A photo dilemma

This week's topic is pretty applicable since I realized yesterday that I forgot to take pictures on Mother's Day!

Ahhh....my first Mother's Day and no photo of Samuel and I or Samuel, Ryan and I. How did I forget???? It's doubtful I will experience another Mother's Day with a baby in my arms and one in my belly :)

Barb and I had a good discussion on Mother's Day about scrapbooking...and picture taking...and recording all those memories and photos.

I am surrounded by women who stress out because they are 'behind' in their chronological scrapbooking and will never be caught up. I am also surrounded by women who take hundreds of photos and leave them all on their computer...never printing a one.

Where do I fit into this mix? Do I even want to scrapbook? Do I enjoy it? Do I do it for myself or for my spouse/children? Do I feel guilty about what I do or don't do?

These are the kinds of questions I need to ask myself as I take a look at the thousands of photos I have of Samuel. What kind of expectation am I placing on myself? Is it time to start new habits now that I have a child and another on the way? What is realistic for me in this season of life?

I don't have all the answers. I haven't determined all of that yet. But I do know this...I have less time these days and more photos. And yet, I still have a desire to record these precious 'firsts' for my son. Maybe it will be so I can look back someday and remember...rather than Samuel looking back.

I am looking at this part of my life with new eyes...thanks for pondering with us this week!

Think About It!

Who are you really scrapbooking for?

Stacy mentioned yesterday that she has over 3,000 photos of Samuel already...he's only 7 months old.

I was drawn back to my days of scrapbooking my young children and remember the feelings I had to get my photos into my kids' scrapbook. There was always a nagging thought that I had to sit down and get 'caught up'. Back then, I only had to deal with 'hard-copy' photos and that was always limited by what I could afford to develop.

What would I do today if I had digital photos to manage and all the options of journaling?

While I find it so worthwhile to leave a legacy for your children, I sometimes wonder if moms today don't scrapbook to make their life LOOK good instead of just getting out there and making a life that IS good.

Controversial, maybe, but also something to think about.

I have scrapbooks for all my kids. I documented when they ate their first bite of solid food. I have pictures of when they began walking. I saved their report cards and most of the notes they ever sent me. They can look back at these books and find out when they had chicken pox and who they went to prom with.

I think I did a pretty good job of capturing the moments, but what I am finding out now is, I think those moments were meant for me, not my kids. My grown kids rarely, if ever, peruse their books, but I do. Maybe in years to come, the scrapbooks will become more valuable to them, but I doubt it. They are very glad I made them. They are glad that their life was important and exciting to me. But now they are on to making a life for themselves and their families, and that is how it should be.

My gentle advice to Stacy yesterday is what I write today: Think of why you are capturing your child's life in photos and enjoy it all. But remember to enjoy the moments as much as the memory. Make as many moments indelible in your heart and those moments won't need to be cataloged and journaled. You will remember.

Scrapbook, yes

Stress over it, no. Your child won't wait around for you to get your books in order. Just help them to get their life in order, and maybe that will be enough.

Home Improvement...Pray for our Children

"Whether you have biological children or not, we are all spiritual mamas to somebody, and we can be praying—single women, childless women, women with a quiver full of children, women who’ve never had any children—God has put us in the position of being true women for children through prayer." (Janet Parshall, talk-show host and speaker)

What a perfect Home Improvement challenge for this weekend. We are all 'spiritual mamas to someone' so on this Mother's Day weekend let's commit to pray for our children.

List the children that God has brought into your life...nieces, nephews, grandkids, sons, daughters, perhaps neighbors or kids of friends. Pray for these children by name every day for the rest of the month of May. Sounds simple, right...so why aren't we doing it on a daily basis all year long?

Time to improve our homes, 'spiritual mamas', and Happy Mother's Day to all!

The year I skipped Mother’s Day

Our church asked me to write an article for our Sunday program for Mother's Day. I thought I would share it here...


The year I skipped Mother’s Day
by Stacy May

One year ago today I could not face the reality that another Mother’s Day was upon us. My dreams of motherhood were unfulfilled, and I did everything possible to avoid facing the day that so many families celebrated. My husband and I enjoyed a lazy and relaxing Sunday morning. We didn’t go to church and we didn’t see our families.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “A hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Last year my heart was desperately sick. For nearly three years my husband and I had walked the road of infertility and miscarriages.

We lost our first little one at 10 weeks in July 2006. For the next two years we struggled to conceive again. We pleaded with God. We begged God. We petitioned God. But His answer was no. His answer was, “Wait on me.”

Waiting is hard. It’s full of questions, doubts, and fears.

And for me, the pain of waiting was magnified one year ago today when everywhere I looked I was reminded that others were celebrating a gift that God had not yet given to me. Mother’s Day 2008 represented the tender reality that my womb was still empty. I was 32. It had been 22 months since our miscarriage and my heart was bitter, broken and hardened.

Last summer led me on a journey of dealing with the resentment, anger and bitterness that had taken root in my heart. This was difficult, yet necessary, as I longed to walk in the freedom of God’s grace and forgiveness.

And finally, in August of last year, I discovered I was pregnant. Surely this was God’s blessing as a result of the healing that had taken place in my heart. At 7 weeks we heard a beautiful heartbeat. But at 9 weeks we were told, for the second time, our baby had died in my womb.

My dreams of motherhood vanished as quickly as they had come. And another bitter root threatened to grow.

But in God’s great mercy he didn’t allow that to happen. Just 24 days later God took my waiting and showed me it was not in vain.

On October 4, 2008, we got a call about a baby boy born in Waconia the day before. He was just 24 hours old. Were we interested? We had not started the adoption process, but we jumped in the car and went to the hospital to meet the birth mom. Within an hour she told us she would like us to adopt our son, whom we promptly named Samuel. We took him home two days later.

For seven months we have not stopped praising God for Samuel’s miraculous arrival into our lives. We are in awe of God’s timing and God’s plans for our family. And we continue to live in awe of the author and creator of life: in January we discovered that I was pregnant. Samuel will become a big brother this fall. Our story continues to be a beautiful reminder that despite all of our planning, God alone determines our future.

Today, Mother’s Day 2009, I could celebrate that my future will hold children just 11 months apart. I could celebrate that my battle with infertility has come to an end.

But instead, today I choose to celebrate that God restored my soul…before he restored my circumstances. I celebrate that he healed my heart. I celebrate freedom from the bondage of bitterness. I celebrate the blessing of waiting on the Lord.

Interesting Question...

What is one thing you did well as a mom?

I've been asking that of my friends lately. We all have grown children and often times I hear my friends talk about what they would do differently if they had to do it over again.

When I ask them what they thought they did well, I get a variety of answers:

"I read the Bible and prayed with them daily"

"I think I played with my children alot"

"I read to them"

"I loved them"

I think this is a good question for all moms to ask themselves each Mother's Day. It keeps us fresh. What are we doing well this year as a mom? Depending on your season of life, your answer will vary but that is why it is important to ask yourself, "What am I doing well as a mom?" every so often.

Be specific:

"I've gotten up in the middle of the night to feed or quiet my baby for the past 9 months...I never knew I could do that and live to tell about it!"

"I am handling sibling rivalry this year. It's hard, but I am liking the challenge."

"I am drawing my husband into this parenting thing. Last year I wanted to do everything MY way. I am seeing that being a mom means I am a team player"

You might want to write it down on the back of one of your Mother's Day cards. As long as you are hanging on to the cards, hold on to what you are doing well and then add to that next year.

After 18 years, you might just find that celebrating Mother's Day really has meaning for you!

Motherhood

We are just days out from Mother's Day...

It's so hard for me to believe that I will be celebrating Mother's Day this year! One year ago I couldn't even have imagined that I would have a 7-month old (logistically that seemed impossible!) and be 5 months pregnant this Mother's Day.

Wow...

This role of motherhood still seems so new to me. Some days are good. Some days are hard. Some days I still can't believe I am a "mom." That title is still very foreign to me.

Becoming a mom (very quickly!) has been easy in some ways, and tough in others.

In the movie Marley and Me Jennifer Aniston says about being a mom, “No one tells you how hard this is going to be."

I agree with her. Even when you love it and wouldn't trade it for the world, it is still so hard.

Some days it is hard because it's so routine. Other days its just plain tiring...like this morning when Samuel woke up crying at 4:15 a.m.

