A bucket full of sadness

Some people hide their pain. When they've experienced a loss they shut down, hold the hurt inside and try to make it through the day believing in time it will hurt less.

Some people are very private and only share their pain with a select few people with whom they deeply trust.

I, on the other hand, am not necessarily a private person. And when I experience pain and heartache, I need to tell others. I need their prayers. I do not want to walk the road of loss alone.

Here is the quote I tried to reference Tuesday about tears. It explains what is on my heart about others grieving alongside us. This is the quote word-for-word from the author:

So many people are afraid to bring it up. They don’t want to upset me. But my tears are the only way I have to release the deep sorrow I feel. I tell people: “Don’t worry about crying in front of me or be afraid that you will make me cry! Your tears tell me you care, and my tears tell you what you’ve touched me in a place that is meaningful to me- and I will never forget your willingness to share my grief.”

In fact, it is those who shed their tears with me that show me we are not alone. It often feels like we are carrying this enormous load of sorrow, and when others shed their tears with me, it is like they are taking a bucket full of sadness and carrying it for me. It is, perhaps, the most meaningful thing anyone can do for me.

Loss is a part of life and as women we have no choice but to learn how to deal with it. If you feel awkward about another's loss, my advice is simple: get over it. It's not about you anyway.

Here's one last quote that's a gentle reminder about our role in times such as these: "It's not so much what you say to someone grieving, but who you are for that person in his or her crisis."

Do you know who you are when crisis hits? Don't wait another day to find out.

Tough Times Require Good Friends

When I had undiagnosed pneumonia and was sicker than a dog, my sister dropped off a fresh pot of turkey noodle soup for my family.

When my father was dying from cancer... his faithful friend, Don came every week just to sit by his bedside.

When I was taking care of my ailing mother month after month...a young mom and her 2 young daughters, seeing my exhaustion, surprised me by delivering a full meal to my family.

When I was frantic when my husband made a big career change...and a friend sent a note of encouragement.

Gerald Sittser makes a good point in his book, A Grace Disguised; "Loss is loss, whatever the circumstances. All losses are bad, only bad in different ways...what value is there to quantifying and comparing losses?"

Loss of health
Loss of mobility
Loss of job
Loss of loved ones
Loss of home

I used to think that there was a hierarchy in suffering and loss. Some situations required more consolation and other situations required less. A phone call was ok for one loss while a visit was mandatory for a loss that was greater. While there may be something to that, life has taught me that loss is loss and my friends have made a difference in my life at all different levels of loss.

Friends have taught me to:
1. Be myself...reach out to others in a way that fits me and my friend.
2. Do something...a call, a card, a hug, a visit. I have learned to acknowledge loss with my friends.
3. Be observant...know when to go home, when to help out with housework, when to send another note.
4. Pray...really pray, don't just say I am going to!

Life may be hard, but having good friends walk along side me has made the journey abit easier.

Rejoice with those who rejoice

Mourn with those who mourn....

I have always loved that verse and I strive to live it out. When we found out we were expecting in the middle of August, my husband said, "Now is the time to rejoice." Initially I was hesitant and cautious, fearing what could happen, but my husband was adamant we celebrate our miracle of life.

So we did. We went out to breakfast, out to dinner, planned, dreamed and shared our excitement. We got baby books and looked up things online about the size of our baby each week. We told our families and a few friends.

And last Thursday when we learned our baby had died, we have experienced the second half of that verse lived out for us. Family, friends and co-workers have mourned alongside us with prayers, calls, flowers, food, cards, and e-mails.

Often people say I don't know what to say...and that's ok because we don't know what to say either. It's ok to say you don't know what to say. It's not ok to say nothing at all.

An insightful comment by author Nancy Guthrie says that she learned through her grief not to be ashamed of tears. The tears of others made her realize her pain had touched them deeply. If something they said led her to tears that meant their words touched her deeply. Either way, tears show care and concern and genuine empathy.

