Wednesday, September 30

my thoughts. . .

I am obviously very excited about the book Barb chose for this year since it is about my theme. Before I share my thoughts on the first chapter, I thought I would share an experience I had this week that shows how I am trying to be aware of my theme on a daily basis.

Last week I had my regular yearly physical and the doctor discovered a lump on one of my breasts. She was not overly alarmed but referred me to a specialist to have it looked at and have a ultrasound. Truth be told I was not very worried since my mom has very cystic breasts and has had to have these exams for many years. I just figured I am to the age where they start looking more closely at these things. I was really fine up until when the specialist looked at the lump and said she wasn’t overly alarmed but would feel better if I had an ultrasound AND a mammogram. Okay, now I was worried. A mammogram at 37-it must be something bad. My doctor had only thought I would need an ultrasound, why was this doctor requesting a mammogram? As my mind went right to the worst possible scenario my first thought was if I am given x amount of days to live, how would I live those days? What, if anything, would I do differently from this moment forward? While the obvious would change-I would not clean my bathrooms again and I wouldn’t care how many bags of peanut butter M&Ms I’d consume, I thought to myself, I wouldn’t change much. I would more than likely have a better attitude toward my family and a lot more patience in my parenting, but I would continue being present and intentional as my role as a wife and mother. While I never want to give the impression that I have arrived and have no room for improvement (just ask my family and they’ll tell you I have a lot to learn) I do want others to know that I am a person who thinks about the choices I make on a daily basis and I own up to those choices. I don't ever want to make excuses for them. As I lay on that table, I felt a peace. A peace knowing that at this moment I was were God wanted me to be. He was helping me make the choices that lead me to be at peace. If I was given a short amount of time to live, I would spend that time with my family, doing the things I am doing right now. I believe that is what living an intentional life truly means. I am pleased to say that the Lord is not calling me home anytime soon (at least to my knowledge) and all the tests came back negative. It was a really good learning experience to help me once again focus on my theme to be intentional.

Again in no way am I saying that I have arrived. I have so much to learn when it comes to being the wife and mother God desires me to be, but I feel like I am on the right track. I do not have regrets. I want a life of no regrets. I want a life lived on purpose and life lived that if at any moment the Lord decides to call me home I can hold my head high and say, “Okay Lord, I’m ready. I have used the time you have given me on this earth to the best of my ability and as wisely as possible." I want to live a life with intention!

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