But motherhood is more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined! I am not sure I thought that when Samuel was just one month old. He didn't smile. He didn't laugh. He didn't know who I was. I just fed and changed him.

But each day it gets more and more fulfilling as Samuel gets bigger and our bond deepens. I realize I am fortunate to be able to stay home with Samuel and I am so so thankful for that.

This week lets contemplate together the gifts and the challenges of motherhood....

The house that cleans itself

How's that for a title?

Today I saw a friend reading a book with that title and I was so intrigued about the title that I asked her about it.

She was raving about the first few chapters. The idea is that you don't try to duplicate someone else's systems...instead you look at your home, your struggles with cleaning and organizing, and come up with a system that works for you. She said it is very practical.

Here is the online description:

The House That Cleans Itself is a true housekeeping guide for the housekeeping–impaired! It boldly takes on the reasons behind chronic messiness and why ordinary home–organization books won’t work. Using the methods of “horizontal thinking,” this book teaches readers how to set up a home so efficiently and logically that it seems to clean itself.

More than a how–to book, The House That Cleans Itself also looks at what God has to say about cleanliness and order, and how He can inspire order in every reader’s life in a fresh and unique way. For added fun, some of the tips Mindy uses come from research for her popular novels, The Trouble with Tulip, Blind Dates Can Be Murder, and Elementary, My Dear Watkins.

I personally haven't read it, but I think I will. The title alone has sold me :)

If you're interested you can order it online here.

Let us know if you read it!

Garage Sales!

Garage sales are alot of work! If you are going to attempt one this spring, here are a few tips. The key is to attract ALOT of buyers. If you can get people to stop and browse, you probably will get a sale.

I think setting up a garage sale is alot like 'staging' a home to sell and that requires preparation:

1. Use bright helium balloons to attract people who may just drive by

2. Cut your grass and pay attention to your yard. You want the buyers to think all the treasures you are selling have been cared for!

3. Have things in working condition...batteries for toys and an electrical extension available so buyers can try out small appliances, etc.

4. Signs are so important. The address isn't important, just big, bright signs with arrows leading drivers straight to your driveway.

5. Display your items out on tables and hang clothes up if possible. 'Presentation', even at garage sales can make all the difference in making a sale!

6. Make arrangements with a company like ARC or another charity to pick up all left-overs after the sale. The purpose of the sale is to clean out...not save and store for another year!

Betsy has a quote I like, “The more you own the more it owns you.”

If you own too much, try a garage sale this spring!

Betsy's Back...by Popular Demand!

I decided you would rather hear Betsy's inspiring words on Spring Cleaning than mine, so this is what she had to say:

"This is definitely the time of year when everyone starts thinking about spring cleaning. I don’t know if it is being cooped up inside all winter or just the need for a change that comes with the onset of Spring. If you are anything like I am when the weather gets nice out, you get that itch to clear out some of the stuff that has been piling up over the winter months. I know not everyone is born with the cleaning gene like I've got, but I do believe everyone has the desire, on some level, to be more organized. I would like to share with you today a few tips on how I get more organized with the coming of Spring.

I like to do a real once over with my house to clear out some of the things we no longer use or need. This involves the whole family. I struggled with this early on with my children, who take after me, and have a hard time parting with anything.

One thing we have decided to do in our home is have a garage sale once a year. Either in the spring or fall. I know this may seem overwhelming in one sense, but in another sense it is my way of teaching my children how to part with the toys they no longer play with. They are allowed to choose the toys, set the price and keep the proceeds of their sales. It is amazing to watch them choose

The thing I have struggled with when trying to get rid of things is I never have had a place to put them and a system to help me get rid of them. They pile up in bags in a closet or in piles in the garage. This year I have decided to purchase those large Rubbermaid containers and place them in the garage. I have not totally decided how to label them but it will be very simple, clothes, household, toys etc. When we come across something we want to get rid of we place it in the designated tub. Then when it comes time to get ready for the garage sale everything will be in one place, easy to label and get ready.

If you are not up to the garage sale, just decide that once a month you are going to run a tub to Good will and empty them out. Depending on how much you get rid of you could go more than once a month or fewer times. Just schedule a time so the tubs don’t get over grown.

The other part I struggle with is getting my girls to part with anything. I have placed a bag in each of their rooms and have told them that whatever they choose to get rid of goes in the bag. They are then allowed to set the price and keep the proceeds of the sales at the garage sale. It is amazing to watch them choose things I thought they would never get rid of.

I like how this system has allowed us to really think about things we no longer need and the garage sale gives a deadline to reach for. I hope this has inspired a few of you to let go of some of those “things” in your life that have needed to go for a while. Happy Cleaning!

Spring cleaning...what's your plan?

It's spring here in Minnesota. How about where you live?

It's still cool, but there is a hint of summer in our weather....

I am not one for organizing or cleaning. I have friends who love to do both, but I prefer to bake, read a book or go for a walk!

This time of year though it does one good to dig in and start organizing and decluttering.

Here's my plan of attack:

I'm making a list of house projects that need a little - or a lot! - of attention this spring: organize hall closet, clean out porch, clean and organize our attic (aka dumping ground all winter long), organize my pantry.

Tonight my husband and I are attacking our attic. A friend is coming over next month to help with some other organizing projects (she is giving me her TIME as a birthday gift....isn't that a wonderful present?).

And I bought some bins and I have my label maker ready to go. Out with the winter clothes, in with the summer...er, maternity clothes!

I love my label maker and find such satisfaction in labeling things. Whether it's bins of my clothing, Samuel's clothing and the many different sizes he has, items in the hall closet or kitchen containers, the label maker is one of my favorite tools!

What about you? Are you excited to start the spring cleaning in your home? What's your plan of attack? Who is going to help you? Or who are you going to help? What's your favorite tool to use around the home?

Please share any tips, thoughts or inspiration to motivate us all. And happy cleaning!

Home Improvement...from Mother Theresa

Take a moment this weekend and watch this video on You Tube: Perseverance Pt 1

Listen to the singer's introduction and enjoy the words of her song.

I don't need to say anymore, except you will love it!

Birthday Thoughts

Today's my birthday!

What a perfect time to write about perseverance! As I sit and think about my life, I would have to admit that I am very good at STARTING a task, but not so good when it comes to FINISHING a project.

So what does that mean as far as finishing each season of life well? Perseverance is a valuable but often overlooked quality in a woman, I think. Perseverance is what is needed to really make each year of your life count for something.

I have found two 'checkpoints' in my life that help me maintain perseverance.

The first is vision. As long as I can hold on to a vision that inspires me to keep going for my goal, I can persevere through the tough times. Without vision, it is easy for me to leave a task or a discipline behind.

The second 'checkpoint'is vitality. Perseverance requires discipline. Discipline brings vitality into my life because it means I am choosing my path. I need to be disciplined in my spiritual life, my physical habits, my emotional health and my mental state in order to experience vitality.

I have found if I grow weary in what I really want to do, I remind myself of the big picture-the vision-I have and that usually will encourage me to stay the course.

If the vision doesn't inspire me, it's usually because one of my disciplines are off-kilter. My spiritual life is dry. My physical body is in need of attention (more sleep, more exercise, better food, etc). My emotional needs are raw or my mental state needs some stimulation.

Birthdays are a great time to get a vision for the future. It's a great time make sure that all areas of my life-spiritual, emotional, physical and mental-are full of vitality.

The Bible says that perseverance produces character. That's what makes birthdays a perfect time to talk about perseverance. What better gift can you give yourself and your loved ones.

Go change your world

The last phrase of Barb's posting has got me thinking...

Go change your world.

It made me think of a Michael W. Smith song from my younger days.

It made me think of myself and if I believe I can still change the world?

It also made me think of my role as a mother. I have a little guy (and soon another little one) that I have the privilege of molding and encouraging.

Do I have the attitude that I can change the world by raising them?

Do I believe that they can change the world?

Will my words and my actions as I talk to them, mold them, train them, and teach them communicate that I believe they can change the world?

Hmmm...these are good things to ponder as a mom.

Perseverance

We are wrapping up another year of Homemakers with Hope! One month to go. This past month we talked about perseverance.

