"Mommy...MOMMY....Mom...Mommie...Mom..."

...Mommy...MOMMY....Mom...Mommie...Mom...mommy...ma...mom"
Are those words ringing in your ears? Do you have to catch yourself so you don't answer in an impatient way, or worse!
I remember as a mom of young kids, there were so many times I fell into bed with those words haunting me as I thought I hadn't quite fulfilled my days duties, I hadn't met everyone's needs. What's a mother to do?

Try the sneaker test and see if that won't help you this week. Put out one pair of sneakers for each child that you have. To begin with, actually change shoes during the day as you interact with each child. (Now use some common sense and don't go jumping from one pair to another with each sentence you say to each child)! Just plan a simple activity with one child and put on the shoes you have designated for that child. Then be mindful of another interaction of some length with your other child, and so on. I think you may find the hollering for 'Mommy' diminishing abit when you are proactive and reach out to get into your child's life daily. It may just be to look at a picture book, color a poster, build with legos, rake the leaves, have a tea party or rock your little one before naptime. Kids just need abit of one-on-one time with mommy.

Have you ever put on your running shoes in the morning and they feel great and you head out for a full day? By the time you take off your shoes at night however, your toes are crinkled and sore and your feet are hot and stinky. As much as you love those shoes it feels so good to wiggle your toes and let your feet breathe. Well, if you are a mom full-time, everyday with no break or breathers, that's when the call for "MOMMY" starts to wear you down. Try this exercise of changing your shoes sometime during the day and see if that doesn't make you and your kids abit more comfortable!

Of course, I don't need to tell you that the cry for 'mommy' is just for a season. All too soon you will find yourself longing for those words to be directed at you again. So make the most of this season of your life...you are a mommy and someone is just calling out to tell you that you are loved!

Sneakers = Sacrifice?

I have had the neat opportunity to see friends recently who have made the wise choice to pull on their sneakers as new moms. They probably didn't even realize they were putting on their sneakers, but they were!

Ryan and I went to visit some family near Chicago recently. We went to see an amazing musical with his cousins who have a four-month-old daughter. Our plan was to go out to dinner after the musical. Instead of going out, Ryan's cousin made the wise choice to go home and order Chinese take out for us all so that she could be there to feed her daughter and put her to bed for the night.

Now which would have been more fun: going out to dinner in a fun restaurant in downtown Chicago or eating take out at home?

The answer: it doesn't really matter. It wasn't about which would be more fun. It was about the reality of motherhood and the sacrifices one has to make as a mom. Rather than keeping on her fancy shoes for a night out on the town, this wise mom (of only four months!) made the sacrifice to slide on her tennies and fulfill her calling as a mother.

I have a friend who recently made the decision to turn down an invitation to a party because her daughter's bedtime conflicted with the get together. She could have possibly found a baby sitter or she could have kept her daughter up a bit later. Instead, she too made the motherhood sacrifice of choosing tennies over her friends.

I know they will both be blessed for their wise decisions!

Now for the REAL Shoes...

In talking about priorities for women, we have spent 3 weeks sharing about how our 'feet' help to visualize what tasks we take on daily. Please go back and read earlier posts if this doesn't make sense to you because today we are moving onto 'real shoes'... hoping to relieve some of the stress that women feel as their daily tasks mount up.

Many years ago, I was struggling with how to prioritize my days. After identifying my role as a child of God, a woman and a wife, I looked into my closet to see what choices I had to pick from as I reviewed my daily plans. It didn't take long to realize as a mom of 3 young kids, that my day would be mostly spent as a MOM. Right away I reached for my sneakers, knowing they would be the perfect 'first' shoe to wear as my day would be filled with the busyness of children. Choosing the sneaker, I knew I would be comfortable, ready for the long haul and my foot would be supported and able to take on another marathon of a day. A sneaker would go with just about any of my outfits, was acceptable most places and could be worn year round. I was stopped in my tracks, however as I put on a pair of sneakers, knowing I would be wearing them all day. How would this prioritize my day? I would just wear sneakers, attend to my kids and the day would be over. That's when I experienced an 'aha' moment, because I realized I couldn't wear one pair of sneakers all day...I had 3 kids. I needed a pair for each child! By identifying my need for individual sneakers, I would be giving each child individual attention daily. Just as I 'visualized' wearing slippers when I interacted with my husband, I could 'visualize' wearing a different pair of sneakers with each child and really giving them quality time daily. Being a mom doesn't mean I can jump into a pair of shoes and I am off to do my duty. It means being intentional with each child and really getting into each life. That's a challenge, but it also the reward of motherhood. We'll talk more this week on sneakers...but for now, go gather a pair of running shoes or cross-trainers, one for every child you have and be ready for a good week of mothering.

You Choose the Ending...

Remember those stories you read in Junior High where you could choose different endings to complete the book? You had several options and depending on what you chose, the heroine might die or live happily ever after. Well, here's a chance for you to choose your ending...

You are busy in the kitchen, preparing a meal to take to a sick friend. You aren't too skilled at pulling together a 'make and take meal' so you are trying your best to make it work. You got up early to get a stew in the oven, a jello in the frig, bread baking in your bread maker and you have all the ingredients out on the counter to make an apple cake. You take a quick break to make a few business calls and get some bills in the mail by noon. Just then, your husband walks in the kitchen running late for an appointment. He seems oblivious to what you have going on and he asks if 'you could help him out with some things today?' You turn to him and....(you choose the ending)

a. Throw a cup of flour at him....he goes off to work looking like he's married to quite a chef

b. You scream, "can't you see I am like Martha Stewart/Mother Theresa, making a dinner, only to give it away? You are married to such a wonderful woman, how can you ask anything more of me?" Your husband heads off to work, wondering why he would marry Martha Stewart/Mother Theresa

c. You smile a minute, count to ten, look down and pretend you are wearing your slippers and politely ask him what those 'things are that need to be done today' before you give him an answer. Your husband mentions 3 things that aren't too outrageous so you tell him you can fit it in after you are done cooking. He heads off to work a happy man and you continue with your day, knowing you slipped into your slippers for a moment as you listened to your husband...as you responded in a helpful way.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to evaluate what ending would be most beneficial to a marriage, does it? I share this scenario with you as an example of how an everyday occurrence can turn into a victory for you. Each day you are writing your life story. Each day you can choose what shoes to wear. By choosing to listen to your husband, respond in a gentle manner and be willing to help him for a short time during the day, you may have changed your story from a tragedy to a real-life love story! It may mean that you, the heroine of your story, can live happily ever after with your hero!

The power to choose

Every day we are faced with the opportunity to make choices.

Pastor and author Erwin McManus says, "The most spiritual activity you will engage in today is making choices."

If you are like me, you haven't thought about choices as spiritual decisions. But it is true - choices are spiritual decisions! I choose every day how I spend my time, my money, my energy. I choose my attitude. I choose my actions.

In my relationship with God I can make choices that move me closer toward Him (prayer, Bible study, worship). If I choose the wrong thing....like I did earlier this week when I chose vacuuming, dishes and laundry over spending time with the Lord....I suffer the consequences.

So it is with marriage. When I said "I do" I made an initial choice. But I also have to make a daily choice to "choose slippers." In doing so, I will grow in my relationship with Ryan.

But choosing slippers is not easy. My natural reaction is to be selfish, impatient and lazy. My natural focus is me - my needs, my preferences, my desires.

Isn't that why marriage is so good for us? It forces us to think beyond ourselves. It forces us to slow down, take time and pull on our slippers for the sake of our mate.

That is, if we so choose.

Homework on the Blog?

Now we will see how serious you are! Here's a quick homework assignment that will encourage you to wear your slippers daily. For the next 5 days:

1.Pay Attention to you husband in a very intentional way. Visualize that you are wearing slippers (if just for 5 minutes). Stop and really listen to your husband as he talks about his day, or asks a favor of you, or shares some dream with you. Give him eye contact during this time.

2.Show Appreciation to your husband...thank him for his hard work, his help around the house, how he treats your mom. Watch for something he does that just makes you want to say 'Thank you!'

3. Express Affection to your husband. Not in a hot and heavy way, but in simple acts of kindness. Picture yourself wearing slippers when you walk by him and reach out and touch his arm or tousle his hair. Give him a backrub when you watch the news together. Hold his hand when you walk into Target. Everyday affection becomes magnified when you see yourself wearing slippers

Try this homework for 5 days, and see if it doesn't awaken your relationship with your husband. Share some ideas with the rest of us...it will be extra credit for homework well done!

Think slippers

I love my slippers. In the summer I wear flip flop slippers and now that the weather is turning cooler I like slippers that keep my feet warm and cozy.