I read an article by Jill Briscoe one time that talked about the ministry of presence. She said it is good to send gifts and Bibles and study materials to people living in other countries, but it is another thing to offer the ministry of presence.

I have appreciated the prayers of many and the practical gifts like food and unpacking and doing things around my home.

But it is the ministry of presence that touches me so dearly. I am so thankful for those who have offered the ministry of presence in my life during the last week.

When someone is grieving, the ministry of presence allows them to talk, process, ask the hard questions and sometimes to laugh. We still need laughter in the midst of our pain.

This ministry of presence is so powerful. And this week God has taught me through the hands and feet and presence of others.

"Blessed Are Those Who Mourn"

The alarm went off at 4:10AM this morning. My body jumped out of bed before my mind knew where I was going.

Then I remembered. It was Monday, the day Stacy was scheduled for surgery. It was still dark when I met them and we quietly and prayerfully drove to the hospital.

What do you say to someone in the midst of grief? How was I to handle my own grief and yet be strong for them? Experience with grief doesn't make it any easier. Everyone deals with loss and pain differently.

Over the weekend I re-read a favorite book, A Grace Disguised, by Gerald Sittser. What insight this author has as a result of a personal tragedy:

"Depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul...It is not something to escape but something to embrace. Jesus said, 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.' Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss are living authentically in a world of misery, and it espresses the emotional anguish of people who feel pain for themselves and others. Sorrow is noble and gracious. It enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, of feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time. However painful, sorrow is good for the soul."

I held on to that thought all day today. I wasn't quick to turn from the sorrow our family felt.

My prayer is that as my soul enlarges as I embrace the sorrow, I will be better able to comfort others who mourn.

Home Improvement...Do a Hard Thing

Wow, when we started this week, we were focusing on CHOOSING to do a hard thing, not having it forced on us. There is a difference.

Yesterday was indeed a reminder of all the hard things we all endure during our lifetime.

911 will forever be etched in everyone's minds.

9/11/08 will be etched in my family's mind as the day we found out that Stacy and Ryan's baby did not have a heartbeat; that the yolk-sac had collapsed; that they would miscarry and not carry their baby to full turn...after a long 2 year struggle to get pregnant.

A very hard thing.

I guess the best challenge for Home Improvement this weekend, whether it is to encourage myself or others to Do a Hard Thing...chosen or forced upon us, is to Do the Next Thing. That was the advice given to Elizabeth Elliot after her missionary husband had been murdered by the very people he was trying to help. She couldn't move past her grief. She couldn't focus or function...and a wise woman advised her to "to do the next thing". Upon hearing that advice, Elizabeth got up and changed her young daughter's diaper.

Nothing heroic, nothing profound, but it was putting one foot ahead of the other that got Elizabeth moving again.

If you have chosen to 'Do a Hard Thing' this week or have been Given a Hard Thing that seems too hard to take on, make this weekend a time to just do the NEXT thing.

I didn't know

When I started this week and wrote about choosing to do hard things in life, I didn’t know.

When I wrote about struggles and challenges and difficult things we face in life, and doing the hard thing in spite of them, I didn’t know.

When I quoted the Do Hard Things book that says doing hard things causes you to grow, I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that this week I would cry buckets of tears.

I didn’t know that this week I would be waking up and wanting to go back to bed because it felt like a nightmare come to life.

I didn’t know this week I would have to Do really Hard Things.

I didn’t know this week, for the second time in my three-year journey to motherhood, I would miscarry my baby.

I didn’t know this week my hard thing to do would be telling two sets of loving parents they lost a grandbaby – again.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be to love my husband when I just want to lash out in hurt, anger and frustration.

I didn’t know this week the hard thing to do would be trusting a God whose ways I cannot comprehend or understand.

I didn't know this week the hard thing to do would be making recovery plans for tomorrow and the next day and the next, instead of making celebration plans.

I didn’t know. But now I do. And I don’t want to do any of these hard things.

Do Hard Things

We've all done hard things in life. Is it the exception for you or the rule to do hard things?