I shared the familiar story of "The Daffodil Principle". The story tells about a field of daffodils that covered a mountain side. In the midst of all the flowers, there was a small A-frame house with a sign next to it. People would come from all over to observe these blooming beauties and they would read this sign:

"Answers to your Questions I know you are asking":
50,000 bulbs
one at a time
by one woman
2 hands
2 feet
and a very little brain
It all began in 1958

This unknown woman changed the world in which she lived.

One little woman...with perseverance. A good story for today...go change your world.

Chocolate, condoms, netflicks

No those are not the ingredients for a romantic night at home :)

Chocolate, condoms, netflicks, romance novels, McDonalds and more...are among the industries that are doing well during the current recession.

Check out this article to read about the top 10: 10 Winners in the Recession

You'll see what people are turning to when times are tough. Some out of necessity, some out of desperation.

There are obvious ones like career building web sites and resume editing.

Some people are making wise cuts in spending: Netflicks is ultimately cheaper than taking the family to the movies and at-home coffee is cheaper than Caribou or Starbucks.

But what about chocolate? Romance Novels? McDonalds?

What does that say about what/who we turn to when times are tough? Do we indulge in sweets? Do we try to escape by reading a love story? Do we fill up on salt and fat?

At times, all those sound good to me. But am I partaking in activities or developing habits that I'm not proud of? Good things to ponder.

I just wanted to share this article and challenge each one of us as wise women to be aware and intentional about the daily choices we are making.....

Another Spring Recipe...YUM!

Here's another fun recipe to welcome in the warmer weather...

Frozen Yogurt Pie

Make granola pie crust:
1 1/2 cups granola (I used 'Bunches, Just Bunches'...it tasted great...less fat than granola)
1/4 cup butter (I used Smart Balance...healthier), melted
1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup brown sugar

Mix together, put in pie pan and bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees

Let cool

Fill the crust with Kemps strawberry frozen yogurt (or ice cream). Top it with a chocolate drizzle. Add a dollup of whip cream and fresh strawberries just before serving.

So easy and refreshing.

An Easter Recipe

I hosted an Easter brunch at my house yesterday. One of the dishes I served is the same one that Barb serves every year on Christmas.

It is so easy, so simple and so delicious. It takes just a couple minutes to prepare the night before and then you just pop it in the oven in the morning.

Caramel Breakfast Ring
18 Rhodes frozen dinner rolls (and not any more!!)
1 small box cook and serve Butterscotch pudding (not instant)
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
Optional: 1/2 cup chopped nuts (place in bundt pan first if use)

Put 18 rolls in greased bundt pan. Sprinkle with butterscotch pudding. Bring butter and brown sugar to a boil. Stir until mixed thoroughly. Pour over frozen dough rolls. Cover overnight with a towel and in the morning bake in oven for 1/2 hour at 325 or 350. Be sure to put a cookie sheet under the bundt pan to catch the caramel overflow :) Turn upside on a platter after several minutes. Serve warm.

Enjoy this delicious recipe with friends or family for the next holiday, breakfast or brunch you attend. Everyone is sure to love it!

Happy Easter!

Have a blessed and wonderful Easter weekend!

Barb & Stacy

Maundy Thursday, What's That?

Today is Maundy Thursday. Do you know what that means?

Christians commemorate the Last Supper—a Passover meal that Jesus shared with his disciples on the Thursday before He was crucified. Before He broke bread with His disciples, He washed their feet.

So much was done that evening that speaks volumes to us today but often gets lost in 'tradition'.

We celebrate Christ's resurrection and the hope of eternal life, but do we remember what Jesus told the disciples just hours before His arrest?

After washing their feet, He told the disciples, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

A few minutes later He said, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Easter is a time I thank God for my salvation. It is a time when everyone should hear the true meaning of Easter. Christ said the greatest command is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Easter is also a time to DO what Christ said before His life was complete here on earth. It is the time to 'love one another'...the second commandment.

That's why Easter prompts me to think about my friends who are walking along side me to encourage me in my faith. I thank God for them and I let those friends know that they are invaluable in helping me keep both of Christ's commands.

A Hallmark Easter?

This week I heard something that made me very sad. A friend told me about a gal she knows who is in her early 20s and had never heard the true meaning of Easter until last year.

During her younger years, this gal's family got together to celebrate Easter. They decorated eggs, made Easter baskets with candy, had a big family meal, etc. But they did not go to church. More importantly, no one ever explained to her that the reason we acknowledge and celebrate Easter is because of a man named Jesus.

This gal thought Easter was simply about an Easter bunny, eggs and candy. She knew only the Hallmark version of Easter.

Speaking of eggs...did you know the reason that eggs and bunnies are associated with Easter is because originally eggs were seen as a sign of fertility and bunnies were known for reproducing rapidly? Eggs come from chickens, not bunnies - but on this holiday it's the Easter bunny that delivers the eggs.

Hearing about the gal who had never heard about more than eggs and bunnies on Easter, made me ponder who in my life only knows the Hallmark Easter? Who has never heard that the reason we celebrate Easter is because it represents the miracle of new life...

These last few days before Easter, I'm going to take time to think about those I love and care about. I'm going to think about those I work with. Those I live near. Those I interact with.

I'm going to see if I can't help just one person understand the difference between a Hallmark Easter and an Easter that celebrates the story of Jesus and his impact on our lives.

Friends!

One week til Easter...a time for friends and family. It's a good time to consider my friends and all they mean to me.

Quite awhile ago I heard Susan Andringa talking about her book, Esteemed Journey. She asked a question that is perfect for this time of year. She was talking about friends and asked who was important in my life. She asked a powerful question when it came to choosing friends;

"Who is in your life that would be willing to die for you?"

Does that grab your attention? It did mine.

She went on to say that we have 'balcony' people in our lives and 'basement' people in our lives. It is important to identify who is who?

'Balcony friends' are friends who cheer you on. They are rooting for you and celebrate your successes.

'Basement people' are people in your life that just may be there, but not necessarily people you choose to speak into your life. They have a tendency to grab your ankles and pull you down.

I like that visual and I listed 5 friends that I consider 'balcony people'. These are friends I want to listen to.

If I ask the question, "Who is willing to die for me?" Jesus Christ has already proven His love for me. He died for ME. He needs to be #1 on my list of balcony people.

Interesting exercise just before Easter, huh?

Who do you listen to the most?

Who do you try to please?

Who would you be willing to die for?

Easter and friends...give it some thought this week.

The Easter Egg Hunt!

Our family hosted a neighborhood Easter Egg hunt for quite a few years. Kids of all ages showed up at our doorstep early morning, usually wearing winter jackets and mittens. (Easter never was a guarantee for warm weather). I divided the kids up into pairs, one older child with a younger child. Anyone who could walk could participate! Each pair was given a picture of a farm animal and that was their team name. When every team was in place, we walked to the park that was behind our home. Very early that morning, my husband and I hid colorful, plastic eggs all over the park. Each egg had a picture of a farm animal on it and was filled with goodies.
The 'hunt' started when all the young participants received a basket. When an egg was found, the older child of each team was not allowed to touch or pick up any egg. The older child could just stand over the egg that had their farm animal picture on it and make the sound of that animal. That was a signal for the younger child to come over and pick up the egg and put it in their basket.

What a sight that was:
Older children "mooing", "barking", "meowing", "baaing", "clucking", etc all over the park. Parents lined the park, taking pictures and cheering the teams on.

The 'hunt' was over before we knew it and everyone was invited to have hot chocolate, coffee and donuts to make the morning enjoyable for everyone. The treasures were sent home with each child along with the Easter story.

What started as a fun neighborhood tradition, ended up making an impact with each family.

This Easter, share the Good News...He is risen! Indeed! Tell the story with friends and neighbors this Easter in whatever way that fits your family.

Blessing Baskets

Everywhere you turn these days you see Easter baskets....wicker, plastic, stuffed...you name it and it seems to be available. They are loaded with toys, candies and other goodies.

I love gift-giving so a few years ago I made Blessing Baskets instead of Easter Baskets. I gave them to family and a few friends so they would know what a blessing they are to me.

I included some candy, a note to whoever the recipient was, and the following prayer along with jelly beans:

The Jelly Bean Prayer

Red is for the blood He gave,
Green is for the grass He made,
Yellow is for the sun so bright,
Orange is for the edge of night.
Black is for the sins that were made
White is for the grace He gave,
Purple is for the hour of sorrow,
Pink is for the new tomorrow.

A bag full of jelly beans,
Colorful and sweet,
It's a Prayer,
It's a Promise,
It's an Easter Treat!

