Seek first to understand

Habit 5 of Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is "Seek first to understand."

That seems like valuable advice for many relationships, and especially for friendships.

When I think of friendships in my life, there are definitely some friendships where I need to step back and first try to understand. As Barb mentioned, putting yourself in their shoes is a good place to start. Asking for help in understanding where they are coming from can be invaluable.

With my personality I want to offer advice, give solutions, create answers for problems. I immediately decide in my head what’s wrong or what could be different.

That’s not my place. And sometimes it’s not even my business.

So instead I just need to step back and seek to understand by listening, observing and asking questions.

If I am annoyed or disappointed or frustrated, those are the last things I want to do. But if the friendship is important to me, it’s worth first seeking to understand.