I think of slippers when I read this marriage advice by author Lynn Bowen Walker (she says a friend shared it with her years ago)...

Her friend asked her: "Have you ever thought about the difference between goals and desires?" "Your desire may be to have a happy marriage. But you can't control that; that takes two people. The only thing you can control," she said, "is you. So even though your desire is to have a happy marriage, you have to make it your goal to be a good wife."

While 'good wife' can sound very beaver cleaver-like, I think the point is that desiring something doesn't really get us anywhere.... It is up to us to set goals to achieve our desires. And when it comes to marriage, we control whether or not we slide on our slippers each day (mentally or physically).

Maybe one simple goal for us as young wives is to make sure we have some slipper time each day. That might be one-on-one focused conversation, that might be cuddling on the couch and rubbing his back, that might be pursuing intimate time together, or it might just be responding patiently and respectfully when everything in you wants to respond differently.

Our marriages are too important ladies to not set goals for ourselves as wives. So make it your goal to 'think slippers' today!

The Wife You Always Wanted To Be

Two weeks ago, we started a new discussion on women and priorities. How do we keep everything in balance, how do we keep from 'going under' with all the demands put upon us? I shared about a time in my life when I needed to take a serious look at how I was prioritizing everything in my life. I categorized my activities by visualizing what shoes I was wearing! I could only wear one pair of shoes at a time and I could only handle one major task at a time, so putting the two together seemed to keep me in balance.
The first week we talked about looking at our feet. If I started each day barefoot...meeting with God and asking for direction, my day had a sense of purpose. The second week I was ready to reach for a sock...to deal with all my issues as a woman and get that in order before I reached out to help others all day long.
So this week...I recall looking into my closet as a young wife trying to decide what shoe would represent my role as a wife. This was a priority I wanted to take on, it was a role I wanted to fulfill with enthusiasm, but somehow with 3 kids, it was not one I put out in front very often. As I envisioned myself putting on shoes, I knew a shoe was not the appropriate covering for my foot just yet. Instead, I chose slippers to represent my role as a wife. My slipper would slow me down before rushing out into the world to conquer all my tasks. My slipper would make me mindful of the soft touch I could bring into my husband's world and it was the slipper that would remind me that I was the only one who had the privilege to wear slippers as I interacted with my husband. This exercise wasn't to be cute or creative, it was to help me pay attention to what I was doing at every minute of the day. If I had on my slippers (or at least imagined I was wearing slippers) as I talked with my husband, I would hopefully talk in a way that was respectful to my husband. I would talk in a tone of voice that would appeal to my husband rather than let anything fly out of my mouth. A slipper put the sacredness back in my relationship and would cause me to talk kinder, touch more often, smile with appreciation and listen with care. Wearing my slippers daily didn't mean I was sexual all the time, it meant that I was giving my husband attention in all areas in a respectful, purposeful way. I was being the kind of wife I wanted to be. The good news? I found when I became very intentional about being a wife who paid attention, showed respect, listened and enjoyed my husband, my husband began acting more like the husband I wanted him to be!
Don't own a pair of slippers? Better stop by Target and pick up a pair as we talk further this week about being a wife amidst all our other obligations. Hopefully, it will slow you down to think about being the wife you always wanted to be.

Dare to Dream

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to daydream? Was it when you were painting your fingernails, sitting in the bathtub, organizing your closet, or wandering through a bookstore looking for a book on travel? I have found it difficult to daydream when I am so pre-occupied with others in my life. I get into a mode of 'doing' rather than 'dreaming' and that is healthy for most of my day, but I have had to make myself return to moments of dreaming to monitor how I am taking care of myself. I can't continue to pour myself into the lives of others without filling myself up first. If I can't bring a dream into my mind's eye or calm myself down enough to conjour up a peaceful idea, I am probably operating on nervous energy and obligation rather than God's leading and love for others. Putting on my socks in the morning is a visual for me to acknowledge my need for 'margin' in my life. Right after meeting with God is a good time for me to sit for a moment and choose one 'dream' that I will allow myself for that day...or at least fit in during the week sometime. I acknowledge it as a priority and then I work to have that daydream come true. I paint my nails or take a bath. I exercise or I make a doctor's appointment for myself! Some 'socks' I reach for are the heavy-duty ones and others are the colorful, feminine style. Taking care of myself happens in alot of ways, it is the wise woman who sees this and is able to fit in a dream or two for herself. See if monitoring your daydreams doesn't help in balancing your priorities and busy calendars while giving you more energy and enthusiasm for everything else you have to do. Day-dreaming too much? Well, just wait until we reach for those shoes next week. That will re-focus you on reality:)

What's That Smell?

One of the biggest challenges I had as a second grade teacher came my first year when a little girl was assigned to my classroom...and nobody liked her. From the first day of school, they made fun of her and everyone tried to avoid sitting by her and no one made any attempt to be her friend. It didn't take me long to figure out why...she had terrible body odor. She was only 7 years old, but it soon became apparent that she didn't change her underwear often enough...if at all! She really smelled and her feet were the most obvious. Her socks were dirty, worn out and stuck to her feet as if they were her shoes! I knew I had to confront her parents with this dilemma at conference time. The problem was finally resolved but not without me wondering how her parents did not pick up on their daughter's neglectful habits.
Well, we are talking about socks this week, so you know where I am going with this! I have had to be very mindful over the years of my smelly feet. Have I worn my socks too long because I am taking care of everyone but myself? Many times even my family fails to tell me that my attitude stinks or my energy needs improvement because I become defensive. "I have too much to do!" I am busy helping everyone else, but I am not paying attention to my needs and I begin to smell in many different ways if I am not caring for myself. I eat poorly, I don't rest enough, I over-commit, I skip doctor appointments, I fail to exercise, I don't pay attention to how I dress, I forget to take time to read, enjoy my hobbies or go to my favorite places. I only have one life, I need to find time for myself along the way and pass on a fragrance rather than foot odor!

Choose socks today

"To avoid burnout, treat yourself well. You are not only the anchor of your family; you are an important person in your own right. You count, and your needs are important. When you feel irritable, anxious, or depressed, stop and ask yourself an important question: What do I need right now? When you identify the need, plan a way to meet it." - Debbie Barr, A Season at Home

I don't know about you, but I find it really hard to take care of myself as a woman. As Barb mentioned, we have a lot to take care of: our physical needs, emotional health, and personal care. Not to mention any combination of family needs, home needs, career needs, children needs, etc. Sometimes it is easier to not put on the sock and go straight for the shoe.

But eventually we will suffer -- and those we are striving to take care of will suffer -- if we don't first make the choice to take care of ourselves. If you are having a hard time doing this, ask the Lord for help! You don't need to do this alone.

Let's us know how we can pray for you!

Ready to Start Your Day?

When I was trying to sort out my priorities when I was a young wife and mom, I was always quick to get a jump on the day. I liked to make 'lists' and check off my 'to dos' and move onto the next task. It appeared to be a good system if I was evaluated on paying attention to the 'urgent', but I could easily leave the 'important' behind because I didn't know how to prioritize my life. Using the 'shoe' analogy helped me sort things out in a visual way.
My barefeet needed to be attended to first, we talked about that last week. As I reached for my first pair of shoes, I realized I was skipping over the 'important'...and that was a pair of socks. As Stacy mentioned yesterday, socks are necessary as a buffer between the shoe and my foot. It is important. I liken the sock to taking care of myself as a woman. Taking care of my physical needs, my emotional health, my personal care and grooming were all important if I was going to spend the rest of my day serving others. So for many years I have paid attention to taking care of myself FIRST. That was a real switch for me as I was so used to hopping out of bed to get my day started and meeting the needs of my family.
What are some of the things I have made a priority? Well, for starters, I have been pretty diligent in getting some sort of exercise daily...walking, biking, gardening, etc. Just to get my body moving and the blood to my brain. About 30 years ago, I was talking with a CEO of a company I was working with. To this day, I remember his comment. He told me that he got up early and ran every morning if for no other reason than if his day was a complete mess, at least he got in a good run and was taking care of himself. I have thought of that statement alot since then because I have found that to be true. If my day gets no further than meeting with God (barefoot) and getting some exercise (wearing my socks)I feel fortified to get through the rest of my day. Ready to start your day? Remember the important stuff...put on your socks first!

A buffer

Last week we talked about our role as a child of God. We need to go barefoot before God daily.

This week we will touch on another role - our role as women. Barb chose socks as the appropriate covering for our feet to remind us to take care of ourselves as women.