This was just a small token to let people know that I was grateful for the blessing of their presence in my life. And it put a little bit different spin on the typical Easter basket.

Do you have ideas of ways to bless others this Easter? If so, please share! We'd love to hear everyone's creative and inspirational ideas for both kids and adults!

An Easter Discipline

As a child, I never observed 'Lent'. I don't understand what goes along with the practice, but I believe it is a discipline people follow to refrain from habits or actions for the days leading up to Easter. I used to walk with a neighbor who gave up 'sweets' before Easter. She said it really wasn't too hard because she didn't really have a 'sweet tooth.'

Stacy's posting got me thinking about Lent. These weeks leading up to Easter is probably a good time to focus specifically on my theme as far as application goes.

I find memorizing is hard for me. The point of memorizing is not to see how many verses I can memorize. The point is what happens to my mind in the process of reviewing and truly remembering each verse. I find my mind captures completely different thoughts when I am rehearsing verses than when I am 'thinking' the rest of my day.

There are only 13 days until Easter. I am going to accept Stacy's Easter challenge. I am going to feed my mind with HOPE until Easter. That is usually the mindset I have when I am memorizing, but then I go on with my daily thoughts and duties and get caught up in worries and 'what ifs' of the future.

I just finished reading, If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat, by John Ortberg. He writes about 2 laws that govern our lives:

The Law of Cognition: I am what I think about.
The Law of Exposure: My mind will think most about what it is most exposed to.

It's the second law that made me take up Stacy's challenge. I am going to expose my mind to scripture by memorizing it, but also keep it away from so many of my 'lazy' habits of TV, worthless movies, complaining conversations and even discouraging news reports. For 13 days I am going to 'feed' my mind very diligently with thoughts that are 'true, noble, right, pure,lovely, admirable, praiseworthy and excellent'!
Why does this pose such a challenge for me? Often because I am trying to do it by my own strength.

That's why I will celebrate Easter in 13 days. I will have 13 days to ponder why Christ died on the cross. I will realize that without His strength, I can do NOTHING...including bringing my 'thoughts into captivity'.

13 days until Easter. 13 days to prepare my heart and MIND.

An Easter Challenge

To help me focus on my daily bread theme, I'm planning to read two chapters from Luke every day from April 1-12. In doing so, I will read the entire book of Luke by Easter. Two chapters a day seems quite doable, will take me through the birth, life, death and end with the resurrection of Christ.

I can't think of a better way to get my heart and mind prepared for Easter this year.

I feel constantly bombarded with all the Easter decor available to purchase, candy to buy and meal planning to think about for Easter.

I don't want to miss what an amazing time of year this is - celebrating the life and death and resurrection of Christ. It's a miracle and it's one I want to take the time to acknowledge.

Do you have other ideas or suggestions on how to be mindful of the true purpose of Easter? If so, please share!

Won't you join me in this Easter challenge?

Home Improvement--2009 Theme

So we are 3 months into the 'New Year'...not too late to choose your theme for this year. Think about some area in which you would like to grow, make it your theme, and then make an effort each week to add to your theme and review what you are learning about yourself, God and others by focusing on this particular discipline, principle or topic.

Kim has dedicated Thursday to review her theme on her blog:
Check it out at: Kim Weed

What a great way to hold herself accountable.

If you don't have a blog, share your theme with a trusted friend and ask her to hold you accountable to make an effort to grow in this area.

Start this weekend if you haven't already. You won't be disappointed as the year progresses and you see a change in yourself...for the better.

Is Someone Listening to You?

"Listening is rare. There are certain people we meet to whom we feel we can talk because they have such a deep capacity for hearing; not hearing words only but hearing us as a person. They enable us to talk on a level which we have never before reached. They enable us to be as we have never been before. We shall never truly know ourselves unless we find people who can listen, who can enable us to emerge, to come out of ourselves, to discover who we are. We cannot discover ourselves by ourselves." (emphasis is mine)
quote from Jesus Man of Prayer, by Margaret Magdalene.

A deep personal connectedness takes time. We are indeed blessed to have one or maybe two people in our lives that really listen to what we say and help us realize the person we can become.

Sharing my theme with other women has been a way to let others into my life in a more purposeful way. It's non-threatening, yet takes a conversation abit deeper. It takes time to get to know people. Sharing my theme has opened the door for other women to express what they want to learn during the course of a year and allows me to hold them accountable as they hold me accountable to my goals.

It is in sharing my theme that I find who is walking in the same direction with me. Those are the women I pull into my 'inner circle' as I know they are good listeners and will help me discover myself and allow me to help them as well.

If you haven't chosen a theme for 2009, give it some thought. Then tell someone you have a theme for 2009. See what their reaction is. You might just find a new friend who will enable you to be as you have "never been before."

Update on my theme

The theme I chose for 2009 is Daily Bread.

As the mom of a young child and a mother-to-be of a second, partaking in my Daily Bread is essential.

However, I'm quickly learning that choosing my daily bread first is a matter of the mind....of the will. I can desire to spend time in the Word but desire doesn't get me anywhere. It's following through on that desire.

I am an all or nothing gal. Some days when I don't think I have adequate time to meet with the Lord, I don't do anything at all.

Other days I know I need to, but instead I procrastinate. I avoid it like the plague. I find anything and everything to do instead. I choose other things instead of investing in my theme: a book, the television or my computer.

When I choose to partake in my Daily Bread, I am more patient, more encouraging, more loving, more intentional, more prayerful. I am more aware of the needs of others as I go throughout my day. I am mindful of Scripture as I face various circumstances in my day.

When I skip my Daily Bread I am self-focused, hurried, striving to accomplish my agenda, and often distracted by unimportant things in my day.

I guess I didn't realize that my theme this year would be so...daily.

I didn't realize it would be a choice I had to make...daily.

I didn't understand how it would effect me...daily.

I've got a long ways to go on my theme - one day at a time.

Theme for the Year!

Did you pick a 'theme' for the year 2009? How's it going for you? We almost have 3 months behind us already, so have you noticed some growth in your life by focusing on a theme?

I chose a theme that is stretching me more than usual. I am 'renewing my mind'...by 'hiding God's word in my heart'. Just picking this theme has taught me something about myself:

1. I sure am good at finding excuses not to 'renew my mind'. It is so much easier just to think random thoughts.

2. Memorizing scripture requires alot of review and even then I forget what I thought I had just learned. Reviewing is a discipline in itself for me!

3. I am much more aware of scripture now, when I hear it quoted on the radio, in a sermon or written in a book. I want to 'memorize' it, but realize my list of verses 'to' memorize is already double the list of verses I have mastered.

4. I find I 'pray' scripture verses more often. That has really encouraged me to 'hang in there' with this theme.

5. One verse will lead me to another verse and I find the Bible has become more vital to my daily life.

6. I see the power of the Holy Spirit at work. I can tell when I am just trying to memorize words compared to the times when I really want to learn 'a truth'. The Holy Spirit will empower me to learn when my heart is ready to accept the truth.

7. It is a daily struggle. 'Renewing my mind' will have to be a life-long focus if this theme will be worth anything. Ummmm, Psalms 1:3 says we are to meditate on His word night and day...not just as a theme for one year.

8. I wish I had chosen this theme years ago!

What is your theme teaching you?

Here's a hip-hip-hurrah to all of you who chose a theme and have pursued it. It's not too late to gear up again and make some progress. It will be a measureable way to evaluate the year 2009 and a wonderful way to remember it.

First day of spring!

Today is the first day of spring! It doesn't seem like it here in MN beause it's cold, cloudy and raining. But isn't rain the first sign of spring?

As if this week doesn't hold enough opportunities to celebrate, today is another one.

Put away your winter decor. Get out your spring colors...rugs, pillows, centerpieces, etc.

Get out your recipes and make a list of good ones for the spring. Include a handful of new ones to try in the next few months.

Go through your wardrobe and pack up the heavy sweaters (leave some of the lighter ones if your weather is still cool like ours).

Most of all, take time to notice the sunshine, the longer, lighter days and the changes nature brings this time of year.

Go for a walk - with friends, your spouse, your kids, whomever. Enjoy and celebrate the gift of health and the smell of spring!

Happiness

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."

Do you agree with this quote of Oscar Levant?

There is real power in any moment when it is remembered...but I think women can be very good at finding happiness in any given moment because we are emotional and relational beings.