It was a hard thing for me to re-evaluate a friendship I had and realize it wasn't a healthy relationship.

It was a hard thing for me to go back to school when the kids were young so I could work along side my husband.

It was a hard thing for me enter a 50 mile bike race when I turned 50!

It is a hard thing for me, as a Mentor Mom, to talk to a room of young moms.

But it would be a much harder thing if I had NOT chosen to do the hard thing. Each one of these hard things has taught me much.

Doing hard things means taking a risk. There is usually a big unknown associated with doing a hard thing and fear usually is its companion. Fear makes me want to find a reason not to do the hard thing if at all possible.

I have found that fear and faith are not necessarily antithetical.

I wonder if that is why when God speaks in the Bible, the words "Do not be afraid" or "Fear not" are His opening words? Doing a hard thing is a constant battle between faith and fear for me, but I have found that when I move forward on faith, I always am better because of it.

I like to imagine what Esther told herself as she entered the king's court. Her life was on the line when she approached him. It was a hard thing she had to do as a woman and as a representative of her people. Her faith had to remain strong as she fought off the fear.

Strong women do hard things. Wise women feel the fear, but choose to move ahead on faith.

Doing Hard Things

Barb and I recently came across a book titled: Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (two 19-year-old). They challenge teenagers to rebel against low expectations. You can check out their web site here: http://www.therebelution.com/dohardthings/

Here's an excerpt from their blog:

Our battle cry is just three words, but it's an explosive concept: Do Hard Things. That's it. And "do hard things" is a mentality. It's a mentality that flies right in the face of low expectations. The world says, "You're young, have fun!" It tells us to "obey your thirst" and "just do it." Or it tells us, "You're great! You don't need to exert yourself." But those kinds of mindsets sabotage character and competence.

Do Hard Things is just the opposite. It's how we build character and competence. It won't drop to meet the low expectations, it won't just do what comes easily, and it won't become complacent. It applies no matter who you are or what level you're on, because there's always something harder to do, something that will take you outside your comfort zone and cause you to grow.

As a Homemaker, and long past my teenage years, I'm challenged by the words Do Hard Things.

As marriages around me struggle, I'm challenged to do the hard thing: work through my marriage issues and conflicts because I'm committed to my spouse.

As people acquire mountains of debt and declare bankruptcy, I'm challenged to do the hard thing: be responsible, pay our bills, deal with the consequences of debt and live within our means.

As people walk out on relationships that are too tough to face, I'm challenged to communicate, forgive, ask questions, strive to understand, and love without measure.

As the media and the culture around us saturates our minds with instant gratification, I'm challenged to wait on God, pursue His best for my life, my family, my future.

I applaud Alex and Brett Harris for having the insight and maturity to encourage others to Do the Hard Things in life. As women striving to be wise, every day we are faced with opportunities to do things the easy way or the hard way.

As we explore this topic more in the coming days, I hope you'll share your thoughts and how you experience the joys and challenges of Doing Hard Things as a woman of God, Wife, Mother, Business woman or Homemaker.

Home Improvement...What's in a banana?

Have you ever second guessed what you were going to find when you peeled a banana? Ever feared you were going to find broccoli or cauliflower? Were you expecting strawberries when you peeled back that banana skin?

I think a banana is the best reminder for me when I think of integrity and living 'below the water line'...being a woman who is consistent to the core. We have talked this week about being strong women and living out our lives to match our beliefs and convictions. To be the same person inside as we project to others on the outside.

This takes alot of introspection and discipline so we can weed out what we may be thinking or doing in private so it matches what we want people to see through our actions.

Make this Home Improvement time, a time to peel back your actions and your image and see what you really find underneath:

Do you have a written purpose for your life?

Can you write out your priorities quickly...knowing what you need to focus on daily?

Could you share 3 major principles that guide your life...and are you living by those principles?

Grab a banana this weekend and as you relish the sweet fruit you find inside, consider what others would find within you when they get to know you. Do what it takes to make your inside as appealing and sweet as your image appears!