The sock is our buffer from the world. Visualize yourself slipping on a comfy pair of socks. They are your daily protection....how? Because when you slide on a silky pair of stockings or a cozy pair of socks, you are taking care of your feet. And we need to take care of ourselves every day for the purpose of taking care of others...in order to serve others.

Daily life gives us blisters, callouses, and tired, weary feet. We go before God to get them clean. To be refreshed. To be authentic.

And then we can grab our favorite socks and be ready to face the day as women in whatever role he has us in. So go find a fun pair of socks and slip them on!

Oh, My Aching Feet!

I just took off some new boots I bought for this fall season of fashion! They look great, but boy do I need to break them in! I was reminded of a doctor's appointment I went to years ago. He was a podiatrist, a foot doctor. My feet had been really hurting and I couldn't really tell where the pain was coming from. It didn't take long for the doctor to see I had 'bunions' and they were the cause of my discomfort. He went on to tell me I was wearing shoes that were too small and to be mindful that as I aged, my feet would grow and I would need to increase the size of my shoes over the years.

Well, as I talk about barefeet as an analogy with starting the day with God, I could use many 'cute' comparisons, but I just want to end the week with this last one.

I can impress alot of people I meet on a daily basis with what I wear, how I act or by what I say. I can keep up an image on the outside, but if it doesn't match up with who I really am on the inside, my 'life bunions' will cry out. Life will become too painful. I need to acknowledge that just as my feet continue to grow, so do all the circumstances in my life and I need to adjust accordingly. Meeting with my Creator at the start of each new day will keep me mindful of all the changes in my life.

Stacy and I hope you will continue with us as we share our thoughts about 'priorities for women' in the weeks to come. Shoes will be our visual...but we can't talk about shoes without talking about the importance of taking care of our feet. Our first priority then, is our relationship with God...coming to Him daily in our barefeet, discovering who we really are and the plans that God has for us.

Sometimes it hurts to go barefoot

Getting barefoot before the Lord is painful at times....

In order to truly be barefoot as a child of God, I need to be honest with my Heavenly Father. Recently that has been difficult for me because I am in a place that I don't really understand right now.

Sometimes the LAST thing I feel like doing is meeting Jesus. I'm impatient. I'm frustrated. I'm confused.

But that's exactly why I need to strip down to my bare feet and be honest. God wants to hear about my pain, my sadness, my longing, my resentment, my anger, my bitterness (btw, I'm working on dealing with those last three not-so-great character qualities that I've discovered are taking up residence in my heart. If you've got any tips, please share them!).

I'm waiting for answered prayers. God's waiting for me to place my dirty, calloused, tired feet into his loving hands.

So I'm learning I don't meet with the Lord because I feel like it - because there are days when I definitely don't 'feel' like it. I meet with God because only He can understand the pain. Only he can soothe the hurt. Only he can offer the comfort. Only he can provide the peace that passes understanding.

Barefeet!

Remember as a kid the first time you walked abit too long with sand in your shoes? You were just too eager to do what you were doing to stop and clean out the sand or take the stone out of your shoe that was irritating you. When you finally couldn't stand the distraction, you took off your shoe only to find a small pebble causing the problem; or sand that just grated between your toes that looked so benign. Now that you are grown up, you feel the discomfort sooner and are quick to take off your shoes and clean off the debris because you know a blister can form pretty fast otherwise.
That analogy works so well as we see ourselves coming before the Lord in barefeet...no sign of sand, pebbles or stones. We come before the Lord with a clean heart because we know if we carry all the debris from the day before hidden, it will only cause a 'blister' in our relationship with the Lord that will chaff and hinder our prayers.
Many days I have been quick to put on a pair of shoes and head out to tackle my day, thinking I could pray my way through the pressure. I don't start my day in barefeet, meeting with the Lord. Those are the days that I usually have an issue with the Lord because I haven't come clean in examining my heart. Those are the days I don't take time to listen to His Word because I am too pre-occupied with my worries and feelings. I forgot to clean out my debris and irritations and I pay the price.
Just as my feet hurt when I disregard the minor chaffings, so my heart and relationships hurt when I ignore my sins. Big or small, sin is sin and needs to be cleared away before I start my day.
Barefeet doesn't leave alot to the imagination. Try meeting with God tomorrow morning in your barefeet...focus on your feet as you pray and imagine that your heart is free from debris, just as your clean unprotected feet are. You're not a kid anymore, you know that blisters can be avoided, and that it is as simple as a choice.

Solitude and silence

I heard a fantastic message this week that stopped me in my tracks (you can listen to it online by clicking on the word 'message'). Be warned: it just might change your life.

What got me so excited about this message is that it goes hand in hand with what Barb talked about yesterday! The message focuses on how difficult it is for us to quiet ourselves, drown out the noise in our life and listen to God.

The pastor drew this powerful conclusion: "Maybe there is a correlation between the noise [in our life] and our inability to hear and respond to God."

His suggestion is that we need to quiet our souls before the Lord. No music. No television. Nothing. Just quietness before God. He encouraged us to 'learn to love the silence.'

I believe that one way to quiet our souls is to get barefoot before the Lord each day. Now in saying that, I will tell you that I have not done that today. I chose sleeping in this morning over meeting God. I chose laundry over talking with my creator. I chose my to-do list over sitting in the presence of my Heavenly Father.

Why is it so difficult to be still? Why is it so hard to take the time to listen to God? I can pray all day long...asking God to answer my prayers, lifting up others needs...but am I hearing FROM God or just talking TO God?

I was challenged by these words: "Does your life and schedule reflect a person who wants to hear from God? In order to follow Jesus you have to hear him. In order to hear him you have to slow down."

Thankfully tomorrow is a new day. I want to pour out my heart to God and I want to hear what He has to say to me as well. I think I better set the alarm and schedule some 'barefoot' time with God.

I Don't Have the Time...But I Can't Say No"

We women have a tough time saying 'no', don't we? There is always one more thing to do or one more thing that we WANT to do. Can I share briefly in the coming days a 'visual' that has helped me sort out my priorities? I think every woman loves shoes...so that is the visual I will work with over the coming days. SHOES! We can only wear one pair of shoes at a time so let's take a look at what we can learn as a woman from wearing shoes.

Before a woman can select the shoe she needs to put on, she needs to realize what it is that she will be doing. That is really what we are talking about--priorities. When I first get out of bed in the morning, I am barefoot and that is where my day begins. I visualize myself coming before the Lord, barefoot, ready to meet with Him about my day. If I start each day asking God for direction, protection, forgiveness and peace of mind, I can be assured that He will direct my steps and my choices as I talk with Him through out the day.

Barefoot, I am not trying to impress anyone, I am without pretense or protection. I am standing before my Lord, asking Him what I need to change within my heart before I head out for my day.

Before we get to putting on our shoes, we need to deal with our feet. Jesus washed the feet of His disciples. He came to earth to serve, not be be served and as a mom or as a wife we are constantly asked to serve. I have found when I visualize myself barefoot before the Lord in the morning, I am asking Him for strength and direction for my day of service.

Think about it...your barefeet, waiting to get your marching orders for the day, from the Lord. That should get you off on the right foot!

"Turn off the TV and go outside!"

That's what parents say to their kids but now parents are getting the backing of TV! I had to finish our week by blogging about this article because it is a wonderful move by Nickelodeon and we should let them know what a great move it is! As we have posted our thoughts about reading, Nickelodeon will add to our cause by being off the air for a short time next Wednesday!
"The turn-off is planned for Oct. 2 at noon ET, when Nickelodeon typically has about 1.5 million viewers ages 6 to 11. During those hours, Nick will show a graphic saying it’s time to go outside."
Isn't that fantastic! That is right up there with reading...going outside and playing! So grab a kid, a book and plan a picnic next week to support Nickelodeon's ban on TV! To read the full article, click on the link below.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5498440

"You Can't Be Influenced By That Which You Do Not Know"

...umm, is that a perfect endorsement for reading or not! You can't be influence by what you don't know, so pick up a book and start learning!! Women today have such a wonderful opportunity to stretch themselves and grow but I think we take it for granted and fill our days with busyness and our evenings with TV. Cell phones, i-pods, laptops, and DVDs have distracted us from pulling away and spending time to think. My challenge to you is to take hold of the great privilege and the freedom we have to read what we want to read, when we want to. We are great influencers as well. We influence our husbands and kids...do we have something worthy to influence them with? Reading will give you something to talk about, something new to try or something to incorporate into your own life. I know we are all busy with kids, extended family, work, friends, church and daily maintenance of everything...but life won't get any less busy as you get older. Now is the time to make reading and learning a priority.

