Labor-Free Labor Day!

Since I wrote about the value of work in my last blog...it seems only fitting that I tell you to throw your chores to the wind and enjoy the rest of the summer. While I really think kids (and adults) need to take on 'work' with a smile, I think it needs to be balanced with celebration. Labor Day means a celebration of our labor force...so take a break from your labor and celebrate!
We would eat outside, non-stop the weekend of Labor Day if at all possible when our family was little. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were around the picnic table. I wasn't a big camper, so this the was next best thing for our family. Take a look at what works for your family. REAL camping, sleeping outside in a tent, sleeping in a porch, eating outside, cooking outside, reading outside...do whatever you can..outside, just to celebrate the end of summer. Don't let the rain discourage you, that just adds to the memories.
So before you take on the mantra that 'work builds character', remember the other mantra that says, 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'.
Go play this Labor Day weekend.

If I Had To Do It Over Again...

I thought that would get your attention. I always love to hear what women who are farther down the path of life would do differently about different situations.
I would put a different ‘spin’ on teaching my kids the value of work. All 3 of my grown kids have a great work ethic, for which I am thankful, but I don’t think I viewed work as a privilege when I was a young mom and therefore I’m not sure they thought I was real happy with ‘work’. It was always the ‘have to get it done’ mentality around our house and if I had to do it over again, I would start at a young age, yes, even when I had a babe in arms, to tell my little ones that “I want to get a ‘few things done’ right now and so I will play with you later.” I am blogging about this on the Eve of Labor Day because I think we have so much to be thankful for in America and the ability and freedom to work is one more thing to be grateful for. As a mom or wife, you can set the tone for ‘getting a job done well’, whether in your home or outside your home. Let the kids know from an early age that it is a privilege to be able to produce and work. Assign even the youngest member of your family a job to do to teach them the joy of working and celebrate with them when they complete the task. Simply picking up a few toys could be a toddler’s responsibility. Work is a major part of life so begin sharing with your kids your attitude about work…in a most positive way.

A Word of Encouragement...

This weekend I attended my husband's 40th class reunion! What a bunch of old people!!

I really enjoyed myself as I went from person to person, not having any obligation to know them or remember them as 'they used to be.' I could freely ask them questions and observe how they interacted with their old classmates. I was pleased by how many of them had been married over 30 years, so I began asking different people what they were most surprised at from this reunion. All of them said they couldn't believe it had been 40 years since they had seen one another and of course how fast life has gone by. In chatting with them, the word 'consistent' kept coming up. Well, actually some said "I've just spent the last 40 years doing the same thing." Some said it out of frustration but most said it with a note of achievement. Like they just kept putting one foot in front of the other and here they were, 40 years later with 4, 5 or 6 kids...many were teachers, an actor, architect, doctors and many entrepreneurs. I had no expectation from any of these people, because I didn't know any of them, but I felt like by the end of the day, I would say that many of them had achieved a level of satisfaction and success because they had been consistent.
It may not be the word you were expecting me to encourage you with today, but it is a word of great impact. If you applied it to your life right now, it should give you more of a purpose. All the tasks you are doing over and over again for your little toddlers are not in vain. You are teaching and modeling for them. Be consistent in your kind words, your soft voice, your constant smile and your enthusiasm for life. Be consistent in your personal habits. Be consistent in your desire to build a strong marriage. Be consistent in knowing God. Be consistent even when it gets tough. Your next reunion is going to come around soon enough. Be consistent in your living and you will find yourself telling your classmates "I've spent the last few years doing the same thing...and I can't believe how far I've come."

