. I again realized that a relationship with the Lord is an all-consuming way of life...not just a Sunday morning activity. So good.

The Help
Author: Kathryn Stockett
What a talented author! She writes from a variety of perspectives throughout the book and each character was incredibly entertaining. I couldn't put it down.

Cure for the Common Life

I am not a reader by nature. Some people love to read. They have stacks of books beside their beds and are often reading 3 or 4 books at one time. I like to refer to myself as a reader by choice. I see the benefits of reading and there are things I want to learn, so I read. That also leads me to sharing that I only read those things that I find might be beneficial to me in my everyday life. I do not just read to read and I do not remember the last fiction book I read. I am not saying the way I read is the right way, it is just the way I am. My husband and I used to read a ton of books together on marriage and parenting before we had kids, now not as much as either of us would like. But every now and then I make myself sit down and read a good book. Last month I did something like that. . .I listened to a book on tape while traveling up north. I listened to Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot by Max Lucado. Max Lucado just happens to be my husband’s favorite author and this is one book we had on audio that I had not read yet. I loved it! I was struggling with my theme for this year, but after listening to this book. . .it was clear. (We will be sharing our themes in a few weeks so I will wait to share. . .add a little suspense).

As I listened to this book I found myself being so thankful that there are talented people who write books that can speak so much truth in such an understanding and practical way. I was challenged and encouraged, but most of all reminded of where my focus needs to be. I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking for an easy read that refocuses you to look at yourself through God’s eyes and focus on living in your sweet spot.

Good Books

Several weeks ago I heard Dennis Prager interview John Rosemond, author of The Well-Behaved Child. I sat in my car and waited until the interview was over because I was so excited to hear what this author had to say. Lots of common sense, and effective ways to parent.

The book is chocked full of good stuff. I'll just give you a few highlights....

"The most obedient children are also the happiest children" (Parenting axiom Three)
This is just one of 5 axioms.

He maintains a parent needs to act like a leader:

He shares a Parenting Creed:
1. I know what I'm doing (I am decisive)
2. I know where I'm going (I have a vision that guides my decisions)
3. I know what I want (I am assertively direct; I don't beat around the bush when it comes to giving instructions)
4. I know I'm going to get it. ( I am positive, optimistic, self-assured, and inspiring; I bring out the best in people

Sounds like an intentional parent, doesn't it? So much of what he says is based on the parent knowing who he/she is. We talk about this in Homemakers all the time. No matter what age your child is...you will be a better parent if you know the direction in which you are going.

Rosemond contends that the majority of parents today are "stressed, uncomfortable in their authority and vague" when parenting their children.

The interview was so easy to listen to. I found myself saying 'Amen' to a few of his comments. The book has alot of stuff to take in and alot to apply but it is encouraging all along the way.

Near the end of the book he says to "make Proverbs 22:6 your vision statement":
"It's about your child's character, not his achievements; manners, not skills. Besides, people of good character figure out how to share their gifts with the rest of us."

Lots of common sense...and good ideas.

One Last Recommendation...

Happy Friday!

Here is one last site you might like to visit...www.simplemom.net.

Katy shared this one with me awhile back, this entry in particular if you are a mom...http://simplemom.net/10-questions-to-encourage-engaged-parenting-in-2010/

Hope you've enjoyed our favorites. Check them out...and then come back to Homemakers with Hope!

Websites I visit. . .

I also have a few websites that I can easily lose a huge amount of time at while searching for ideas and inspirations. The first two are jam packed with great ideas for kids crafts, party ideas, family traditions. . .love them!

http://familyfun.go.com/

http://www.marthastewart.com/crafts-for-kids

The next few websites are great for scrapbooking ideas as well as great inspiration. Enjoy!

http://stacyjulian.com/blog/

http://www.beckyhiggins.com/

Katy's Excellent Eight!

To add to the ‘be careful, this site may be addicting’ category of web-related references to share, here are my current “Excellent Eight”:If you haven’t already made the virtual acquaintance of the hugely successful blogger Ree Drummond, set a timer and then check out http://thepioneerwoman.com/ I absolutely adore her sense of humor and wish I had half her energy! Her blog is out of this world. Recipes, photography, hilarious stories from her life. She is just a crack up & feels like your new BFF in about 5 minutes.

If you are in despair about your digital photo organization (I once literally laid awake at night wondering how I could ever be SURE I had all my digital photos in the right place), try Picasa. http://picasa.google.com/mac/ (this is a link to the Mac version, but there is a PC version as well) It is AMAZING and…FREE! You’ve got to love those folks at Google.

If you are a digital scrapbooker with a big heart, you need to know about Songbird Avenue. Gorgeous products—all for a good cause! New kits monthly, reasonably prices at around $8. http://www.songbirdavenue.com/

If you are someone who is interested in digital scrapbooking but isn’t sure where to start, one of the best resources I’ve found is Jessica Sprague. She has amazing freebies and a wide variety of classes & tutorials on her website. Some are self-paced, which is wonderful for busy homemakers. Also of note: Sign up for her e-mail list and you will get info on “One-buck Wednesdays”—fun deals. http://www.jessicasprague.com/

Hopefully you’re already a fan of Carrie Rocha of Pocket Your Dollars. http://www.pocketyourdollars.com/ She has saved my family a LOT of $$$ in the last 9 months and is a local girl made good.