So is that a good enough pep talk? Here are some titles to check out the next time you visit your library or bookstore:

For Women:
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore

For Wives:
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

For Moms:
A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming
The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki, MD
The Hurried Child by David Elkind

For your Husbands:
Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy

I hope you were 'influenced' by what you just read...now go look for something that is worthwhile spending your time on. Enjoy!

Divine

Another book I read this year that I highly recommend is "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury.

It's a modern day parable of Mary Magdalene from the Bible. Parts are really difficult to read--her story is filled with abuse, addiction and much suffering throughout her life.

But it is one of the most touching fictional stories I have ever read.

Although Mary is a victim of abuse and suffers at the hands of others, her story is not one of emptiness and sorrow.

Her story is touching and a powerful reminder that God is bigger than all our stories. Her story is about a God who redeems. A God who forgives. A God whose grace is sufficient. A God who rescues. A God who offers sweet sweet freedom from the hurts and pains of this world.

So check it out from the library or order it online. I'd love to hear what you think!

Fabulous Fiction!

I usually don't reach for a fiction book when I get the chance to read. There are so many good books to learn from and to widen my horizons, I am attracted to the non-fiction section of the library or bookstore. This summer I read two fiction books I really enjoyed and if you are a big fiction reader, I would recommend that you check them out!
The first one is well written about 2 different marriages. The author uses a neat technique to write about 2 generations and she does a good job with it. Recipes for a Perfect Marriage by Morag Prunty is a sweet novel that played on all my emotions. A young bride learns unexpected lessons from her grandmother's journals and I found myself drawn into both lives. It kept my interest and taught me along the way. It is not a Christian novel, so don't choose this book if you are wanting that perpective.
The other book I just finished this weekend. It is A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. I had read his first novel, The Kite Runner and was pulled into the action of that book so quickly I wanted to see if this book would be as rivoting. While I liked The Kite Runner abit more, this novel really opened my eyes to 30 years of Afghan history from a woman's viewpoint. It dealt with family, friendship, faith and love. If you are a young mom, some parts will be hard for you to read but it will also give you such appreciation for our freedom here in America. A definite good read for women when we want to complain with the daily load we bear. You will never complain again!

Holy....or happy?

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is a revolutionary book. The premise of the book is: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

Almost every talk show, commercial and television sitcom seems to center around making ourselves happy and meeting our own needs.

This book does just the opposite. It is counter-cultural. It reminds me that marriage is not about me. It's not even about me and my spouse. It's about me and my relationship with God. Thomas points out that the celebration of marriage is meant to draw us closer to God and to grow in Christian character. Isn't that a beautiful picture of marriage?

He quotes Katherine Anne Porter on her view of marriage and commitment: "This is the reality of the human heart, the inevitably of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults, for the rest of their lives."

Marriage is two sinful people choosing to live life together - which brings many challenges and opportunities for growth. Sacred Marriage encourages its readers to see these opportunities as ways to learn more about God, grow in our understanding of him and learn to love him more.

One last thought from Sacred Marriage that challenged me: "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question--stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

Isn't that true? Six years into marriage and I know that my character is challenged daily in the ways I speak and respond to my husband. Just when I think I've figured it all out, life changes and my character is continually challenged.

Those are just a few nuggets of insight and wisdom from this book. If you read it, let me know what you think!

What's on your bookshelves that you are reading these days?

Self Management...

That's what we've been talking about this week. If you haven't felt the need to check out Flylady, it may be that you have this skill pretty much under control. 'Self' management is necessary before 'family' management can take place. Having a clever web site to go to to get inspired or master a new habit, is all part of being pro-active and intentionally improving yourself. Everyone is changing everyday...are you moving forward or slipping back? I know it took me years to really believe this and as long as I was comfortable, I was happy. The years have taught me to be aware of my daily progress, as small as the baby steps may be. Strung together, these baby steps take you into the future and you will eventually find yourself stronger, more organized, cleaner, healthier, friendlier, etc as your habits define you. I think if I shared this at the beginning of the week it wouldn't have made any sense. I hope after checking out Flylady this week, you will see that the 'self' in self-management means YOU. It is up to YOU to take care of yourself and develop habits that will make a difference in your life daily.

Another Flying lesson

The other day a friend mentioned to me that her goal every day was to be dressed and ready for the day by the time her daughter went to school each morning.

Nice goal, but why is that necessary?

Well when your daughter has a meltdown at the bus stop and you have to jump in the car and drive her to school with wet hair...you remember why it's a good goal to be ready for the day.

I work from home a few days each week and often times I wait to shower and dress until later in the day. But many times I am rushing around because I waited too long.

FlyLady is a big proponent of getting dressed and ready for the day even if you stay at home. Read about this here:Flying lessons.

Seems to me that FlyLady is a wise woman.

I hope you are learning from her this week!

"Do Something!"

I wish I had held that mantra when I was a young wife. I threw up my hands in frustration that I couldn't or didn't want to do it all...so I did nothing!

Probably the best advice to hang on to when visiting FlyLady is to consider her Baby Steps. Just move forward abit every day or every week and you will see HUGE progress when put in the context of a year. She has a section on 'habits'. Over the years, I have 'claimed' a new habit every year and made myself pay attention to that one habit until it became 'second nature' to me. I am so glad to see her pass that advice on and I encourage any reader to consider taking on a new habit TODAY! Flylady takes on a new habit monthly. I took on a new habit yearly. Like I said, it was all or nothing with me to begin with. If you can change a habit in a month, go for it. If it takes you a year, that's ok too. Thirty years from now you will have improved yourself by incorporating 30 new habits into your life. Not bad!

Ok, so don't just sit there reading Flylady..."Do something!"

http://www.flylady.net/pages/06_habits.asp

Swish and swipe?

Just yesterday I cleaned out my suitcase from a trip I took.

No big deal right?

Except that my trip was in July!

Keeping home is NOT one of my strong suits and that includes unpacking after trips :)

What I love so much about FlyLady is that she is exactly what people like me need. She is encouraging, positive and has great systems that others can implement. She isn't about perfection. She is about keeping things simple, getting things done and feeling good about yourself and your home.

For me it seems so overwhelming to keep up my home (I can't imagine what the future is going to be like!), but I am trying to improve one baby step at a time. I've decided I am going to try FlyLady's swish and swipe advice for awhile and see how that works.

I encourage YOU to choose one thing from her web site to work on this month. Share with us what you choose and we'll check back with you in a couple weeks!

"The harder we strive for perfection the farther we get from it"

That's a quote from Flylady...

September always inspires me to do abit of housecleaning. I don't tackle my house with a vengeance, but I do enjoy going through my drawers and filling up my 'Good Will' bags. There is something about the change of seasons that gets us all in the mood to clean, don't you agree?

So visit one of our friendly web sites, http://www.flylady.com/ for encouragement and tips. Flylady puts everything into perspective and doesn't 'guilt' me into 'doing it all'.

When you visit the web site you may be overwhelmed to begin with. Just spend 5 minutes scrolling the different areas and when you find a tip or recipe or task that you want to work on...take it from there. 'She' is here to inspire and keep your cleaning time to a minimum with the most results possible.
Visit the site once aweek, just for the next month and see if you don't see an improvement around your home.

Enjoy!



http://www.flylady.com/

In other words...

This week we've talked about commitments, decisions and choices. Here are a few other thoughts on this topic for you to think about over the weekend:

When one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made. ~Author Unknown

Indecision becomes decision with time. ~Author Unknown

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ~Roy Disney

"It's a Challenge"

That how decision-making was described to me in a seminar years ago. A family psychologist, Carol Travilla spoke at a woman's gathering and shared some good thoughts about the 'Challenge of Choices'.
She encouraged me to first determine:

What is my 'calling' for the season of life I am in?
What is most important to me right now?
How has God uniquely gifted me ?

Then she shared some great questions for me to ask myself:

Is the 'choice' in keeping with the season of my life that I am in?
Have I prayed about my choices?
Am I waiting patiently?
How does my choice affect others?
What really excites me to do this?
If I say 'yes' to this, what am I saying 'no' to?
Do I have the resources to pursue this choice? (money, energy, time?)
What am I afraid of?
Do I have all the information I need to make a good decision?
How do I trust the Lord for what I need in making this choice?

I have kept this list of questions for years and have referred to it often. I 'challenge' you to work thorough these questions the next time you are faced with choices. Decision making is an acquired skill, there is no better time to start acquiring this skill than now!

Too much temptations

There are many temptations that face us daily: spend too much money, watch too much tv, eat too much food, waste too much time. One of the "too much" temptations I struggle with is doing too much. Scheduling too many activities, saying yes to too many requests, planning too many things on my calendar.