Va-ca-tion: "Freedom or release from duty, business or activity"

That is how Webster defines a vacation. When you return home and you find you have had a nice break in your schedule, you have had freedom from the routine, you are ready to return to the everyday demands with new enthusiasm and strength.
Returning home requires sensitivity to your children and husband as well. Time spent together is wonderful, but coming home gives everyone their own sense of space again. Give your children time to unpack their treasures and display them. We always encouraged our kids to 'save before traveling; buy souvenirs wisely' and then come home and remember the fun by having the souvenirs a highlight in the their rooms or used as a centerpiece for a week when we returned. Normal schedules crowd out the memories so as a mom, make an effort to keep those memories alive abit longer.
I invested in rolls of film rather than buy souvenirs for myself. I would be busy for weeks after a vacation organizing and putting them into a scrapbook so we could relive our travels at anytime. Today, scrapbooking is so easy to do just remember to do it and don't get caught up in having it be a masterpiece, have it something the kids can get their hands on and share with friends.
From an early age, have your kids 'sign off' on the vacation. Either write their names in the scrapbook or write a short paragraph of what they thought was the most fun. If you have babies or toddlers, have them press a handprint or color a line or two, just to indicate their age and ability. This will be a fun measuring stick over the years. A family photo by the car or by your house before you leave is a good reminder as to what your family looked like and where you were living or what you were driving. In time, these photos are some of the best to look back and 'remember'.

Vacations, all good things must end. I hope these few postings will make this summer a time to remember for you and your family.

Vacations and Your Husband!

I have had the privilege and responsibility to work along side my husband in several businesses during our marriage. I have seen first hand the day to day stress a man is under to provide for his family so I would be remiss if I didn't post a blog about HIS vacation. Men need a vacation too. I think there may be too much said about a wife and all her responsibility and that voice gets heard above the one that says a man needs to know he can look forward to a vacation where his wife enjoys his company. I don't want to write about WHAT to do with your husband on a vacation, with or without kids, but rather to encourage young wives to practice taking vacations with your husband while your family is young...or even before you have kids. Practice taking a vacation from nagging, from criticizing, from worry, from 'keeping up with the Jones'. Practice talking with enthusiasm, encouragement, optimism and wearing a smile around your husband. It used to be said that a home is a man's castle...I don't know about that, but it does need to be a place where he is welcomed and where he anticipates a time with his family that renews and satisfies him. When you take off for vacation, talk with your husband about his expectations, what he wants to see and experience and then tuck that away and make an effort to make your husband's desires become a bit more of a reality. I know it is alot to cover and you have your hands full with the kids, but being aware of your husband's time away will only increase everyone's time to enjoy and grow closer together.

Vacations...traveling in the car...with KIDS!!

There are some parts of parenting I really had to grow into. Traveling in the car with kids would be one of them!! Before kids, I would look forward to reading a good book or doing handwork as the miles passed by. With kids, it's a whole new ball game. Looking back, even to my childhood, traveling in the confines of a car can give you a great opportunity to build memories and good times with your kids. Don't miss it! Turn off the fancy DVD players and IPods and play games. Trust me on this, it will tire you out, but your family will remember the fun forever. I don't know why, maybe it's because of the close quarters or the attention they are getting from mom and dad, it is not to be missed.

Counting Cars
Keep score on the number of white (or any color you designate) vans that pass by you. Count the number of trucks ( have dad honk his horn when you pass a truck and if the truck honks back, give yourself another point!) Change what you are looking for if you are on the road for several days (sport cars, red cars, motorcycles, etc). It's a good way to build attention span, yours and your child's!!

Alphabet Game
I bet you played that as a kid...and you still remember it! Even pre-schoolers can get into this. Look for bill boards, signs, storefronts, road signs, etc (cars go by too quickly for kids to read the license plates) and find the letter A. Then find B and on through the alphabet. The letters can be any place in a word. Work as teams and the first team to get to Z is the winner. When your kids are young, work as a family so there is no winner or loser...you all get farther down the road together!

License plates
Look for license plates when you stop. Check out the parked cars and keep a list of all the states that you find for each trip. I think one trip we found a license from every state! Since we had played this game so often we knew what a feat that was!

Have fun
That's the point of playing together. There used to be big billboards along the road that said "The family that plays together, stays together"! We used to take 'letters' off that sign for our game, but now I look back and see the impact both the game and the billboard had in my life.