As moms, we need to celebrate often...to experience the happiness at hand and also to store away moments to remember.

I took the liberty to re-write a favorite Hallmark card that was about Fathers;

"This is how you can tell a mom
She is a woman who will play with you even though she has friends her own age to play with!"

Make today a 'happiness day'...play with your kids even if you have friends your own age to play with! Take pictures along the way or write a quick note in your journal so you can continue to experience happiness when you take time to remember.

March Madness

March Madness starts tomorrow!

We have friends hosting an all-day party at their house...possibly for multiple days in a row.

Are you aware of March Madness? It's not something we really celebrate or watch a lot of in the May household, but it's fun to hear the excitement of those who love basketball.

If your husband or children are basketball fans, tomorrow and into the weekend is a great chance to surprise them by having b-ball days at your house.

Make game friendly food.

Wear team colors (here it's maroon and gold for the gophers!).

Watch the games as a family and talk about the players together. Or rent and watch a basketball movie and then talk about the sport. Some movie options are (be sure to check movie ratings):
Coach Carter
Glory Road
Air Bud
Forrester
He Got Game
Hoosiers

Whatever you do, make it fun and memorable and celebrate the little things in life!

It's a Boy!

That's what I heard on this day, at this time...33 years ago! Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Every year I pull out Ryan's baby-book and re-live the memories. This morning I read a note an older cousin had written to him. The note ended with;
"I think you're a very lucky kid and good luck in your new life."

33 years later I can say that Ryan was a very lucky (blessed!)kid who met a wonderful girl who he somehow managed to persuade to marry him.

He has needed more than 'luck' from a blarney stone, however to experience the life he has lived up to this point.

If you're a young mom, do you ever wonder what you are going to do when your kids are grown and gone? Well, you will spend alot of time 'remembering' and alot of time praising God that He had His hand in your children's lives and but for His grace, you may not still be standing!

Raising kids is hard...so take time to celebrate along the way. Make their birthdays memorable and then record something special each year so as a mom, you can look back and see how very 'lucky' your child was.

Never let them forget that they are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that God has plans to give them "hope and a future".

St. Patricks Day

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. It is also my husband's birthday!

Today I bought Samuel a St. Patrick's Day t-shirt, we bought window stickers, some green plates and a pair of fun socks. I went grocery shopping tonight and bought food to make him a special dinner tomorrow night.

I realized that I'm going the extra mile because it is my husband's birthday tomorrow, but I really do love celebrating different holidays and the seasons they represent. I also recall growing up in a home where my mom decorated for the seasons and holidays. It is a tradition I would like to carry on with my kids.

For me, as the years go by and my kids get older, building my home will include recognizing and celebrating the seasons and the holidays. I'm not into buying for the sake of supporting the retail world, but I do think there is joy in celebrating fun days and milestones.

Tomorrow make sugar cookies with your kids and add green sprinkles or green frosting.

Dress your kids in green.

Hide a treat somewhere in the house and have them search for the 'pot of gold.'

Have green jello, green veggies, green pancakes, green milk, or whatever you can think up for your meals.

Make this a fun day of celebrating life, love and the joy of each season!

Home Improvement-as a Mom!

Here's are 3 simple questions to ask yourself this weekend...

"Who gets my best--my family or others?"

"Am I more spiritual, more fun, more loving when I am elsewhere?"

Psalm 101:2 says " I will walk in my house with a blameless heart."

Is there room for improvement?

Great Advice

One great tip I received when I was a young mom was to do what I love to do with my children. I think I was complaining at the time, to an older woman, that I really didn't like to play board games.

She responded with a question, "Then why do you play board game with them?"

I thought all good moms played board games.

She went on to suggest that I do what I love to do...with my kids.

It was then that I visited the library more often, because I loved to read.

I played in the wading pool with my kids because I loved to be outdoors and stay cool

I made healthy food with them in the kitchen because I loved to eat

I walked around the lake with them because I loved to walk

I taught them how to play hide and seek because I loved the peace and quiet for a few moments:)

I found that my list of things that I liked to do with my kids was quite lengthy and gave me alot of interaction with my kids. I was a mom with a good attitude because I was doing the things I loved to do...with my kids.

It was great advice then...it is great advice that I pass on to you:)

A homemaker...wannabe?

Today is one of those days....one of those days when you feel like being a Homemaker is a task much too overwhelming and intimidating than you are prepared for.

My home is a mess. I mean a big mess.

There is stuff everywhere. And I just picked up not that long ago. Didn't I?

Everywhere I look I see piles of papers, stuff, clothes, dishes.....and there are only 3 of us! Whose mess is this anyway?!

I just got an email in my inbox from www.homemakingorganized.com

I clicked on the link from the newsletter and read the home page of the website.

I couldn't agree with this statement more:
"Here at Homemaking Organized we believe that homemaking is infinitely easier when you're organized. And being organized does not have to be dull. It means having more time for things you love like your family instead of cleaning or organizing endlessly."

I don't like to clean. I don't like to organize.

But I realize today that I need to do those things because I don't like living in chaos either. I don't like my house a mess. I don't like not being able to eat at my dining room table because it is covered in papers.

So some days you just gotta do what you don't want to do so you can do what you want to do. Like eat dinner in an orderly fashion at the table!

I love my home and I am definitely still 'becoming an expert' on how to care for it....a life-long process I am sure!

Are You An Expert?

"The colorized spinal tracts are the fasciculus gracilis, the fasciculus cuneatus, the anterolateral system and the lateral corticospinal tract."

"Huh?" I read the above sentence in one of the books my son was studying. Sentence after sentence had more words I DIDN'T know, than words I recognized. I couldn't even begin to guess what he was learning.

I asked him how he knew what all the terms were and how he could remember it all. "Study", he said simply...and then went back to studying.

He is in his first year of medical school.

When my kids were young, I came across a quote that has become a favorite of mine:
When You Love Someone...Become an Expert of that Person

I reflected on that quote as I stared at Dan's textbooks. How was I going to to become an expert of him as a medical student when I couldn't even pronounce the words he was reading? I realized again, the wisdom of the quote as I focused on the word 'become'.

It's an on-going process to become an 'expert' on someone you love. What I knew about Dan as a toddler was the beginning of understanding him bit by bit over the years. I have had to come along side him on a regular basis in order to see him change and develop.

I won't ever BE an expert of my children. As a mom, I can only attempt to become an expert in becoming an expert of my children.

I can listen.

I can watch them.

I can remember special moments that revealed a special love of theirs.

I can ask questions (but not too many!)

I can pray for them.

I can pray for myself...that I truly am seeking to know them and not just control them.

I can find Bible verses that comfort me or fill up my mind so I don't jump to conclusions that are not wise.

I can laugh with them; I can hug them; I can cry with them; I can learn all I can about what they are learning.

I can tell them over and over again I love them in whatever 'love-language' they hear best.

I can thank God for the time, health and energy He has given me to be my kids' mom.

I can continue to ask Him how I can BECOME more of an expert to my children...no matter what age they are.

Home Improvement...In The Kitchen

Here are 2 interesting labels to check out at the grocery store this weekend. Compare Campbell's 98% Fat-Free Cream of Mushroom soup to Campbell's Healthy Request Cream of Mushroom soup. Compare the fat content, the saturated fat content and the sodium content on the labels. You might be surprised by what you find.

Here's a Heart-Smart Cookie to try this weekend. Let me know what you think, I think it is tasty and better for you and your family than the traditional chocolate chip cookie:

6 Tablespoon butter, melted
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup white flour
1/3 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 teaspoon salt

Mix the above together

Add 1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped dates (You can substitute raisins if you don't like dates)
3 oz chopped bitter chocolate (If you use milk-chocolate, it isn't as heart-healthy, but it might appeal to your family for the first time around)

Bake at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes.

Enjoy...and have a healthy weekend with your familiies!

Less is More

'Less is more' is a good motto to have in the kitchen. Less salt, less sugar, less calories, less in serving size. Moms, as cooks, are in control here and can influence their family in many small ways.

Eating healthy did not come easy for me. I was born with a SWEET tooth. I have had to gradually change my eating and cooking habits over the years.

Some of the basic ways I changed my habits included:

Replacing couple of tablespoons of white flour with whole wheat flour everytime a recipe calls for flour. Normally, no one would notice the difference. I would increase the whole wheat flour gradually in many recipes until I was using only whole wheat flour if my family didn't complain about the texture or taste!