I know this. My friends know this. And my husband certainly knows this. I keep our life very busy. When I go out of town for the weekend my husband sits home and does nothing - and he loves it!

My personality is one that does not sit still. I like to be busy, be involved, be a part of everything. I don't ever want to miss out and I certainly don't want to disappoint.

But I also know that all these good, fun activities or events or commitments can be tiring on my heart, my soul, my marriage and my relationships. Because I know this is an area of weakness for me I am striving to make wise decisions with what goes on my calendar. In order to do that, I need to pray for guidance....and then wait on the Lord for his peace and his timing.

That means not immediately saying 'yes' to requests for my help or 'yes' to invitations - whether that be coffee or a wedding. When I take the time to seek God about my decisions, or be sensitive to promptings from the Holy Spirit, my temptation to say 'yes' might be replaced with a 'no thanks', 'maybe' or 'another time'.

Some weeks I do better than others but these words from Ruth Bell Graham are a gentle reminder about the consequences of living a too much kind of life: "The definition of traveling light may vary from one individual to another. But most of us need to trim off some excess weight. We have too many social involvements, an overabundance of good but unnecessary meetings. We are on more boards than one person can adequately or usefully serve. Remember the caution: Beware of the barrenness of a busy life."

What are your too much temptations? Are you ready to make choices today to combat those temptations?

Decisions, Decisions!

My mother used to say 'regrets and indecision' were ghosts that haunted her. In my life, decision making has been a challenge for me but I do not want to have ghosts that 'haunt' me, so I have had to grow through my 'fear' of decision making and learn some techniques about making decisions.

I have learned that decision making is an acquired skill. It can be acquired at any age. Once I realized that I was entitled to think for myself and to act on my own ideas I could decide easier. The squeeze has come when I have had to accomodate my husband and family in my decision making process! 'Servanthood' often made me set my choices aside in the best interest of my family.

Decisions sometimes lead to mistakes, but if I saw the mistakes as a step in learning how to make BETTER decisions, the fear was lessened.

I have learned that when I make a decision, I am choosing against something else. I can't have it both ways. I have had to learn how to give up what I least minded sacrificing.

I am still learning not to 'second guess' myself. This is a big struggle for me. Second-guessing has always helped me see things from both sides and has been an asset as I have trained my kids and interacted with my husband, but at some point, I have had to say 'yes' to a decision and not look back. Taking time to process my decisions has helped me to not second guess myself once I decide to move forward with a decison.

Good decision making has allowed me to get on with life. Sitting on the fence has only left me on the fence and that was not the way I wanted to live my life. I have found I am comfortable to sit on the fence at times to process both sides, but once I made the decision, I would visualize myself climbing down off the fence and moving forward with my life. That was a success in itself.

I didn't value decision-making when I was younger. I would encourage any reader today to begin with small decisions and let your kids make decisions where the consequences aren't devastating.

These are just tips for basic decision-making hurdles, what about the really important life decisions...continue to check out our blog in the days to come :)

Good....or great?

For the past few weeks my husband Ryan and I have been making decisions.

Decisions about the fall. Decisions about the future. Decisions about our time. Decisions about our money.

We look at our calendar, we look at the myriad of opportunities before us and we discuss: What commitments will we make? Where should we volunteer? What small group will we participate in? What groups and organizations will we be a part of this year?

We want to make intentional choices and decisions. It is so easy to over-commit ourselves and later regret putting too many things on our plate. All the opportunities before us are good, but which ones are best for us in this season of our life?

It is also very easy to decide not to commit to anything, and therefore live a comfortable life that is focused on our own needs and desires. I recently read this quote: "The enemies to a great life are not tragedy, heartbreak and hard times. The enemy to having a great life is to simply lead a good life. A life where you seek comfort and ease above growth." - What Happens When Women Walk in Faith.

That quote has been weighing on my heart. It is SO easy to lead a good life. Comfort and ease are appealing and our culture supports that 100 percent.

But to live a great life I need to go beyond comfort and ease.

How do we live this out as we strive to be wise women and Homemakers with hope?

Just this morning I got an invitation on e-mail to visit a low-income apartment building where our church is going to be serving dinners this year. The invitation was to eat dinner there this Thursday to see what the experience will be like.

My first reaction: Ryan and I have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night open this week and I am so excited about spending time together, being at home and just hanging out. Maybe even work on some house projects!

My second reaction: I am going to be serving dinners all year, I really don't want to take up an extra night this week to 'experience' what it will be like.

My third reaction: The hard realization that I'd rather choose a life of comfort and ease than a life of growth and service.

This realization is another reminder that I need to look at every opportunity before me, every invitation, every activity, every commitment and determine: Am I choosing a life of comfort and ease? Am I being intentional with my time and energy? Am I striving for greatness?

The Tried and The True...

Boy, after so many years of parenting, I think I tried just about every idea I ever heard and thought was worthwhile...some worked for me and others just didn't fit. When it came to celebrating the new year of school for my kids, I went through many 'traditions'...often wearing myself out, trying to do the 'perfect' thing...and getting too overzealous. Keep that in mind when you are endlessly trying to 'remember the moment'.

THE TRIED...
making a special dinner on the first night of the first day of school. That went by the way-side as the years progressed because life got busy with other babies and other demands. I also tried to make fresh chocolate chip cookies that first day, but that didn't last

THE TRUE...
what I found was true was that something special needed to be done to commemorate that first week of a new year of school. I settled on rice krispie bars! I didn't win the mother of the year award, but I was there to hear about their first day and I had a treat for them. The 2 essentials!

THE TRIED...
I tried writing letters to each child. I LOVE the idea and know friends who did this with HUGE success. I never carried through with the plan

THE TRUE
what I did instead of ME writing a letter was to have each child write/print out their name, teacher, and grade for a small album I had for each child. That recorded their handwriting and maturity in what they wrote. At Christmas, they added highlights from the year so far (activities they were in, etc) and at the end of the year, they listed their friends, books they read, etc. It is nice to have that to look back on, but a letter from mom would have been priceless. Again, do something to mark the passing of time.

THE TRIED...
I tried to catch the kids each year going into their classrooms in a photo. As they age, they didn't appreciate me showing up everywhere with a camera.

THE TRUE
Instead of photographing their classrooms each year, I ended up taking pictures of each child in their bedrooms. It captured the color that they surrounded themselves in for that year, the posters, memorabilia and each child would stand wearing their back-to-school outfit showing what the style was like.
I took a picture of all 3 kids by a small pine tree as well. Same kids, same tree...different year. Boy, the tree grew tall, the kids grew tall and I remained behind the camera...growing older!

All this is to say, make this week special and lasting for your kids. If you can't keep on doing what you chose to do, change up and try another idea. You will land on something that will be special and will speak volumes in the years to come.

Looking back...looking ahead

I was reading one of my favorite 'homemaking' books this week and was touched by a yearly tradition the author participates in. Every year after her kids go back to school she writes them each a letter. She writes about her feelings as they head off into another year. She writes about her hopes and prayers for them as they go into another year and she tells them how proud she is to be their mom. She plans to give them the letters sometime in the future when they go to college or have their own school-aged child. It's also her way of helping to let go a little more each year.

She sums it up best here:
"Don't let the first day of school go by without somehow marking it in highlighter. Even if you're not the type to weep on the couch writing sappy letters, snap your child's picture as he leaves the house. Plan a special dinner or a favorite dessert. Serve sparkling juice in goblets.

Because your child is growing up, and before you know it, you'll have run out of first days to celebrate." - Lynn Bowen Walker, Queen of the Castle

I love this idea because it is about intentionally reflecting on the past and anticipating the future.

If you have pre-school aged children you can start this tradition now as fall arrives. Reflect on their growth and change this past year and what you are looking forward to sharing with them this coming year. Tell them why you love their current age and why you love being their mom.

If you are like me and are not yet a mom, I still think it would be valuable to write a letter. Write a letter to the Lord about whatever is on your heart. Pour out your hopes and dreams for the coming year. Reflect on the many things you have to be grateful for. These letters will be priceless in years to come.

As this first week in September comes to a close, start a new tradition that encourages reflecting on the past year and anticipating the coming year. You'll be so glad you did!

First Day of School...

Did you make it through the day, Mom? There is a tug on the old heart when you see your first child (or any of your children) march off to school, climb on the school bus or get out of the car without you. The first day of school always seemed like the start of the New Year for me, more than New Year's Eve ever did. All the preparation, planning, new clothes, new supplies and new schedules always gave me time to process that my were kids growing up.