On Vacation with Kids...the practical part

As a young mom, I had no idea how to put a vacation together...here are a few random tips that helped me survive the first few years of traveling:

Make a master list of the basic items you need everytime. Pack the list with your maps or camping gear or whatever else you reach for when you think of 'vacation'!

Make a master list of what YOU need to get you through a vacation. As a mom, you will find that you pack for yourself last and then forget important stuff...I suggest if you have a master list of what you need...you will survive! I always needed a small notebook to record my thoughts and write down our daily activities. I always had a pen, chapstick, sunglasses, sunscreen, personal items like tampons(always take a supply, you don't want to be surprised while you're traveling!) that wouldn't get packed unless I made a special point of it.

The computer can organize you and your family so much better than I did when I relied on paper and pencil, but you need to be the driving force to have it meet your needs. Do it months before your trip so you just check off the items as you pack them.

As your child grows, have them make a 'travel bag list' on the computer so they are ready to hit the road without forgetting the essentials. This works good for sleep overs as well.

One tip you may remember from your childhood is the potion for sunburn. Pack a small bottle of vinegar if you are going to the beach. Mix a 50-50 solution of water and vinegar and wipe on a bad sunburn. Works great for babies and toddlers...but better advice is to bring plenty of sunscreen to prevent the burns.

As always, preparation is key to the success. So start now and make your master lists. Adjust them as your children age and before you know it, you will be back to packing for just you and your husband again. So enjoy the hassle!

On Vacation with Kids...

The same thoughts I shared about vacations yesterday apply here, but if you are just getting into the 'swing' of traveling with kids, you are probably realizing it is NO vacation!! It is hard work. It is tiring. It is uncomfortable and expensive. So why do you go to all that trouble? First, you may feel like it is the 'thing to do'. Go to Disneyland, travel to the Black Hills, camp at Jellystone. Advertisers and "The Joneses" put alot of pressure on young families to 'do it all' and 'do it all in style and ease'. Can I be the voice of reason (and experience) here and say, go on a vacation to relax and reconnect and anything beyond that is a bonus. You may choose to go to the fancy, fun places but do it to relax and reconnect. If that isn't happening on your vacation, maybe you shouldn't go to all the trouble.
I was the 'picture-taker' in our family and I now look back on the photos from early vacations and I not only see the photos I took, I also remember the attitudes that were expressed during that time. Sometimes we were cranky and tired. Sometimes my husband and I were struggling with staying civil and sometimes we were just faking a smile to make it look good for the snapshot. I learned over the years that those pictures aren't priceless, they bear the marks of a 'forboding cloud' hovering over our vacations...and I needed to once again be the mom and get focused on why we were vacationing and what I could do to enhance our time together. Those photos are just a reminder to me to make sure that our vacations were about reconnecting and building GOOD memories and therefore a good family. If a photoshoot had to wait in order to fix some hurt feelings or if we missed a good shot because the rest of the family was tired and had enough, that became my measure of a priceless photo album. I can now look at my vacation albums and see how my family grew but I also can track and see how I grew and became a better mom and wife because I kept my expectations to a minimum and my 'wonder' to the max.
Vacations are necessary to reconnect and see each other in a different setting. They offer an opportunity to develop patience, encourage one another, love each other even when it's hard. It's a time to say I'm sorry quickly because the vacation has a deadline and you don't want to carry a grudge through all the fun times. Vacations are for memories. Vacations are to learn. Vacations can be a mountain top experience or a valley...but they always make coming home a time for reflection. Know why you are traveling with kids and then go and enjoy it!!

On Vacation...