Often I will not add salt to anything I cook. Table salt can be added if it is really necessary, but often times a meal doesn't need the extra sodium.

I rarely 'pack' the brown sugar into the measuring cups as many recipes call for. If I am making it just for the family, the added sweetness usually is not missed.

I make my own white sauce instead of using canned soup. It reduces the sodium, additives and fat in a recipe. It is definitely cheaper too. Here's a basic recipe:

In a small, heavy saucepan, melt 2 tablespoons of butter over low heat.
Blend 2 tablespoons of flour into the melted butter.
Add 1/4 teaspoon of salt.
Cook over low heat, stirring, for 4 to 5 minutes. Cooking for this length of time will minimize 'flour' taste.
Slowly add 1 cup of milk, stirring constantly.
Continue cooking slowly until smooth and thickened.
For thin white sauce, follow the instructions above, but use 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of flour. Thin white sauce is used in cream soups.
For thick white sauce, follow the instructions above, but use 3 tablespoons of butter and 3 tablespoons of flour. Thick white sauce is used in soufflés.

I read labels! Saturated fat is usually what I am looking for. Tortillas are a great place to experiment with your low-fat tolerance. They come in all diffferent fat content. I use the no fat version when I use them in a main dish. I use 1 gram of fat tortillas when eating as a bread.

I use "Smart Balance" (not the lite) when I bake instead of butter often. A friend of mine who is a cardiologist says she tells her patients to use this instead of butter all the time.

Consider the responsibility you have if you are the cook for your family. Little habits can make a big difference in the health of the ones you love and often will be more economical as well.

A homemade favorite from long ago

All Recipes has a link to budget-friendly recipes for under $10. One of them is a tuna noodle casserole. It reminded me of the casserole my mom used to make growing up. It is definitely a winter-in-Minnesota kind of dish. It was quick, easy and went a long way to feed a family of five. I don't eat tuna normally because I don't care for mayo, but I loved this casserole growing up. The original recipe may not be the healthiest, but by altering a few of the ingredients or adding some extra veggies, you can spruce it up in no time. Serve with a lettuce or fruit salad.

Tuna Casserole
2 cups cooked egg noodles
2 cans cream of celery soup (use Healthy Request - 98% less fat and less sodium)
1 cup milk
2 cans tuna, drained
1 can peas or 1-2 cups frozen peas
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup shredded or cubed cheddar cheese

Mix all and put in greased casserole dish. Bake at 350 for 45 min to 1 hour.

With a recipe like this you can add diced onion, corn, mushroom, celery, garlic or whatever your preference to make it go further and make it healthier. This can be a base for you to work with! To make it cheaper, use whatever ingredients you have on hand. If you have macaroni noodles and not egg noodles, use those. If you have cream of mushroom soup, use that instead. Substitute corn for peas or cheddar for whatever is in your fridge.

Enjoy!

A Penny Saved...

Use this recession time to re-think your habits and build new ones!

I went back into my archives of recipes and found a favorite that cost pennies to make. It has great flavor, so don't let the name scare you off!

Chili Spaghetti

1 pound of ground beef ( I use ground turkey...less fat!)
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 cups tomato juice
1 can (16 ounces) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
6 ounces spaghetti, broken into 3-inch pieces
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 to 3 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper

In a skillet over medium heat, cook beef, onion and garlic until meat is no longer pink; drain. Transfer to a grease 1 1/2 quart baking dish; stir in the remaining ingredients. cover and bake at 350 degrees for 65-70 minutes or until spaghetti is just tender. let stand, covered, for 10 minutes. 6 servings.

Almost any woman can cook up a tasty dinner full of fat and 'not-so-good-for you' ingredients, wouldn't you agree?. If your paycheck is tight or your job is on the line, use this time to cut back and learn how to cook healthy. Use as many natural ingredients as possible.

You will emerge from this recession healthier in more ways than one!

Will the recession make you fat?

"Will the recession make you fat?" was the title of a segment on the Today Show this morning. You can read the online article here.

There were some great shopping tips and good reminders on how to save money when going grocery shopping.

Many consumers think it's too expensive to eat healthy (fresh fruits and veggies are expensive). Buy fresh fruit and vegetables when they are on sale or buy frozen. They suggest scaling back on eating out and you'll save money there. Limit excessive snack-buying (pre-packaged snacks can be spendy). Buy larger containers of yogurt, cereal, and snacks and divide into smaller portions.

Stop buying beverages such as fancy coffee, fruit drinks, fruit juices, soda, and bottled water. Invest in a home filtering system and guzzle clean, good (and virtually free!) water. They made the recommendation to buy a few colorful water bottles and keep those filled with cold, refreshing water. I got a Camelbak water bottle for Christmas this year and it sits on my counter (or in my bedroom or living room) all day and I keep filling it with my filtered water. This helps me to rarely drink pop or other sugary beverages. Sames goes for my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. They bought a few Camelbak water bottles and refill them constantly. We are all learning how these healthier and cheaper habits can benefit our budget and our waistline!

You can read all the food tips and suggestions online (it's worth your time!).

Another angle of the segment was that when people are stressed they eat more - and they tend to eat more comfort foods. People who are feeling discouraged or depressed, will also exercise less and prefer to spend time as a 'couch potato.' In hard economic times, people stop their personal trainers, quit their gym memberships, and get little exercise. They suggest choosing exercises that are free such as working out at home using tv exercise shows or walking. Exercise is exactly what we all need to help with depression and give us more joyful attitudes in these hard times.

The Today Show also noted that people turn to alcohol to calm them down when they are anxious and nervous about the economy. Alcohol is a depressant so it can make things worse if someone is already struggling through a tough situation.

This week Barb and I will share some healthy and budget-friendly recipes. If you have ones to share please comment or e-mail us - we'd love to post your recipes and we'd love to try them out ourselves!

Silly Advice...?

Anonymous left this comment on our last posting:

That is the silliest advice I have heard on marriage. I totally disagree with the notion that we will (left to our own) tear each other down and be selfish. The best marriages are ones that are strong from the start - ones with people who actually love each other. If you find yourself working that hard to keep your marriage together then I suggest taking a look at why you got married in the first place. In looking at my friends the best marriages are the ones that require the least amount of work. If you are working non-stop then perhaps you errored in who you married or have the wrong focus. Just my two cents.

Thank you for the feedback! It is nice to hear from the readers and get some discussion going.

There is a law of nature, the law of disintegration, that states that everything goes from order to disorder...whether it is a new car that is driven off the lot, a new business that starts up or a clean house that is all in order. If left without management and close attention, they all begin to erode. So it is in a marriage. A husband and wife will drift apart if a marriage isn't given the proper attention. Even the best marriages, where two individuals are perfectly in tune with one another, need good habits to sustain a quality relationship and that is what this posting is proporting.

I agree that the best marriages are the ones that are strong from the start, but there are many of those that fall apart over the years if GOOD HABITS aren't in place. The posting was all about the GOOD HABITS that this wife had with her husband..communication, time to enjoy one another, spend time together, etc.

A good marriage takes work. A good marriage is hard sometimes, but so is many worthwhile pursuits.

I can encourage readers that when good habits are put in place in your marriage, your relationship will flourish and grow deep roots. Over time, a marriage with good habits just works...and no longer is considered hard work!

Please keep reading this blog and giving us your two cents, anonymous.

Guest Contributor...

Stacy and I asked one of the original "Homemakers with Hope" to share some thoughts about how she keeps her marriage a priority. She is a young mom of 2 daughters...

"I would be the first to say that keeping my marriage a priority is very difficult in this day and age of our fast-paced society. We are all so busy doing things that are good that we easily lose sight of what is best (i.e. our marriages). I do feel like I need to state the obvious, but the ideas I list below are things we do but we do them all surrounded in a blanket of prayer everyday. We know that left to ourselves we would choose to be selfish, we would choose to fight against each other instead of work together. It is only through our individual relationship with Jesus that allows us to see each other through God's eyes and allows us to have the marriage that God himself designed. Without His strength and goodness flowing through us, we would not be able to maintain a good marriage on our own. So that said, here are a few practical ways Jeff and I have chosen to help us keep our marriage a priority.