Many of you only have small babies so it's not too late to remind you once again to take these pre-school years a day at a time. It may seem like the days are long, but the years will seem short when your child reaches school age and you look back. Take time today to enjoy, hug, play and laugh with your kids. You will only have them around for a short time and then they will be widening their world. Make it a point to live in such a way that when the first day of school comes around for your little ones, there will be no regrets. You will be sad, you will miss them, you will want to repeat some of the good 'ol days, but deep down you will know you gave of yourself to your little one and now it is time to loosen the apron strings abit and celebrate what a fine child you have raised (so far).

Family fun night

I have a friend who schedules weekly 'family fun' activities with her family. They might go out for dinner, ice cream, a walk, a visit to a zoo or any number of fun activities. As I think about her children I can only imagine the memories they will have from their family time together.

As kids go back to school this week in Minnesota, or to kindergarten for the first time, here are some creative ways to celebrate a monumental time in your family's life. Pick one idea and create it together as a family. Have fun, make memories, take pictures and enjoy the time you are spending together!

Pencil cake

School bus cake

Many different kinds of cakes

Happy Labor Day

A few wise words to consider this Labor Day:

Colossians 3:17 (Amplified Bible)

And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:23 (Amplified Bible)

Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men

Contemporary English Version:
Do your work willingly, as though you were serving the Lord himself, and not just your earthly master.

Enjoy the holiday!

'Labor' Today...Play Tomorrow

Here's a great recipe to free you up for 'Labor Day'. It is a crowd-size sandwich, so it is perfect if you find yourself entertaining. If it is just for your family, it is easy to cut the recipe in half.

Sandwich For a Crowd

2 unsliced loaves (1 lb. each) Italian bread
1 pkg. (8 0zs.) cream cheese
1 cup (4 ozs.) shredded cheddar cheese
3/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup mayonaise
1 T. Worcestershire sauce
1 lb. thinly sliced fully cooked ham
1 lb. thinly sliced roast beef
12-14 thin slices dill pickle

Cut the bread in half lengthwise. Hollow out top and bottom of loaves, leaving a 1/2 inch shell. Combine: cheese, onions, mayo and Worcestershire. Spread over cut sides of bread. Layer ham and roast beef on bottom and top halves. Place pickles on bottom half. Gently press halves together. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for a least 2 hours. Cut into 1 1/2 inch individual sandwiches. (12-14 servings)

Enjoy!!

Have great, labor-free Labor Day

The truth of marriage

Last week I was home alone while my husband was on a work trip so I decided to watch The Notebook and scrapbook. I have seen The Notebook a couple of times and I love the story. I think I love it because it's all about a story coming to life. A story of love, loss and hard choices.

My favorite quote is when Noah and Alli, the two main characters, are arguing about whether or not Alli is going to choose to stay with Noah or proceed to marry her fiancée (who is much wealthier and has her parent's approval). Noah is trying to convince her why she should choose him. His words are powerful: "It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard and we're going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you. Forever. You and me every day."

It's not often that you hear in Hollywood the words 'It's not going to be easy and we're going to have to work at this every day.' But it is the truth of marriage.

By God's grace and our commitment, we CAN make this marriage thing work. But the reality is, it's not easy. And we're going to have to work at it.

Just like Alli, we all have a choice to make. Not only do we make an initial choice when we say "I do" to our spouse, but we have to choose every day to work at it.

Every single day.

What are you choosing today?

Labor-Free Labor Day!

Since I wrote about the value of work in my last blog...it seems only fitting that I tell you to throw your chores to the wind and enjoy the rest of the summer. While I really think kids (and adults) need to take on 'work' with a smile, I think it needs to be balanced with celebration. Labor Day means a celebration of our labor force...so take a break from your labor and celebrate!
We would eat outside, non-stop the weekend of Labor Day if at all possible when our family was little. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were around the picnic table. I wasn't a big camper, so this the was next best thing for our family. Take a look at what works for your family. REAL camping, sleeping outside in a tent, sleeping in a porch, eating outside, cooking outside, reading outside...do whatever you can..outside, just to celebrate the end of summer. Don't let the rain discourage you, that just adds to the memories.
So before you take on the mantra that 'work builds character', remember the other mantra that says, 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'.
Go play this Labor Day weekend.

To Live your Life Again

To continue on with Barb's topic from yesterday, I thought I would post this article:

To Live your Life Again

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." Psalm 39:4

In his book "Who Switched the Price Tags?" Tony Campolo tells about a survey in which people over age 95 were asked the question, "If you could live your life all over again, what would you do differently?"

Most of the responses fell into three categories. Most people wished they had risked more. For them life had been too safe, too calculated. They fell into a routine and were afraid to break out of it - same job, same neighborhood, same environment, day in and day out. They wonder what adventures they missed because they were fearful of leaving security.

Others wished they had concentrated more on what was really important. For them, life had been filled with details of the routine. The good had become the enemy of the best. As they grew older their schedule became more compressed, and they look back and say to themselves, "Is this all there is to life?"

The third category of people expressed the wish they had done something worthwhile which would have lived on long after they died.

Was this the wish of a certain English missionary? She had no family, and upon her death in a faraway country, natives sold everything she possessed. When sod grew over her grave, it was as if she had never existed. Well, not quite. You see, she had invested herself in the lives of the people she served. She taught them to read and write. She taught them the Word of God, and when Donald Cole arrived where she had lived, he found a solid legacy of faith in the lives of these people. She left behind a testimony to her life, a living legacy in flesh and blood.

"If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?"

I put this question to the late Oswald Sanders when he was 85 years old. The one-time attorney turned missionary statesman and Bible college president said he would not do anything differently. He had no regrets in having served the Lord. For him life had been an adventure and he had invested his life well for the cause of Jesus Christ.

How about you? If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently? In some cases, what's done is done. But in other cases, what you would do if you could do it over again can yet be done. What's to keep you from making an in-flight correction and beginning to move towards that goal? Instead of regretting what you haven't done or weren't
able to do, take positive steps to live your life all over again - starting now. It's possible, and until your frail body has been deprived of live and breath, it's never too late to begin anew.

365 Guidelines for Daily Living © 1997 by Dr. Harold J. Sala:

If I Had To Do It Over Again...

I thought that would get your attention. I always love to hear what women who are farther down the path of life would do differently about different situations.
I would put a different ‘spin’ on teaching my kids the value of work. All 3 of my grown kids have a great work ethic, for which I am thankful, but I don’t think I viewed work as a privilege when I was a young mom and therefore I’m not sure they thought I was real happy with ‘work’. It was always the ‘have to get it done’ mentality around our house and if I had to do it over again, I would start at a young age, yes, even when I had a babe in arms, to tell my little ones that “I want to get a ‘few things done’ right now and so I will play with you later.” I am blogging about this on the Eve of Labor Day because I think we have so much to be thankful for in America and the ability and freedom to work is one more thing to be grateful for. As a mom or wife, you can set the tone for ‘getting a job done well’, whether in your home or outside your home. Let the kids know from an early age that it is a privilege to be able to produce and work. Assign even the youngest member of your family a job to do to teach them the joy of working and celebrate with them when they complete the task. Simply picking up a few toys could be a toddler’s responsibility. Work is a major part of life so begin sharing with your kids your attitude about work…in a most positive way.

Friday night traditions

It's Friday. Some of you are breathing a sigh of relief. Some of you are excited for the weekend. Some of you are looking forward to assistance with the kiddos from your spouse. I bet some of you are anticipating the Friday night traditions your family has created.

A friend of mine grew up having tacos every Friday night with her family. Today she has three young boys and every Friday is taco night. She makes homemade tacos for her four 'boys'!

I remember Friday nights when I was a teenager. My family popped popcorn (not microwave!), and watched Dallas together. Looking back now that was such a goofy show, but we all loved watching it together. I remember the smell of the butter and the popcorn and curling up on the couch together as the opening tune from Dallas played on TV.

Do you have a Friday night at-home tradition? If not, consider creating one. What is a relaxing activity for you and your spouse, or you and the kids? If it is just you and your husband, start a tradition now...no need to wait for kids. If you have just a small baby, now is definitely a good time to start a Friday night at-home tradition.

Whatever your stage of life, it's never too late to start a family tradition! It doesn't mean it has to be done every Friday, but if it happens regularly it will become a family favorite.

I'd love to hear if you grew up with a Friday night family tradition or if you have one with your family today. Please leave us a comment...and happy Friday!

Give Them Roots and Wings...But Which Is Harder?