Walk the talk

If you've been watching the Republican National Convention, I'm sure you've seen and heard about the protests taking place daily. I have no problem with peaceful protests. It's our right given to us by the First Amendment to do so.

But I struggle with:

300 local arrests.

Conspiracy to riot.

Taunting, swearing and spitting.

Peaceful demonstrators get overlooked when those who have other purposes follow through on actions that are not in line with what they say they believe.

Barb has often talked in Homemakers about consistency. What we say our values are must be lived out "below the water line."

Every time I see a news report about the not-so-peaceful protesting, I struggle with actions that are clearly not representing beliefs.

The world is watching us ladies. We can say all we want about what we value, what our priorities are and what we believe.

But it's our actions that make the greatest impact. Be it the President, Vice President or the protesters, consistency is key.

Strong Women

We talk religion in this blog...we might as well add politics and get real dicey!

I know that I am called to love God and my neighbor. That means I have to pay close attention to the neighborhood in which I live. I need to pay attention to the world around me. If I do not understand my environment, I will have a difficult time ministering to it. Therefore, I need to be educated in all areas of life. I need to stretch myself to understand music, literature, government, economics, and social issues in addition to prayer, Bible study, and evangelism.

When I heard that Sarah Palin was on the ticket as the Vice President candidate, it did energize me to follow more closely. How will she be able to withstand the onslaught of media and be able to take in all the information needed to lead a country? She must be a woman who has positioned herself to make the most of her days. She must be a woman who knows her purpose and is very intentional in seeking out what that means to her on a daily basis.

I read an interesting article by Ms. Laura Ingraham, talk show host. In it she said “Sarah Palin isn’t someone who just talks about life and defending life, this is a woman who lives that belief and that principle. She has demonstrated her commitment to the most defenseless among us, both politically and personally. And there’s no bigger threat to this country than a woman who is strong and knows her convictions.” (bold text added by me)

America needs women who are strong and knows what they believe. I am going to be praying for our nation in the next few months. I am going to be praying that the women of this country live out our beliefs and principles. Join me.

It's our duties ladies

My husband is a political junkie. He LOVES politics and he is thoroughly enjoying the political conversation taking place these days.

And, to top it off, the Republican National Convention is taking place in Minneapolis this week, so he's definitely getting his fill.

I, on the other hand, have a difficult time watching, reading and listening to political commentary.

But with the recent announcement of Sarah Palin as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, I've become intrigued.

I've been listening to supporters and critics comment on Palin and I've been wondering....what would it be like to be the Vice President as a mother of 5? How does one even begin to balance roles like being a wife, mother and homemaker while supporting the President of the United States (if she were to win)?

What do I think of a woman with young children at home, running for such a highly-demanding and stressful position? Do I think it's awesome that a woman could potentially make history as the first female Vice President? Of course.

But what do I think of Palin's background? Does she have enough experience? Would she and McCain make a good team? Where does she stand on the issues that are important to me?

The only way to decide what I think is to educate myself.

Currently the single television in my household is broken (it suffered an untimely death when my husband was out of the country last week and days before the RNC began!).

So I am choosing to educate myself through the newspaper, online news sites, and the radio.

Politics are not my first choice of things to read or listen to. But as a wise woman I am held accountable for how I spend my time, my energy, my resources. And as a voting member of society it is my duty to become educated in the months ahead.

Happy Labor Day!

Did you know that we Americans put in more hours on the job each week than anyone?

Enjoy your day of fun!

Home Improvement...

Have a fun Labor Day Weekend! This is the weekend to celebrate our country's work-force...and women and moms certainly lead the way as workers.

So take time for yourself and celebrate all that you do for your family.

It is also a good time to explain to your kids that their job is to become all that they can become. Encourage them as they head off to school again that being a student is their job and they should work in such a way that they can be proud of their accomplishments.