First, we choose to talk often about our relationship. We talk about our goals and dreams as a couple. This helps us stay focused and connected and moving in the same direction. It is very motivating to make something a priority when you are moving together in the same direction to meet a common goal.

Second, we purposely put ourselves in situations that make us communicate (even and especially about the everyday things) as much as possible. One way we do this is we have only one car. It not only allows us to save money, it makes us talk everyday about what we are doing, our schedules, and ultimately our feelings about those things going on in our day. It helps us stay on the same page which is really important in a good marriage.

Third, we try to schedule regular date nights. We are fortunate enough to have our parents close by to help watch our girls so we can make this a reality. Time away together is essential to making your marriage a priority. Along with the date nights we try to foster activities that we both love. We love to go to movies and out to eat. When going out isn't an option we will often rent or re-watch a movie that we both love. Doing things that we both love helps maintain the relationship and helps us keep it a priority."

Wow, great ideas and insight...thanks for sharing Betsy!

Marriages Hit Hard Times

I have to believe that there are many marriages that are hurting these days.

According to the Association of Bridal Consultants, more than 67 percent of newlyweds believe the most serious conflict in their first year of marriage is about money. In addition, of the 40,000 consumers who call in to Cambridge Credit Counselors for free financial advice, about 4 percent blame money problems for their divorce. (from iparenting.com)

Our economy is hurting and that has got to have an affect on many of our marriages.

What's a wife to do when her husband loses his job? When groceries cost more than the budget allows? When there is no money for the 'extras'?

There are many tips given to help extend our money but I think a wife can do even more. She can be there for her husband.

Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth in their book, What Happy People Know, state that most people struggle with 2 basic fears:
Fear of not having enough
Fear of not being enough

Husbands who are concerned about their inability to provide for their families during these tight times struggle with these fears.
This can be a wonderful time for a wife to grow in her faith in God and love for her husband. As women, we can have a profound impact on our husbands by finding contentment with what we have at this time. As wives, we can have a profound impact by letting our husbands know that we love them even when their role as a provider is compromised.

I am not sure who gave me this financial advice, but I have found it so helpful:
1. Spend on things that matter
2. Save for things that matter
3. Give to things that matter

Be a wife who quietly applies this advice. Then spend the rest of your energy on enjoying what you have and loving your husband for who he is.

Two Good Choices

I read an article by Pam Farrel, a 'relationship specialist' who stated:

"There are many ways to mess up love because humans can have a bent toward selfish, controlling, and basically not-so-smart choices"

I thought of Stacy's post from yesterday. She mentioned that she had to be mindful of her choices because there are so many 'good' choices to choose from. I think, as women, we have so many interests,so many choices, we need to ask ourselves what might be the best choice.

Pam has a list of the Top Six Snares to Long Lasting Love:

1. Think, "I can handle a schedule that has almost no time for my spouse."

2. Live at a pace that rarely allows for 'red hot monogamy' (sexual intimacy)

3. Ignore boundaries with the opposite sex by meeting alone with opposite sex

4. Think, "I deserve it," and reward your hard work with an unhealthy habit like pornography, food, drinking or shopping addiction

5. When stressed by work, unload on your mate with anger, negativity or demands.

6. Ignore alarms that past baggage is trying to reclaim ground in your life (tramatic childhood, addictions, anger, critical spirit, etc) Often your spouse will be the first to see the symptoms and bring up the topic which is met with hostility. denial, or rationalizing.

Being aware of these snares may help us make better choices.

The article ends on a good note. In a nut shell, she says to make 2 good choices daily:

BE NEAR TO GOD

BE NICE

Make it a great weekend, everyone!

Chossing between right and right

The following excerpt is taken from an article printed in Marriage Partnership. I love the explanation about the two kinds of decisions we face and how the author describes priority decisions....read on!

Q. You've said decisions are of two kinds. What are they?

A. Aside from minor decisions, like which way to drive home from work, they tend to be moral decisions or priority decisions. Moral decisions are choices between right and wrong. To make the wrong choice is sin. The power to make correct moral decisions results from our desire to have integrity and the enabling power of God.

But priority decisions are choices between right and right. They represent our choices about how to allocate our time and money. Deciding whether to take your wife out to dinner or play ball in the city league that night is a priority decision. Working on Saturday mornings or spending that time with family is a priority choice. Investing in the stock market or staying liquid is a choice between two acceptable alternatives. The only imperative in making priority decisions is to be wise—to choose between good, better, and best.

But aren't some decisions really both?

Yes, decisions with both moral and priority implications are not merely about how to spend time and money, but carry with them the full weight of God's principles. Buying a new car is a simple priority decision when transportation is the consideration. But the decision to buy a luxury car we covet which robs money from higher priorities, like savings pledged to college tuition or tithing, takes on the added dimension of a moral issue—a choice between right and wrong.

Patrick Morley, formerly in real estate, now serves the Christian men's movement. Adapted from The Man in the Mirror (Zondervan, 1989) by permission.

The author says that the way to make priority decisions is to be wise. So it is with marriage. Daily we can choose between two right things, to good options, two wonderful opportunities on how to spend our time and energy. But in order to make our marriage a priority, we have to ask ourselves what is the WISE thing to do? What is the BEST thing to do?

And ladies I believe it starts with us. In my home, my husband will almost always choose family as a priority. I, on the other hand, have a multitude of activities and events to choose from and some are very tempting.

I am thankful for the advice of using wisdom when choosing my priorities.

Making your marriage a priority

In the survey we offered last fall the number one topic chosen was Making Your Marriage a Priority.

As a girl who fills her day with to-dos, activities, outings and project after project, this is an area of great struggle for me. We’ll address this topic in the coming days, but be assured: we are writing to ourselves as much as we are writing to you. Please feel free to share your questions about this topic or ideas that you have found are invaluable in helping you make your marriage a priority.

Debra Evans in the book Blessing Your Husband, says, “Marriage is the most important human relationship a man and a woman voluntarily commit to in live. It was designed to survive raising kids to adulthood and all of the stresses and strains involved in family life.”

She also quotes Gary Smalley about the Art of Flexibility: Gary states that many women have their days planned from morning to evening and when something has to be changed, it ruins their day. “Your schedule is important, however you need to maintain a balance by being able to set aside your priorities from time to time to pay special attention to your husband and his needs.”

Questions to ponder this week as we discuss making your marriage a priority:
What kind of reaction does my husband get when he walks in the door at night? Or when I greet him at the door as we both return home from work?
Am I already writing my to-do list in my head for the evening or weekend? Where does my husband fit on that list or schedule?
How many opportunities for blessing and celebration have I missed with my husband because of my determined choice to stick to a schedule or remain preoccupied with my daily work?
When was the last time we sat down and had a one on one conversation together? Or when have we had a night or weekend alone together in the past year?
What would it look like to make my husband and my marriage a priority?

Where's My Focus?

I was looking forward to reading The Power of a Praying Wife when it first became popular. I was always eager to pray for my husband...because there was so many areas to cover with the Lord:)

Imagine my surprise when the first chapter was all about ME. The author, Stormie Omartian devotes 23 pages writing about wives. It's the longest chapter in her book.

Her point was...don't bother praying for your husband if you aren't ready to pray for yourself and your relationship with your husband. Praying for our husbands isn't making a list of complaints and bringing them before the Lord. It's really about praying for understanding so we can become the wife our husband needs.

Dr Steve Stephens and Alice Gray wrote The Walk Out Woman. They offer 2 helpful questions for women to ponder when their marriage is frustrating and their husbands remain a mystery. Gary Thomas, in Sacred Influence, offers a 3rd question:

1. What's it like being married to me?
2. What's it like hearing the words I say?
3. What's it like living with my attitude?

These questions keep me in prayer most of the day.

Home Improvement...Valentine's Day

"I wish I were younger...I could be married to you longer!"

Wow, is that the ultimate line for a perfect Valentine card or what?!

Have fun tomorrow with Valentine's Day.

Brent Curtis and John Eldredge says in The Sacred Romance: "The most crippling thing that besets the pilgrim heart is simply forgetfulness, or more accurately, the failure to remember."

Remember the 'good stuff' about your spouse tomorrow and then let the Valentine celebration begin!

82 years!

Every morning I turn on the Today Show to catch up on news and see the weather for the day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Willard Scott does birthday wishes for those who have lived many many decades....

Today they acknowledged a couple who had been married for 82 years. 82 years!!!