I just sent 'my baby' off again, for graduate study in NYC. He was home a year after college so I had gotten back into the old routine of being a 'mom' in little ways I hadn't even realized. Now his room is empty again and the 'piles' around the home have disappeared as he gathered his belongings to fit into suitcases which he carried out of the house. I sit and ponder the wonder of it all. I read Stacy's last posting and loved the quote about not being able to 'buy' the presence of someone willing to care deeply about the home and the people who come and go. That is a life-long habit that starts small when you are first married. You enter marriage with enthusiasm and determination to be the perfect wife and homemaker, only to find out your husband isn't the perfect husband or the perfect roommate! As the children come, they aren't perfect either and the daily tasks become mundane and often demeaning. It is easy for a wife and mom to look back and wonder what her life would be like if she had made different choices. I think there is a book out entitled, "The Windshield is Wide...the Rear View Mirror is Narrow". I haven't read more than a synopsis of it, but it's premise is that to make it on life's road with ease, you need to keep looking forward and see the big picture. You can't drive the car with any success if you aren't focusing on the road ahead.
Remember the saying that "parents must give their children two things: roots and wings. Give them roots to keep them grounded through tough times. Give them wings to soar above everything, explore new worlds and fly farther than we ever did."
You are giving your husband and your children roots when you let them know they belong and have a support system as they mature. You are also giving yourself roots so you can stand tall when the people you care about start to leave the home. You know what that feels like, the first time you leave your child in the nursery and he doesn't cry when you leave! The first day of pre-school that tugs at your heart but your little one runs into class with enthusiasm and forgets to say good-bye. The first day of kindergarten...the first day of ______. You fill in the blank. It is then you realize that the roots you nurtured are as much for you as they are for your loved ones.
The 'wings'? Well, they are for your little ones as they mature, but they are also for yourself to realize that through the windshield you can see new opportunities down the road. It takes longer to see the 'wings' take shape, but once they do, they are put to use immediately. So once again, as the 'older woman', I encourage you to pay attention to those deep roots you are tending...on both your children and yourself!

From one homemaker to another

"What's missing from so many affluent American households is the one thing you can't buy--the presence of someone who cares deeply and principally about that home and the people who live in it; who is willing to spend a significant portion of each day thinking about what those people are going to eat and what clothes they will need for which occasion; who knows when it's time to turn the mattresses and when the baby needs to be taken out for a bit of fresh air and sunshine." - Caitlin Flanagan

Some of you may work outside of the home, but I know that we all work inside the home and the work we perform in our homes is invaluable. I applaud you for the cooking, cleaning, caring, and loving that goes on in your home every single day.

No price tag can be placed on the work you do as a homemaker.

Here's to homemaking from the heart!

A Word of Encouragement...

This weekend I attended my husband's 40th class reunion! What a bunch of old people!!

I really enjoyed myself as I went from person to person, not having any obligation to know them or remember them as 'they used to be.' I could freely ask them questions and observe how they interacted with their old classmates. I was pleased by how many of them had been married over 30 years, so I began asking different people what they were most surprised at from this reunion. All of them said they couldn't believe it had been 40 years since they had seen one another and of course how fast life has gone by. In chatting with them, the word 'consistent' kept coming up. Well, actually some said "I've just spent the last 40 years doing the same thing." Some said it out of frustration but most said it with a note of achievement. Like they just kept putting one foot in front of the other and here they were, 40 years later with 4, 5 or 6 kids...many were teachers, an actor, architect, doctors and many entrepreneurs. I had no expectation from any of these people, because I didn't know any of them, but I felt like by the end of the day, I would say that many of them had achieved a level of satisfaction and success because they had been consistent.
It may not be the word you were expecting me to encourage you with today, but it is a word of great impact. If you applied it to your life right now, it should give you more of a purpose. All the tasks you are doing over and over again for your little toddlers are not in vain. You are teaching and modeling for them. Be consistent in your kind words, your soft voice, your constant smile and your enthusiasm for life. Be consistent in your personal habits. Be consistent in your desire to build a strong marriage. Be consistent in knowing God. Be consistent even when it gets tough. Your next reunion is going to come around soon enough. Be consistent in your living and you will find yourself telling your classmates "I've spent the last few years doing the same thing...and I can't believe how far I've come."

Blessed to be a blessing

Today was a dreary day in Minnesota. It was cold and rainy and I just wanted to curl up on the couch with a book. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and consumed with work, my to-do list, and life's challenges.

Then across my e-mail came this beautiful quote:
"You are blessed to be a blessing...so pray generously, encourage extravagantly, and love unconditionally."

I want to be a woman who prays generously, encourages extravagantly, and loves unconditionally -- especially on the days when it's hardest to do just that. The difficult part is that it requires me to take my eyes off my circumstances and see those God has placed in my path.

As you look at the rest of your week, whether it's busy, stressful, or filled with unknowns, ask God to make you sensitive to your family, friends, coworkers and strangers. You never know when you'll have the opportunity to pray generously, encourage extravagantly, and love unconditionally!

May we all strive to be a blessing to others!

Just For Fun!

Make everyday and routine errands into times of fun for you and your kids!
Doesn’t everyone tell you that these are the “BEST” days and to enjoy them because your kids will grow so quickly? Make sure you enjoy these ‘best’ days!
One time when our 3 kids needed a haircut just before going back to school, I took them to the mall and signed them up at “Great Clips”. It was really crowded and we had to sit and wait for their names to be called. To add fun to the day, I told them to sign up under a bogus name and play along with that name as the hairstylist called it out. We entertained the whole salon that afternoon as 2 hairstylists called out “Bert” and “Ernie” one right after the other! Our Ryan and Danny got up and marched off for their cuts leaving me laughing hysterically in the corner. Do you think all those other customers thought I would really name my sons Bert and Ernie?!

Stop, drop and...pray?

We are half way through August. How are your 31 days of prayer? At the beginning of the month I challenged you all to pray for your husband from the Power of a Praying Wife book every day for 31 days.

It has been a challenge for me! I lay my book on my pillow so I see it every night before going to bed. It takes discipline to stop and pray.

While I often pray throughout my day for Ryan's work, energy, strength and perseverance, I don't often pray that God would "enable Ryan to walk worthy of his calling and become the man of God that You made him to be."

I don't think to pray: "That Your Word would penetrate every fiber of his being, convincing him that Your love for him is far greater than anything he faces and nothing can separate him from it."

It's a good reminder for me to pray: "That he will not be anxious about finances, but will seek Your kingdom first, knowing that as he does, we will have all we need."

Join in today if you haven't started already. There is POWER in prayer. May you discover just how blessed your man will be because of the time you take to pray.

I leave you with a few words from Day 16: "Lead him, guide him and be his mighty fortress and hiding place. May his light so shine before men that they see his good works and glorify you, Lord."

The Garden and Kids!

Have you ever seen a youngster who didn't smile, touch or say 'pretty' when a flower is held up to the him/her? Instinctively, a child loves nature and a mom has a great opportunity to cultivate that love in her children at an early age.
August is a great month to let your child explore your gardens. By now, many plants can use a good pruning so let your 4-5 year old cut you a bouquet of flowers from your garden (with a blunt school-type sissors). Show them how to cut a stem long enough and have a small vase of water for them to collect a nice selection.
Your 3 year old can work along side you as you pull the carrots and she can can have a big pail of water to wash off the carrots as they are pulled from the dirt.
A 2-3 year old loves to use a 'trowel' and cultivate the dirt. In August, there is no threat of digging up seeds or new plants, so simply show him a wide area of dirt and have him 'comb' the area smooth.
Harvest is a perfect time to get your children into gardening. The plants are more defined and the fruit is ready to be picked.
Who knows, you may have a Johnny Appleseed living at your home. Encourage him/her on!!

It's Monday night....

The shelves on my wall are rattling and have been for the past 15 minutes. Thunder and lightening are creating quite a show in my neighborhood. There are severe thunderstorm warnings, flash flood warnings and high winds. My cat is freaking out :)

The weathermen are on live at 11 p.m. so I know it's a strong storm. 31,000 people are without power.

I decide since I am home alone (my husband is traveling tonight) that I better find a flashlight in case the power goes out. I found a small one in the junk drawer...it didn't work. I found a second one in the hall closet...and it doesn't work either. I found a third flashlight that released a very faint beam.

Obviously the May household is not prepared for a storm. I grabbed a candle and my cell phone while I changed the flashlight batteries. Now I'm waiting for it to pass.

Are you ready for a storm? Do you have flashlights located in multiple locations on multiple levels? Do they have fresh batteries? Do you have other emergency items you might need in case the power goes out in your home?

It took the lights flickering for me to get prepared. Don't wait...make that Target list if you need emergency items, locate your flashlights and talk with your spouse so you both are prepared when thunder and lightening make an appearance in your neighborhood.

What Have You Read?