If you are interested in the subject of finances, one website I find consistently interesting is Get Rich Slowly. http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/ Thoughtful writing abounds. JD has recently finished a book which should be out soon.

And finally, I have two wonderful but different resources in the area of spiritual encouragement!
The first was shared with me by a fellow LifeKeys attendee (boy, that should get a recommendation too—LifeKeys is great!) and is a concise daily devotional that I’ve really enjoyed seeing in my inbox each morning! http://www.thewordfortoday.com.au/

My last share is a fun blog—that of Lysa TerKeurst, founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries. http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ I first heard of Lysa at a Hearts at Home conference and she is transparent, hilarious, inspiring, and about as humble as anyone you’re likely to meet. In other words, a fellow ‘Homemaker’

Thanks for this posting, Katy!

The Best of the Best?!

Ever felt there is too much information for you to absorb? I have, so this week let's share the GOOD stuff.

Here are a few websites I have enjoyed:

www.Onelook.com is perfect for people like me who loves definitions.

www.askdrsears.com is great for moms with questions about her kids' health

www.sparkpeople.com perhaps has too much, but is interesting to check out...about heath, etc

www.curlygirldesign.com fun, fun, fun

www.moneysavingmom.com freebies, coupons, giveaways, etc

WARNING: these sights may be hazardous to your intentional living creed...you can really spend more time than you ought on them. Enjoy

Living Intentionally as a Follower of Jesus...

So how does the intentional woman fit Jesus in her life?



She recognizes that Knowing God is the greatest pursuit of her life... and then she orders her life around that relationship.

Knowing Jesus

I am currently in the midst of a crazy week. We have had extreme highs, and extreme lows... and I am tired. Really tired. And yet I am experiencing God's peace. This peace is not coming because I went to church on Sunday. It isn't coming because I went to MOPS this morning and sat with some of my Christian friends, it isn't here because of anything I have done, it is here because I know Jesus. I have gotten to know Him through reading the Bible, praying, and spending time with other believers... but those activities have only been fruitful in my life when I am doing them for the sole purpose of knowing Jesus more. Doing these things out habit or routine, as I've certainly experienced during phases of my walk with Jesus... does nothing to further His kingdom and doesn't allow me to get to know who it is that I am putting my hope in.

Living Intentionally. . .

Barb asked in Monday’s post as well as at our homemakers meeting. . . what does Living Intentionally mean when it comes to our life as a Jesus Follower? What does that look like in your life...or should look like, what would you say?

The typical Christian answer might be:

Someone who reads her bible daily

Someone who prays throughout the day

Someone who goes to church both Wednesday and Sunday

Someone who volunteers at church. . .

Does that sound familiar? While all these things are good things to be doing. . .I think we often get caught up in the doing and miss what living intentionally as a follower of Jesus really is. It may seem a little like semantics, but hang with me for a minute. One of my husband’s and my favorite passages is Eph 5:18-20 which states something very subtle, but very important. . .

Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you. Then you will sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, making music to the Lord in your hearts. And you will always give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.(NLT)

Did you catch that? Be filled with the Holy Spirit, THEN YOU WILL. . .These verses tell us we need to be filled with the Holy Spirit and out of our relationship with Jesus, our lives will be different than that of the world’s. Only when we have a living, breathing relationship with the Lord can the world see Jesus through us. The list of things above are ways of nurturing our relationship, but like I stated before, they often become our religion. Shouldn’t our lives be a witness to those around us? Shouldn’t the choices we make reflect God’s will? But should this be us “trying” to reach those goals or just the outpouring of our relationship with Jesus and His love flowing through us? Our lives as followers of Christ should be different than this world, but they are not different because of anything we do. They are different because we choose to pursue a relationship with God and His love, His patience, His compassion flow through us.

Even as I write this I find myself feeling like I have such a long way to go, but it is also encouraging that I do not have to do anything on my own. If I want a life that shows others the love of God, then I need to be connected to the Giver of love. My life should not be about all the do's and don’ts but about a relationship with the One true God who makes my life better because He is living through me.

My husband and I lead a small group in our home for young married couples. They have all had their first babies this year so we are reading the book When Husband and Wife Become Mom and Dad by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall. I would like to share a short passage from this book that may help explain it a little more.

Lasting hope is not found in a new baby, in the oohs and aaahhs of affirmation from each other, or in the perfect family vacation, new furniture, or a new car. Lasting hope is ultimately found in something beyond ourselves and our circumstances. . .when you look down at your child, do you feel the heavy weight of responsibility now attached to you. . . look over at your spouse, this mate of your choice, attached to you by marriage. Years ago, you stood at an altar and pledged your love and commitment-till death. But he is tired and falls asleep before you have time to process your needs with him. She is distracted by children and doesn’t seem interested in you anymore. . .Where is hope?

You’ve been looking down and over. The truth is, you’re looking in the wrong place.

