your time-starved marriage

I think I mentioned this before, but Jeff and I lead a small group in our home for young married couples. We are currently reading a book by Les and Leslie Parrott called Your Time-Starved Marriage. I think a very timely title for our generation - the generation that has a list on top of a list of all the things we have-to and want-to do. We are really enjoying this book, and I would like to share a few thoughts to give you some food for thought for your marriages.

One of the very first quotes in the book from a Stephan Rechtschaffen states, “ We think much more about the use of our money, which is renewable, than we do about the use of our time, which is irreplaceable.” Take a moment and reread that quote. Time is irreplaceable. Once it is spent, we cannot get it back. What if we thought about that quote more often during our days. . .would it change what you did? Would it change how you spent your time? I think if we are all honest it would change everything. Time is the one thing we can’t hold onto and we can’t get back. How much time have you spent nurturing your marriage today? A little humbling isn’t it?!

I think it is really hard to step back and take a good hard look at how we spend our time, but our marriages depend on it. How many times have you heard couples say, “We’ve grown apart.” In the book they address this statement by saying,

Truth is, couples don’t just grow apart. They simply grow, and they either CHOOSE to make space in this growth for each other or not. Individuals change, interests evolve, opportunities appear, or a crisis happens. The passage of time guarantees change. And you can’t stop time.

We need to each choose to take the time needed to nurture our marriages as we grow and change so that we grow and change as a couple. . .together.

I think my favorite part of this book so far has to be the following story I am going to leave with you today. It is my challenge to you. A challenge for yourself and your marriage.

In his (John Ortberg) book, The Life you’ve Always Wanted, he has a chapter called “An Unhurried Life” in which he tells the story of getting some spiritual direction from a wise friend shortly after moving to Chicago to become the preaching pastor at the mega sized Willow Creek Community Church. “I described (to my friend) the pace at which things tend to move in my current setting, “ John writes. He also told his friend about the fast clip of his family life. “What do I need to do, “ John asked, “to be spiritually healthy?” After a quiet moment, his friend finally spoke: “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”

Another long pause. “Okay, I’ve written that one down, “John told him, a little impatiently. “That’s a good one. Now, what else is there?” John had a lot to do, and he was talking to his friend long-distance, so, as he puts it. “I was anxious to cram as many units of spiritual wisdom into the least amount of time possible.” Another long pause on the line. “There is nothing else,” his wise friend said. “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”