Have a family chat about God giving us the privilege of working. He blessed us with the ability to work when He created man and woman to work in the Garden of Eden. Work is not something to be avoided or resented. As women of our households, we can set a great example of working with enthusiasm and pride.

So celebrate all that you do in and for your family this weekend. It's bound to improve your home!

Satisfying snacks....

As our families transition back to school, or prepare for fall activities and commitments, food comes to my mind. And with the end of summer around the corner, I'm beginning to get an itch for baking....and eating in general!

In just 1-2 weeks my kitchen will be finished and I can starting measuring and mixing to my heart's content. Until then, there are plenty of easy recipes that don't involve any mixing and measuring.

With cooler weather coming, it's beneficial to have some good snacks on hand to feed hungry mouths...whether that's kids, spouses or friends and family members!

Here are a few ideas:
Mix peanuts, almonds, raisins and m&ms for a quick and protein-filled snack.

Use up left over bananas and instead of making banana bread, mix up your favorite recipe and put it in muffin tins instead of a loaf pan. A quick muffin snack on the go.

Make up a few pieces of celery with peanut butter and raisins - kids love this and it is healthy!

Mix together pretzels, white Cheez-its, peanuts and m&ms. A tasty, salty treat for afternoon cravings.

Mix mini Oreos and mini Nutterbutters together for a chocolate peanut butter combination.

Do you have a favorite, easy snack for when you are on the go? Please share!

More End-of-Summer Fun...

I had a few simple 'traditions' that I started with my kids when they were young. I didn't realize they would become a yearly activity or that they would mean so much to me in the years to come.

I had the kids print their names in a scrapbook on the first day of a new school year. It is amazing and fun to see how every year their signature took on a whole new look. The early years they tried to get it 'just right'. As they got older, they wanted it to look 'real cool'. This simple 'tradition' is now a priceless treasure to me.

I also measured them each year at the start of a new school year. In each of their closets are precious memories notched on the wall. I dated each mark and we 'oohed' and 'aahed' as to how tall each child had grown that year.

The kids kept a one page list of what was important to them each year:
Friends' names
Favorite books they read
Favorite movie they saw
What sports they enjoyed

I had to help them during the younger years, but they came to realize it was a 'right of passage' to get into the next grade! They needed to record the essentials for mom's sake.

It took abit of effort, but doesn't everything that is worth something? Think of ways to capture the memories of your children now that summer is coming to a close. Keep it simple and enjoy it all!

September celebrations and planning

As you get back in the routine of fall, considering doing a little celebrating and planning to acknowledge this special time of year...

If you have kids (or a spouse in school!), plan a first-day-back-to-school dinner with your family or make a special dessert to celebrate the beginning of another year.

Talk to your spouse and/or kids about everyone's dreams and goals for the next 9-month school year season.

Write a letter to your spouse or your children as this new school year kicks off. Tell them what you most love and appreciate about them and why you are looking forward to this next year.

Take a family picture outside the front of your house. You'll see how your family grows and your home changes from year to year.

Look at your calendar and plan a date night once a week or twice a month for just you and your spouse. Take turns planning the date and don't let other activities replace this valuable time together!

If your kids are too young for school, consider wrapping up a new book or puzzle or game to enjoy together as a family. You can read or play together and make wonderful family memories.

You can start traditions such as these that will continue in your family for years to come. It's never too late to start a family tradition!

The Count Down Is On...

Most schools will be starting next week....are you ready? How did you do with your summer 'Fave Five' list? See our postings for the week of May 19th and see if you accomplished what you set out to do this summer.

One idea I proposed in the spring was to leave alot of 'empty spaces' on your summer calendar so you could fit the fun stuff in. I encouraged you to limit your childrens' activities so you could be intentional in their life and just have a relaxed, family summer. I hope you found that tip helpful.

Now school is around the corner. It was about this time of year, when my kids were young, that I began moving their bedtime up so they would be ready when the first day of school was upon us. Long summer nights were fun to enjoy since the kids could sleep in abit, but school days aren't so pleasant when my kids were sleep deprived! It didn't matter what their age was, I found if I set an earlier bed time before the first day of school, everyone benefited from it.