This past week, both Stacy and I were on vacation! Unfortunately, we didn't go together, but we will have good stories to share when she finally returns to town. She and Ryan are on a mission's trip and you will hear more of that later.
The rest of our family headed up North to enjoy the woods, biking, fishing and alot of relaxing! Just before we left, I was once again smitten with the dreaded question of 'why am I doing this?' Going on 'vacation' is just too much work to make it worth while, so... 'note to myself...don't plan another one!' I have this conversation with myself almost everytime I pack up to leave my home and work. I think that should be a clue that I really do NEED a vacation.
This week I took a break from work, study, routine and just about everything. I made it a priority to only relax and reconnect with each member of my family. We did have to cut our week short by a day because of work, but I can sit and type this posting with a smile on my face, knowing vacation did it's magic and I am once again ready to face the everyday demands with patience and enthusiasm. What I would really like to share in this posting is the big realization I had years ago when I had little ones around my ankles and I was trying to pull off the perfect vacation.
1. I learned there is no such thing as 'planning a perfect vacation'. Perfect vacations do happen...but they happen because I was open to letting things fall into place and I was not trying to control everything.
2. I learned that vacations are like 'life'! If I increased my 'wonder' factor and decreased my 'expectation' level, it would help me take in everything that came along with patience and intrique rather than disappointment and anger.
3. Like life, vacations go by quickly, so I have had to learn to be in the moment and enjoy the new sights, sounds, food, interruptions, 'plan B's' and all the rest in order to really experience my vacation to the fullest.
4. I have come to realize that when I am in Colorado (or wherever I may be vacationing), it is best to enjoy all that Colorado has to share. I may never get back there again. So too with life, enjoy where I am in life today, there are no 'do overs'!

Vacationing with kids? Well, I'll share my thoughts with you on that tomorrow....

"Closed for Maintenance"

Do you have a sign that says "Closed for Maintenance" that is readily available to hang on your front door when needed? I think it might be something to consider. This morning I was busy in my home office, designing my day when I heard a bunch of clatter in our front entry way. I looked down my two-story stairwell to find my husband taking the windows out of his office so he could wash them. He hadn't mentioned it to me and just proceeded to gather the cleaning supplies. I was glad it wasn't a job I had to 'nag' him to do, so I went down and told him I would help him. We spent the morning cleaning a few windows and catching up in areas that we hadn't taken time to discuss lately. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, it was the normal maintenance a house needs but I found it was the 'maintenance' that we needed to reconnect again through conversation and an unhurried agenda.
I was once again struck by how far my husband and I have come since our early days of marriage. Back then, Dean would never have started washing the windows on his own; I would have nagged him to do so; I wouldn't have given up my schedule to help him and he would have insisted on help from me if the windows really needed to be cleaned. I wouldn't have made use of that time together to 'talk'; we probably both would have been mad at each other and I wouldn't have considered 'maintenance' to be a virtue in sustaining a home or a relationship...I would have considered it hard work...something to avoid. 'Maintenance' doesn't just happen. I have had to work on my attitude and intentionally move toward maintaining my home and my marriage on a regular basis to get it to the place where it has become a habit. Can I entice you to make up a "Closed for Maintenance" sign for you and your home? Write me back in 20 years and I bet you will tell me it's one of the best things you did to build your home!!

If God Cares so Wonderfully for the Flowers...

I spent a good part of the weekend planting my garden. It is an exercise I highly recommend to all 'Homemakers'!! Even if you don't know the first thing about gardening or don't have a yard...a pot will do. Digging your fingers through the rich, black soil and smelling the aroma of the water as it is sprinkled on the fresh dirt will excite all your senses. As I tilled the earth, a small bright green bug scooted across a plant. I marveled at the variety of colors that God painted on the impatients (a type of flower, not my need to hurry!!). They were colors that I never would mix together in my wardrobe, but they blended beautifully. The textures of the leaves varied from thorns to slick and almost plastic-like. I had to exercise much restraint at the nursery (where the flowers are grown and sold, not my baby's room of 30 years ago!). I had to read the label on many of the varieties to see if they could handle sun or shade or maybe a bit of both. Plants of all kinds reminded me of the intricate masterpieces that God has given us just to enjoy. They really are just here to beautify our surroundings. Matt 5:28 says "Why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are." Gardening is truly a humbling experience. I can not make the plants, I can not design their color or even encourage them to grow to a certain height. I can merely plant and water them in the way the label tells me to and then sit back and see the miracle take place. Verse 29 of Matt 5 goes on to say "if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith!" (NLT) Do your faith a favor and buy a plant this spring. Plant it in a pot or start a small garden. Really take note of the miracle of growth and see how God treats each plant in its own special way. Realize how quickly the summer passes as your plant grows, blossoms and then quickly fades away. It might help you to pay more attention to each summer day, encourage you to use your senses and realize once again how God cares for each of us so wonderfully.