Look up. Rather than resting in two individuals, attached horizontally through a civil ceremony with out eternal meaning, hope for marriage comes when the attachment is to a Source beyond either individual. Hope for marriage-and for every individual-comes when we attach ourselves to a permanent, eternal source of stability and love. It comes in a relationship with God through his Son, Jesus.

We need to be looking to God to meet our needs so we can meet the needs of others through His strength, not our own.

Living Intentionally

Living Intentionally as a Jesus Follower...what does that look like for you?

Going to church?
Reading your Bible?
Memorizing verses?

....and more

How's that working for you?

So often we women are so eager to get in and DO things, we put the cart before the horse. Living Intentionally as a Jesus Follower can often mess up HIS plan for us.

The life of a Jesus Follower is all about relationships.

A relationship with God
A relationship with one another
A relationship with the world

Jesus wants a relationship with Him and we get busy DOING things FOR Him and we think that we are intentionally building systems that will ultimately please Him.

We see temporary success...Until we fail. Until we get distracted. Until we don't see results.

Then we get disappointed in ourselves.

And we begin a new system. Or we try harder. Or we take a break to get a new perspective.

Living Intentionally as a Jesus Follower can be a life all about ME, I have discovered. It is rooted in PRIDE, thinking I can/will please God by obeying Him, and I get busy intentionally doing something to show my commitment to Jesus.

Trouble is, I fail.

And the cycle continues:
I want to obey God's commandments
I see temporary success
I fail
I get disappointed


I try again

See the I in this cycle? As In PrIde?

If I am to Live Intentionally as a Jesus Follower, I need to see that the I is all about 'intimacy' with God. Not me doing something for Him, but me getting to Know Him.


As a wife, I want to know my husband. I want to talk with him, sit by him, hang out with him, learn to play golf so I can understand the passion he has for that game....intimacy comes out of my love for him. I don't obey him to achieve the goal of loving him.


Living in intimacy with God is the goal of my life as a Jesus Follower. That all begins with humility. It is about Him revealing Himself to me rather than me trying harder to prove myself as a Jesus Follower.

Living Intentionally

Living Intentionally has been a big focus for us in Homemakers with Hope this year. It's a good time to review our 'systems' for food preparation, maintaining our homes, organizing our kids and taking care of our own bodies+++

But what does Living Intentionally mean when it comes to our life as a Jesus Follower?

If I asked you what does that look like in your life...or should look like, what would you say?

Write down your answer...or share it here with us

This past month in Homemakers we were to identify the different roles that we assume daily. We were to identify what stresses us out in each role and what supports us in each role.

All the Homemakers with Hope are followers of Jesus, so we will be talking about that role as well tonight as we meet. We will be sharing our thoughts this week but in the meantime, ponder...

What does the role of a faithful follower of Jesus Christ look like?

Then join us the rest of the week as we share what we are learning.

A knock knock favorite

My husband's favorite joke goes as follows:

Knock knock

Who's there?

Panther

Panther who?

My panther falling down.

I can't wait until Samuel starts telling that joke someday!

a few 8-year-old jokes. . .

Well, I have never been very good at telling jokes. I always seem to forget the punch line. So I recruited my 8-year-old daughter to help me with this post. Here is Abigail as she is writing her jokes:

knock-knock.

Who's there?

Abby.

Abby who?

Abby-birthday!

______________________________________________________________________

Do you know how geometry got its name?

Once there was an acorn. He grew and grew. One day it said, "gee-i'm-a-tree!"

______________________________________________________________________

Do you know how politics got its name?

My parrot swallowed a watch. So now polly-ticks!

HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I hope you enjoyed my jokes!

Abigail

JOKES!

Why did the blonde stare at the OJ?

"It said to concentrate!"

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A blonde went to the doctor's with 2 flaming red ears...the doctor asked her what happen
She said she was ironing with a steam iron and the phone rang. In a rush, she picked up the iron and 'answered it'.
The doctor said "I see, but why 2 red ears?"
The blond said, 'the jerk called back."

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A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Halfway through their trip, the mother-in-law dies. So the guy goes to an undertaker, who explains that they can ship the body home, but it'll cost $5,000. Or they can bury her in the Holy Land for $150.
"We'll ship her home," says the son-in-law.
"Are you sure?" asks the undertaker. "That's an awfully big expense. And I can assure you we do a very nice bural here."
"Look," says the son-in-law, "two thousand years ago they buried a guy here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

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Lighten Up!

Happy March 1st. If you are getting your taxes ready, wishing your resolutions were coming together and impatient for spring...

this week is for you...our favorite jokes:

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said: "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:

1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.
5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don't discuss your problems with him.
7. And most importantly, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her,

"You're going to die" she replied.

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A Blonde's Diet:

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you , you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping"

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Finally! After 25 years on a deserted island, Joe was being rescued. As he climbed onto the boat, the curious crew noticed 3 small grass huts.

"What are those?" they asked.

"The first one is my home," Joe said, "The second is my church."

"What about the third hut?" the rescuers wanted to know.

"Oh," says Joe, "that's the church I used to belong to."

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