Also, the 'Back to School' sales are on. I always got the kids involved in selecting what they needed and made a big deal of the 'decisions' they were making. It was a good time to talk about value and cost and how to save money by using coupons or buying generic brands. Simple activities but good lessons to pass on to your children.

There are a ton of great ideas for winding down the summer...share your favorites with us!

Home Improvement...

Here is a no-brainer for this weekend:

...write a note to someone special in your life.

Or

...write that thank you note you have been putting off

Or

...work along side a child to help him/her discover the joy of sharing their words in a letter

Pass It On

If you are a letter writer, make sure you pass on your passion to your kids.

If you are not a letter writer, perhaps you should consider becoming one so you can pass this passion on to your kids!

The key to teaching kids to love to write a note is to start when they are young. As I wrote Grandma and Grandpa to thank them for the gifts they gave my kids, I made sure my kids were aware of my efforts. I had them pick the card and envelope. I encouraged them to decorate the back side of the envelope or draw a picture of the gift they were thankful for.

I let them lick and apply the stamps (now you can personalize the stamps if you are as organized as Martha Stewart...otherwise, just get a stamp on the envelope!). They could lick the return address label as well.

I always got excited to receive a letter. I pointed out the difference between the bills I received and the personal letters that came every so often! I tried to make a big deal out of receiving a note so my kids would realize what others might feel receiving something from them in the mail.

As my kids got older, I would have them tell me what they wanted to say to Grandma or Aunties or whoever we were thanking. I would write down exactly what they told me to and then have them sign the note however they could.

When they were old enough to write a line or two, I had to resist making any correction of grammer or spelling for fear that I would squelch their enthusiasm for getting their words on paper.

By the time my kids could write a thank you note on their own, I had to impose a rule that they could not use the gift given to them until a note was sent. They knew by then that meant they had to get a card, write it out, find a stamp and address label and then they would give it to me to put the name and address of the recipient on the front of the envelope.

Teaching kids the joy of sending and receiving real live mail is an on-going process, but well- worth the effort. Stick with it and perhaps you will be the recipient of notes you will treasure in years to come.

Healthy Habits

Everyday it seems I struggle with so much to do. I always have a to-do list a mile long. I think that's just my personality :) I have continually been challenged to come up with a 'system' for my to-dos.

I tend to write notes everywhere but I drive myself crazy. Last year I created an Excel document for my to-do list and I had column for everything I needed/wanted to do. The bar across the top of the page says: Tasks, Projects, Cards, E-mail, Call, Gifts, Errands.

While I am currently not using this system (I am using a to-do notebook right now), it does reflect my priorities.

I am a girl who has a constant list of projects to do, I communicate very well and often via e-mail, and I love giving gifts so I made a column for that.

Writing notes and cards is also a priority. But I often forget. Or the urgent crowds out the important. Or I am out of stamps. Or I think of it in the car and then I forget when I'm at home.

I've discovered if it is a priority in my life I need to create a system to make it work. I love getting handwritten notes and cards. And I love sending them.

I have a binder with all my addresses, stamps and a box with cards and envelopes. I still don't write as often as I should, but I'm better than I was.

It takes effort and energy to build habits. But isn't writing a note filled with words of gratitude, affirmation or encouragement a habit worth building?

Want to be Classy?

I was a young girl when Jacqueline Kennedy was the First Lady living in the White House. Much was made of her appearance and her fashion statements. She set the trend for women. As the years went by, her influence went deeper. She was applauded for her skill as a single mother, she went to work as an editor and she was given credit for her achievements as well as her beauty.

She had a passion for writing. Not only as an editor, but in her personal life as well. Her love of a hand-written note was her signature of sorts. People who were close to her said she left a box of stationery on her desk when she attended social affairs to remind herself to send a thank you note within 24 hours of the function.