The beauty of the rainbow

Have you ever thought about how the word rainbow consists of the word rain? In order to experience the beauty of the rainbow, first there must be rain.

So it is with our lives. Just when it seems that the rain might never stop, there's a rainbow waiting round the corner. While the rainstorms of life can be difficult and challenging, think of all the good that rain does. Those showers (and sometimes rainstorms) keep things green and growing. Rain saturates the fields and waters lawns, flowers, trees and bushes.

I don't think any of us would truly appreciate rainbows if it weren't for the rain. In Job 2:10 Job says, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

My paraphrase would be, "Should we accept rainbows from God, but not the rain?"

As women striving to be wise, lets praise God in the midst of both rain and rainbows!

Dear Daughter in Law!

Dear Stacy,
Thank you for the incredibly kind words you wrote in the blog yesterday…that really puts pressure on me to come up with something profound that captures my feelings! That’s easy…I love you!!

We can get really sentimental when we are together, but what I need to write today not only in response to your post, but because I think once again this may not be said enough if at all. There is so much written and joked about the mother in law, but rarely do we hear about the younger woman’s attitude and responsibility in the ‘in law’ relationship. I think it is interesting that the Bible tells the younger generation to ‘honor their mother and father’.

I would like to say that you, Stacy, have ‘honored’ me ever since you met Ryan and that has made our relationship so much easier for me. You listen, you ask questions, you laugh things off, you have a pleasant disposition when you are around the family, and you reach out to extended members of the family…what’s there not to love about you?

What I am saying is that just like every other relationship, it’s a two way street. Age does not dictate the ability to be mature in a relationship. Often times you younger women have much more insight, patience, and fortitude than we older women do and if you would be the first to extend a measure of grace and acceptance to your mother in law, it may surprise you how she may mature in her response to you. We are all human, responding with human shortcomings, but if we are willing to accept responsibility to be the best we can be, the other person may become better.
Age doesn’t bring wisdom automatically. There is wisdom in reaching out to your mother in law on a regular basis and if nothing else you will be blessed with wisdom by God as you age. It says in Prov 2:1-6
My daughter, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD gives wisdom,and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

There is work to be done in good relationships, but the results make it worth it. I am blessed to have a daughter in law that is mature way beyond her years, but I also thank God that He is blessing her and me because she is faithful in her desire to be a wise woman who builds her home. You can be too.
Have a Happy Mother-in-Law’s Day!!

Dear mother-in-law

Dear Barb,
I don't really know what it's like to raise children. I don't think I truly grasp the long hours, the depth of weariness or the challenges that motherhood brings. I won't understand that until I am a mom myself.

But I want to thank you for the incredible job you did raising your son, and my husband, Ryan. He is affectionate, kind, trustworthy, a hard worker, a lover of God and has a sense of humor that is incomparable. He does his own laundry and knows how to clean the toilet! He's wise with his money and open with his feelings. I am so grateful that he was raised in a home where he learned to love Jesus from a young age. I am blessed to call you mother-in-law and I thank God for you.

Happy Mother's Day!

I love you,
Stacy

As you've probably guessed from reading this blog, I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. I am amazed by her wisdom, blessed by her heart and challenged by her example.

Many of you may not be so fortunate. You long for a mother-in-law who understands you better, treats you differently or, quite honestly, was less of a 'mother' and more of a friend. Maybe she's too nosy, too picky, too critical, too willing to offer you advice.

But, she's your mother-in-law. Regardless of where you stand in your relationship with her, I encourage you to praise God for her this Mother's Day for the simple reason that you are married to her son. She carried him for nine months, delivered him, raised him and taught him to be the man he is today. Maybe she didn't do everything perfectly, but chances are she worked hard and loved him a lot.