She was in her late 90s and he was 102.

Can you imagine celebrating 82 anniversaries?

I was inspired. I was encouraged. I was challenged!

I am about to celebrate 8 in a few weeks.

I got to thinking about what it takes to make it for 82 years (besides getting married as a teenager :).

I"m guessing their love is not reserved for one special day a year in February. I'm guessing they've learned how to give and receive love 365 days a year. I'm guessing they've faced hard times together, good times together and unexpected times together.

This Valentine's week I'm inspired by a couple I've never met....whose commitment to one another and to marriage challenges me to keep on keeping on - on Valentine's Day and every day.

The First Valentine

"The story of Valentines Day begins during the heyday of the Roman Empire, which held a festival every February. This Lupercian Festival was held in honor of the God of Fertility and during the festivities young men would get to choose their mate. At the time marriage was a common occurrence, but when Claudius became Emperor he changed all of that. Fearing that men would refuse their duty to fight because they would not want to leave their wives behind, he outlawed all marriages. Young couples still fell in love though and still wished to marry and they took these desires to the Catholic Bishop Valentine who, understanding love, began to secretly marry couples. When Claudius found out, he had Valentine arrested and ordered put to death. While waiting in jail, Valentine began exchanging letters with the jailer’s daughter and soon had fallen in love with her. The day he was to be beheaded, he wrote her one last note and signed it: ‘From Your Valentine’." (from Google)

The jailer's daughter and Valentine only knew each other by the letters they wrote to one another. Their love blossomed.

That's the power of the written word.

Mark Twain once said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Perhaps this Valentine's Day we can follow Valentine's example and Twain's advice and write out a few compliments and present them to our spouse. So often we think the good thoughts, Valentine's is a great day to express them.

Just think, if Mark Twain had beaten Valentine to the punch and written out a few good compliments to his wife, he could have invented Valentine's Day...but would that mean we would have to call it 'St Twain's Day'?!

V-Day

Tonight my husband and I were watching The Biggest Loser on television and it seems that every other commercial was for jewelry for Valentine's Day. Clearly, someone out there believes all women want jewelry for this day of love.

Ryan asked me after one of these commercials what I wanted for V-Day. My response: a Dustbuster. Sexy huh? But I do really want one to quickly vacuum up little spills, dirt under the table and to vacuum off our furniture easily. Can't imagine what that commercial would look like!

So I asked Ryan, "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" (typically we don't exchange gifts but I thought I would ask just to see his answer...). I won't write his answer, but he is a guy so you can guess what look I got :)

While I'm not into buying or receiving expensive chocolates, flowers and jewelry for V-Day (that doesn't count baked goodies!), I see no reason why we can't use this day as another opportunity to tell our spouse how much we love and respect him. What a great time for me to give Ryan want he prefers most of the 5 love languages - quality time. What a perfect day to celebrate the blessing of marriage, love and Christ-centered commitment.

Yes we can let Hallmark or Kay's Jewelry dictate 2/14 or we can decide for ourselves how to celebrate it in our own relationships....showing love, sharing love and celebrating love.

Ahhh, Love Is In The air!

I love Valentine's Day. I love all the fun things that the stores promote this time of year. Maybe it's the RED color that excites me, but I do love Valentine's Day!

My husband and I met and married within a 6 month time frame...and then he left for a 6 month stint with the Marines right after our honeymoon.

When we began living together as husband and wife...well, we had alot to learn about one another. Praise God, His hand was in our marriage because I don't think that anyone would advise 2 people to marry who hadn't even experienced 3 seasons of the year together!

One good thing that did come out of our whirlwind marriage was GOOD HABITS! I don't mean hygiene habits, I mean habits in the way we treated each other. I don't think we intentionally set out to develop good habits, we were just strangers who treated each other kindly and spoke with respect. We married before we had down and dirty fights! We had promised each other "til death do us part" so we must have instinctively responded with GOOD HABITS as we interacted those first years.

Since then, I have read that true ROMANCE is a relationship with GOOD HABITS! Dean and I could be the poster couple for that definition:

We don't go out to dinner on Valentine's

He doesn't buy me jewelry

I don't make him a 4 course meal

He does occasionally buy me flowers

But we have ROMANCE! I haven't always acknowledged that. There were years when I felt bad I didn't get wined and dined...until I realized I didn't need that 'bling' to convince me of Dean's love. I needed his daily care and concern that comes from his kind and good habits.

Good habits...treating each other with respect, enjoyment, and kindness has built an atmosphere of ROMANCE into our marriage that is dependable and certain.

Dr Laura says "CHOOSE WISELY" then "TREAT KINDLY". It's all about the habits.

Action expresses priorities

Priority is defined as:
1. something given special attention

2. highest or higher in importance, rank, privilege, etc.: a priority task.

This week my priorities have been my family. Samuel's Gotcha Day was a big priority this week as was my husband. He received a fabulous job offer on Monday and all week we have been talking and praying and discussing what to do (it involves a possible move or him commuting out of state).

I believe I have given special attention to both my boys this week. Other things have fallen by the wayside while I poured my time, energy, planning, etc. into the two of them.

That is definitely not always the case. Sometimes we can say this is my priority or that is my priority. But when it comes down to it, how have we spent our time? How have our actions reflected our priorities?

Gandhi says: "Action expresses priorities."

This weekend reflect on how you would answer the question: What are your priorities? Then take notice of how you spend your time.

I believe this will give us all something to ponder.

Gotcha!

"Do you, Ryan Dale May intend to provide for this little baby until he is of legal age?"

"Do you agree to take care of him even if he has mental or physical problems in the future?"

These were just some of the questions that Ryan and Stacy were asked at court today.

Today was "Gotcha Day"...a day of celebration for our family. Samuel Lee May was officially recognized by the court to be the son of Ryan and Stacy.

It was very official.

It was very emotional.

It was very fun.

As we entered the Juvenile Court, we were screened by security. Even Great-Grandma had her cane scanned and her shoes checked! It caught me off guard that security would be so tight, when we were coming there to celebrate.

The ceremony lasted about 10 minutes...with a lawyer asking the questions, a court reporter documenting it all and a judge who happily declared Samuel to be the son of Ryan and Stacy.

Not a dry eye could be found.

All thought about work, emails, blog postings or daily tasks took second place today.
Today was all about praising God for His perfect gift of Samuel Lee May. Today was about smiling at anyone and everyone that crossed our path.

"Gotcha"...now has a whole new meaning for me!

Balance!

Balance, that's what I am striving for when I think of priorities.

A balanced life...one that I can control. But life has taught me that balance may be a myth. Try as I might, I have not found a formula that allows me to fit all my priorities neatly onto my calendar.

Too many unknowns

Too many interruptions

Too many people vying for my attention

Rather than balance, I think I am after a 'well-ordered heart'.

That's what you had yesterday, Stacy. You were able to choose Ryan over the blog or other daily demands because your heart was in tune with God's. Your heart was 'well-ordered'.

Do I dare tell you how long it took me to learn that lesson?!

Daily I have to seek to love God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind. On the days that my heart is 'well-ordered', I am ready to meet the needs of everyone I care about and my own needs will then be met as well.

Now, I have to run...my husband is asking me when dinner is going to be ready?!

Priorities

So I meant to blog all day today.

In fact I had a chapter from the book Blessing Your Husband by Debra Evans all picked out to reference in my posting.

I didn't get a chance to review the chapter until late afternoon. Then Ryan got home earlier than usual and I still hadn't blogged. So once we had dinner I decided to sit down to write today's posting.

I turned to chapter 5 titled "The Blessing of Right Priorities." Just as I started to type, my husband came to the couch where I was sitting and asked if we could cuddle for a bit. I was heading out at 6:30 for the evening and he wanted and needed some quality time.

I looked at my computer screen and my book. I turned to him to say that I needed to blog so I wouldn't have to do it later tonight.

But then I realized....how could I possibly sit here and write about making your husband a priority while telling my husband that blogging was my priority over spending time with him? The irony was overwhelming.

So I closed my laptop, shut the book and cuddled on the couch for 30 minutes.

Ladies it's one thing to write about priorities. It's one thing to think about priorities in your head. It's one thing to say that your spouse is your priority.

But to live it out.

Now that's an entirely different concept.

We'll talk about it more this week. I hope. But no promises because I'm striving to make sure my actions match my words.