I seem to measure my summers by the number of books I manage to read! Starting in June, I begin to pile up recommended books and begin reserving others from the library. Some are the 'beach books', fun fiction that are easy to pick up and read. They color my vacation days and give me a brief break from reality.
Others are the 'how can I do this better' type book that helps me evaluate areas that I need to improve on.
Then there are the books that I read that really stretch my thinking. They include titles and subjects that I normally wouldn't be drawn to, but are recommended to me by friends.

This summer has been good. I have read a good amount and have found some favorites along the way. You still have some good weeks to read so here are my 'picks' from the ones I read the past months:

Fiction: My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picouldt (Stacy recommended this to me. It's great!)

'How can I do this better book': Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald

'A stretcher book': The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat (yep, you read that right...let me know if you are going to read it...I will give you a synopsis!)

What's in your pile of books this summer? I still have time to read more, so please share!

Cherry Chicken Pasta Salad

Today seems like a good day for a recipe. I've been making this pasta salad like crazy all summer. It is so tasty! Ryan is getting sick of it but I keep craving it. Cut it in half unless you are making it for a scrapbooking crowd like me! And for those of you who don't care for mayo...neither do I but the poppyseed dressing covers up the mayo. Make this salad, grab a glass of lemonade and eat it on the patio with your family this weekend...you'll be so glad you did!

Cherry Chicken Pasta Salad

Serves 16

2 ¼ pound uncooked boneless, Skinless chicken breasts (1 ¾ cooked)
1 pound uncooked pasta (gemelli or rotini)
5 ounces of dried cherries (found in fruit dept at grocery store - or Craisins are easiest!)
¾ cup celery
¾ cup red onions
1 cup chopped walnuts (I use slivered almonds)
12 oz naturally fresh poppyseed salad dressing
1 tsp table salt
¼ tsp black pepper
1 ¼ cup reduced calorie mayo

Directions-
Cut cooked chicken into cubes
Cook pasta according to instructions, rinse and drain well…do not overcook!
Mix dressing- Mayo, Poppyseed dressing, salt and pepper
In a large bowl- combine Chicken, pasta, dried cherries, celery, red onion
Set aside (3/4 cup of dressing)
Add remaining dressing to salad in large bowl
Refrigerate for several hours/ or overnight
Just before serving add toasted Walnuts (chop & cook with butter in frying pan), and extra dressing

Best Beaches! Best Ice Cream! What More Do You Want?!

Hey, is it hot enough for you? Even those of you who don't go to the lake regularly might be looking for a place to cool off in these long, hot days of summer. Here's a posting on Teri Gruca's blog from WCCO with the "list of beaches that seven county Parks and Recreation Departments recommended families check out this summer".

http://wcco.com/terriblog/local_blogentry_182175356.html

If that doesn't cool you down, check out this posting for a favorite ice cream place to visit!

http://wcco.com/terriblog/local_blogentry_205144740.html

Maybe I'll see you there!

Who Do You Look Up To?

On the heels of Stacy's posting on leaving a legacy, can I challenge you to look down the road 5-10 years and note the women around you that are at that age. Are those women where you want to be someday, have they achieved a sense of direction and confidence and if so, how have they gotten there? Then, go ahead and ask them! I will caution you not to keep your eyes on those women for what they have obtain materially in their life, but rather emotionally and spiritually. Unfortunately, you may be hard-pressed to find alot of women who have achieved alot in this way, and that is why it is important to be aware of what you value and how you hope to be different in 5-10 years yourself. This won't just happen, planning and advance decision-making need to be in place. Every 5 years, strive to find someone about 10 years older than you and ask her out for a cup of coffee and pick her brain. Having a role model will only help visualize what you are going after in your life and will help you get there sooner.
THEN...note the women who are 5-10 years younger than you. If they were to ask you out for coffee, what would you tell them? Would they even ask you out for coffee? Are you striving to become a wise woman, or a woman who drifts through her day without a sense of mission and purpose? Having a woman to inspire you and a younger woman who you inspire will help you 'stay the course' and stay focused on things that matter in the long run. Think about your legacy...and start by reaching short term goals.

Your legacy?

Today I attended a memorial service for a woman I never met. Katherine (Tat) is the 96-year-old mother of a dear friend of mine.

I often heard Mary talk about her mother, but I had never met her personally. After attending the service not only do I wish I had known Tat, I want to be LIKE Tat. These words describe her life: Tat's long life was defined by her warm and generous spirit which extended hospitality to all who knew her. She thanked God every day for her many blessings. Her deep faith was apparent in her love of family, friends, and all those whose lives crossed her path. She lived a life of grace and kindness to others.

Her children spoke about her. Her grandchildren spoke about her. They talked of her love of music, her love of humor, her love for her husband, her love for her children (eight of them!), her love for her Lord.

She left a legacy as a follower of Christ even though she didn't come to know the Lord until she was in her 60s. No one specifically said that she was a 'wise woman' but it was clear from the things shared about her life that she was a wise woman of the Lord.

I've been thinking a lot today about the legacy I will leave behind as a wife, friend, sister, follower of Christ. The choices and decisions I make today will determine my legacy. Do my actions say that I'm living a life of grace and kindness or that I have a warm and generous spirit?

So here's my question for you today: What is your legacy? What kind of legacy are your actions going to leave behind? May we all learn from this dear woman and be inspired by her legacy.

Life is Fragile...Handle with Prayer

I must comment on the collapse of the bridge on 35W over the Mississippi River. I listened to the news the first night of the tragedy, but I have been on the go and I haven't watched the news over the last 24 hours. I am reminded of it as I go about my work, however, as everyone is talking about it and mentioning what they did first when they learned of the disaster. I think everyone I have spoken with said they 'called everyone in their family and touched base with their friends.' I don't need to write about the impact that something like this makes on our lives. It reminds us to consider our LIFE and what a precious gift that is. Since we posted about prayer and friends this week, I would really like to encourage any and all of the readers of this blog to comment back a prayer request or just your name and Stacy and I will commit to pray for you. (Sign in as 'Anonymous-1, 2 or 3') if need be. Knowing someone is praying for you will remind you to pray for someone else! Are you too young to remember the plague that hung in many grandmother's kitchens? "Life is Fragile, Handle it with Prayer"...this week was a reminder of just how fragile life can be.
Now go and be thankful for another day.

Your Friends Could Be Making You Fat

A study of more than 12,000 people found that having an obese friend increases the risk of becoming obese by up to 57 per cent. (New England Journal of Medicine)

This study fascinated me when I heard it on Good Morning America because no one brought up the obvious conclusion that this study is probably is a good indicator that a friend's influence is mighty strong in all areas. Proverbs 13:20 says "The woman who walks with the wise grows wise."

Stacy's last posting was about her Power of Praying Wives group that encourages one another to pray for their husbands. I can't think of a better group to 'walk with'. Just think of what you will learn if you were to find a praying friend and hung out with her for the next 25 years. I bet there's a 57 percent chance that your prayer life will improve!!

31 days of prayer

Six years ago I joined a group of women who wanted to read and discuss the book "The Power of a Praying Wife." We named ourselves the PoPW gals.

We started with about a dozen women. Today we have six group members and these girls are among some of my most treasured friends.

Many of you might be in a book club, but ours is a little different. Each year we pick a new book (focused on marriage) to read and discuss together. What's different about this book club is that we only read ONE book each year. We read one chapter per meeting Sept-May. We read it, study it, underline things that challenge us, discuss how we were convicted or encouraged and at the end of our meeting we pray. We pray for ourselves, our husbands, our marriages.

Six years later, and six books later, we are still the PoPW gals. Regardless of the books we read, prayer is the foundation of our group.

At the beginning of August I want to offer up two challenges to you:
1 - Who are your PoPW gals? Do you have women that you can pray with, talk with and discuss the joys and struggles of marriage? If not, consider starting a group focused on prayer. Cover it in prayer, then make some phone calls or send out some e-mails. I fully believe that God will bring the women. It's not a place to bash your husband, it's a time to bring each other's needs before the Lord and encourage one another in our marriage journey.

2 - Consider purchasing The Power of a Praying Wife book if you don't already own it. It is not a book on why you should pray for your husband - it is a book that contains 31 prayers for you to actually pray. The first two days are for the wife, the rest focused on the husband. Here is an excerpt from Day 1: "I lay all my expectations at Your cross. I release _______ from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only You Lord are perfect and I look to you to perfect us."

I've had this book for six years and I'm not sure I've ever made it through 31 days praying every prayer. I'm challenging myself and I hope you'll join me! I'd love to know if you are up to the 31 days of prayer challenge - just leave a comment that "you're in" and I'll be praying for YOU!