So today set aside the frustrations, discouragement or annoyances. Send your mother-in-law a card, give her a hug, shoot her an e-mail, tell her you love her and thank her for raising her son so well.

A Disorganized Mind

Have you ever thought that was your problem? If you’re like me, you blame your busyness and tardiness on ‘too much to do’. To actually take responsibility for it would simply be overwhelming. Many, many years ago I began journaling and it was the beginning of organizing my mind! I didn’t attribute the simple task of putting words to paper as an answer to my physical disorganization, but it became apparent when I STOPPED journaling. My mind became ‘cluttered’ again and it spilled over into my daily activities. I am more convinced than ever that my day needs to start by ‘organizing my mind’ and that means journaling my thoughts and my prayers and seeing my desires and fears laid out on paper. Socrates said that the 'unexamined life is not worth living'. Examining my ‘cluttered’ mind helps me to put my thoughts straight first thing in the morning and then I can handle all my ‘tasks’ as they come along. I have a jump on the day as I talk to God about people who may cross my path, time scheduling, money problems, health issues, relationships …on and on. By writing it all down, I am able to release my prayers to God, and not ruminate over them all day. Bill Hybels book, “Too Busy Not to Pray” helped me ‘organized’ my prayer life, my journaling and my ‘cluttered mind’. He suggested the following format. I write the following letters in the margin of my page. He suggested that I limit my prayers to one page:
Y- ‘Yesterday’. I write several sentences about yesterday, including how God worked in my life.
A – ‘Adoration’. I recall who God is, what he has revealed to me about Himself and I write a few sentences of praise and adoration about God. It focuses my mind on the great privilege of praying to the God of the Universe, my Savior, my Creator, the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace.
C – ‘Confession’. This is when I ask God to ‘search me and know my heart’. I ask Him to reveal any sins I am concealing in my mind. Attitudes, grudges, fears, and all the other bad thoughts that keep my mind from being open to the truth.
T – ‘Thanksgiving’. A few sentences of counting my blessings is the best way to bring out the best in my mind. To write out current things I am thankful for opens up a healthy stream of mental pictures.
S – ‘Supplication’ . Here I write out my prayers for others, often rotating them through out the week.
L – ‘Listen and Learn’ I stop after writing out my supplication prayers and read a portion from the Bible. I read slowly, actively looking for what God wants me to learn that day. I might find a word like ‘peace’, ‘forgive’, or ‘blessed is the
(wo)man who trusts in You’. What I write here, I try to take with me for the day. It is the ‘bar’ in which I hang my thoughts on and tend to return to through out the day as my mind begins to get ‘cluttered’ again.
This technique is taught in different ways, but it is the RESULT that I share with you today. It changed my prayer life, it organized my mind and eventually it has affected every area of my life.
As you spring clean, include the crevices of your mind.

"Happy May Day!!"

That's been a fun greeting on May 1st since I was a kid! As far back as I can remember, May 1st was a day to make hand-made paper baskets of some sort, fill them with goodies and hang them on a neighbor's front door. Sometimes we would ring the doorbell and run and hide, watching our friends open the door and be plesantly surprised to find our May basket. I continued that tradition with my kids when they were little. It was the warmth of spring and the early budding of trees and flowers that enhanced the fun time. As our children grew older and we were busy building our business, my husband and I began incorporating the May Day tradition into a business promotion. We enlisted the kids and their friends to deliver little vials filled with water and several flowers door to door. Attached to the vials was a small flyer advertising our business. It became a popular neighborhood tradition that neighbors even anticipated. We delivered over 600 vials again today and every year I am encouraged how the simple greeting of "Happy May Day" just brightens everyones mood, even when I interrupt them mowing their lawn. It made me think how a simple, gentle greeting to someone can brighten their day. Just like Christmas can be held in my heart all year long, I need to hold "Happy May Day" in my heart and brighten someone's life every day with an encouraging greeting.
"Happy May Day!"

A Moratorium on Multi-Tasking?

