Ask "What", not "Why"

I still remember the first time I had to deal with 'dashed expectations' in my life. Someone close to me did not react in the way I 'expected'. They did not walk along side me like I had 'expected'. I remember being filled with anger and grief. I felt like that person had actually dropped off my radar because I couldn't imagine them in any other role than that of support and understanding.

I struggled with those 'dashed expectations' for months. I wanted that person to say they were sorry. I wanted that person to wake up and see where I was coming from. I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. But I knew my relationship with this person would never be the same.

I spent time analyzing the relationship. I re-constructed the conversations. I asked 'why', over and over again, trying to make sense of why this relationship was not working.

When answers didn't come I knew I needed to take a different approach. I began asking 'what' instead of 'why'. That made all the difference in the world. Now I could get some answers. Asking 'why' in a situation that I couldn't understand in the first place got me no where. Asking 'what' enabled me to stand back and see what I could have done differently. What I may not have understood. What might restore our relationship. It all helped me put the emphasize on what I could control.

When you deal with unmet expectations, dashed expectations or unrealistic expectations, don't waste time like I did, asking 'why'. Move on and ask 'what' and see if that doesn't bring some clarity and hopefully resolution to a broken relationship.