I wonder if I was to intiate a moratorium on multi-tasking for women it would be similar to 'bra-burning' back in my younger days? It certainly might be just as radical! Multi-tasking is a virtue...or is it? Women are so quick to ridicule a man for not being able to do more than 2 things at a time, but maybe it is the man who is wise in what he is doing.
When my kids were young, I had a poem that I required them to memorize...
"Once a job is first begun,
Do it well and get it done.
Be it large or be it small,
Do it now or not at all"
Maybe that should be our new mantra as women.
As a post script to my last posting, I began focusing on all that I have going on in my life. There are no more little finger prints to clean up after, diapers to change, activities to attend or car pools to drive, so what do I, as an older woman have to say 'no' to so I don't get into the Superwoman Syndrome on a daily basis. I think the first thing I realized was that I have formed habits over the years and now I have many jobs started and rarely do I give myself credit in finishing a task. I chalk it up to my grand ability to 'multi-task'. I think as long as I can keep the balls in the air, I am doing ok. As I ponder this further, I think I need to eliminate a few 'balls' and instead focus like a man and get my jobs done. Richard Swenson wrote a book several years ago simply named "Margin". In it he proposes that we need to make room for 'margin' in our life. A time to sit and enjoy, rather than move from one task to another. That is what we do in multi-tasking. We move from one task then another and another and we are like gerbils on an exercise wheel, in motion, but often without direction.
If we instituted a moratorium on multi-tasking, we might find some 'margin' in our lives and find that we are super in what we do and therefore we don't have to become a'superwoman' to feel successful.

Anyone ready to sign up for my moratorium on multi-tasking? Ok, repeat after me,
"Once a job is first begun,
Do it well and get it done.
Be it large or be it small,
Do it now or not at all!"

A Quick (?) Question...

I was asked the other day what I thought of the ‘superwoman syndrome’. You know, the woman who gets herself into such a habit of taking on everyone else’s burdens, she is overloaded herself. I was asked if this was a phenomenon of today’s generation, or did I experience or see women in my generation always over extending themselves. Well the quick answer is ‘Yes’! I think both generations have a tendency towards this habit. Can I answer this question by prefacing please listen to what I say and not by what I do? I too, am plagued by the superwoman syndrome. I can relate to it in every respect. Maybe the most help I can give is to say that if there was one area I would like to go back and have a ‘do over’ it would be in this area. No one pointed out to me what a ‘white tornado’ I was…thinking I was taking care of messes, but really just creating new ones. I did it with a sincere heart, but also an unreal expectation of what I could possibly accomplish. I felt I needed to be all things to all people at times. Slowly I have gained perspective and experience. Slowly, I have come to see the need for me to constantly be in touch with the Lord about all that I want to take on. In the book, Lies Women Believe, the author, Nancy Leigh De Moss says the number one lie women believe is “I don’t have time to do every thing I’m supposed to do.” 70% say they believe this lie. Women say they are “so busy…exhausted…can’t keep up with everything…” and that is inspite of having the “equivalent of 50 full-time servants, in the form of modern, timesaving devices…” The Truth is “that all I have to do is the work God assigns to me.” It sounds simplistic, but looking back on my life, I see that I took on responsibilities on my own and became overloaded. By constantly doing that, it became a habit and a way of life. It was my identity to overextend myself to others. I bought into another lie that Nancy mentions and that is “I can do it all”. That is the ultimate superwoman syndrome and the two lies are at the core of her belief system. My answer to this dilemma would be two- fold. One is to replace the lies with truth and that means to fill your mind with what you are responsible for. Take time to identify what your ‘purpose’ is for your season in life and then live within that purpose. Name the people you are responsible for and make sure they are taken care of on a constant basis. Make sure you pray about taking on ONE MORE THING if it is outside your given responsibilities. You see when I was your age, I acted on energy and not on focus. I would burn out only after running out of energy. I have learned to run on focus now and that carries me through on an even keel. I have learned to ‘say NO’ and it has freed me up to say ‘YES’ when I really need to say yes. Constant self-talk and God-talk will slowly replace the lies with focus and Truth.
Secondly, I believe a day of rest was mandated by God and given to us as a command in order for us to hear from God that we need to REST! God rested on the 7th day…not because He was exhausted, but because His work was finished!! He rested and He commands us to do the same. How can we REST on the Sabbath if we are burned out or if our work load never ends? I have come to believe that if I go to God and say I am exhausted or frazzled or frustrated with the lack of time in my life the first thing I would hear Him say is, “What are you doing on the Sabbath?” and then perhaps he would have Dr. Phil follow up and say “How’s that working for you?”. If I don’t take a Sabbath day each week, I can’t complain to God. He would say ‘try that first and then we will talk.’ After reordering my habits, I believe I wouldn’t have to talk any further. My mind, body, focus and family would once again be aligned with God’s desire for me to experience an abundant life, not a frazzled life.
Try applying these two solutions for one month and see if God doesn’t reveal a clarity within you that will allow you to sort out what needs to be done on a daily basis. It sounds easy, but it’s not. It will take discipline, determination, an ability to say NO over and over again and a mindset that is filled with scripture that constantly reminds you of Who is in control. A ‘buddy’ to hold you accountable may be just the ticket to keep you on track. This is another ‘counter cultural’ decision and you will have to ‘stay the course’ in order to see the results you are hoping for.
God bless you. My prayer is that you learn from this older woman so you won’t be wanting to have a ‘do over’ in your precious life.
“Teach me to number my days aright, that I may gain a heart of wisdom” Ps 90:12 What a great verse to begin meditating on to get you to believe the TRUTH!

"What are you thinking?"

That was a question my husband asked me often when we were first married. I thought it was interesting when he first asked me that question. As we got into our marriage, I thought it was my responsibility to bring the 'softer' side into our conversation, so I always made a point of asking him, "What are you feeling?" I was pretty proud of myself for being so 'wise' in pointing out to him that 'feelings matter'! Over the years, however, I found profound wisdom in what Dean was asking me, if only I had really taken it to heart. I wish I had reacted swiftly every time he asked me 'what are you thinking'. If I had been smart, that could have been a cue for me to really think about what I was filling my mind with. The Bible says to 'bring every thought into captivity' and Dean's question could have prompted me to form some good habits early on. Instead, I have had to work through my 'feelings' over the years, only to find that God addresses my 'thought-life' more seriously. Proverbs 23:7 says, "as a (wo)man thinketh, so is (s)he." So, what are you thinking today?

My 2 cents....on 'Waiting'

I wish I could say there is a time in life when you turn the corner and you never question the 'waiting' room any more. My husband and I are in the 'waiting room' again waiting for a business reversal to work itself out. We've been here before. We've 'waited' alot during our marriage. There is great wisdom in your last posting, Stacy. You are wise to phrase 'lessons I am learning' the way you did. It is present tense, an on-going lesson and that describes what waiting becomes in life...a lesson over and over again. I can't say it becomes easier, maybe just more recognizable and therefore manageable. It reminds me of the 50 mile bike race you and I and Rachel took several years back. It was a grueling yet exhilarating experience. Over and over again we tackled the hills, hoping each one was the last. I still remember looking down at my knees pushing down in slow motion trying to get the pedals to rotate around one more time...one more time to propel me closer to the top of the hill. I would concentrate on getting my knees to extend down to force my legs to put all the effort in getting my foot to push into the stirrups of the pedal. I trusted that if I continued to exert that motion over and over again, eventually I would get to the top of the hill and I could soon rest my muscles. Sometimes in life I have found that if I keep my eyes focused on God as I go through the motions of faith, trusting that I will reach the summit soon, waiting becomes the norm not the exception in life. Waiting becomes recognizable and therefore...do I dare say more 'comfortable' because I know that the pain of the repeated motions moving me towards the top will push me to the peak of this stretch and I eventually I will feel the cool breeze on my face as I coast down the road beyond the hill.
My 2 cents?...as I keep my muscles of faith in gear and repeat the motions over and over again when the going is rough, my muscles become stronger and the road becomes more manageable even as I continue to push forward. I 'fix my eyes on Jesus' as my body moans in exhaustion, trusting that the summit is near.