She was a firm believer that a note needed to be hand-written to give the recipient the proper respect that was deserved after hosting a get-together. Her note would express appreciation for the invitation and the event, but she would also use the note as an opportunity to convey how she felt about that person.

Jackie said back then that proper etiquette was becoming less and less important and she felt a hand written letter was one way to insure that proper habits were in place.

If Jacqueline Kennedy, as First Lady, found time to write notes of appreciation and personal correspondence, I am encouraged to keep a box of stationery on my desk as well. I have heard it said that sending a thank you note is a touch of class. I would challenges all of us women to strive for proper etiquette by sending personal notes and thank you cards...not only because it is the classy thing to do, but because it is the right thing to do as well.

One of a kind

I love this quote from a small booked titled The Art of the Handwritten Note by Margaret Shepherd:

“If you receive a note, you can enjoy the ritual of opening it with the sure knowledge that although you cannot know exactly what it will say and how it will look, you can already guess at who wrote it and know that it is one of a kind, that it is meant only for you, and that you are worth the effort it took. Inside that envelope is evidence that someone wants to be in touch with you for some very good reason. And that’s one of the greatest human experiences; receiving the gift of another person’s attention.”

Isn't that a beautiful quote? We all desire the gift of another person's attention and what better way to tell someone you deeply care about them than to write a note, card or letter telling them so?

Of course, you can always send an e-mail. It's fast and easy. But there is something about taking the time to personally handwrite a card or note.

Do you have a one-of-a-kind person in your life? A sibling, a parent, a spouse, a friend, a mentor, or a colleague who deserves the time and attention of a handwritten note?

A few meaningful sentences about what the recipient means to you can encourage and bless. Let them know you are praying for them, or thinking of them or just that you cherish their friendship and are thankful for their presence in your life.

I believe you'll be blessed in the process as you ponder the one-of-a-kind relationships in your life....

Home Improvement...

The Olympics are the perfect inspiration we need to get us going to improve ourselves and our homes! Make this weekend a time to improve on your over all fitness. Check out yesterday's posting by Stacy on 7 fitness lessons you can work on to improve physically.


I experienced a great break-through in my personal disciplines when I read John Ortberg's book, The Life You've Always Wanted. He was talking about spiritual transformation, but I think it applies to every discipline. He says, "There is an immense difference between training to do something and trying to do something."


I don't think any of the atheletes we have been cheering on this week have tried to do their sport. They are the epitomy of training to become the best they can be. As I have intentionally trained to be spiritually, phyically, mentally, and emotionally fit, I have seen a difference in my life.

Go for the gold in your life, whatever that may look like...start your training today!

Olympic Lessons

As we have been talking about this week, there are so many lessons the Olympics can teach us. Young or old, fit or not, wealthy or poor, as we all watch athletes from around the world come together to compete after years of dedicated training....we can't help but cheer them on while being inspired ourselves!

I found a few articles online about lessons the Olympics can teach us. Rather than duplicating their efforts, I'll let you pick the one you want to read. As you turn on the tube to NBC, pay attention to the lessons you might be learning and discuss them with a friend or family member!

6 Lessons the Olympics Can Teach Baby Boomers

5 Life Lessons the Olympics Can Help Teach Kids

The Olympics: 7 Fitness Lessons We Can Learn

"Best Scenario"

I love watching these Olympics! I fall into bed too late after watching the final presentations and then I am up early, energized by what I saw the night before. So many lessons to take away from these 'games'. Can you believe these individuals work for years and years for just a few moments of victory or defeat? How can they justify so much time and energy into one activity that will soon fade into history?

It's the lessons that they learn along the way that will be engraved in their minds forever that will make it worth it.

I liked what one announcer said. He said something to the effect that the best scenario for the gymnastic team was for them to botch up a performance early on and then recover and 'set the train back on track'. He meant that if they experienced a flaw in their performance but were able to recover, they would move forward with even greater determination to win.

What a great life lesson that is. I don't receive gold medals for my efforts, but perhaps I should act as if I do. When I waver on my 'balance beam' or step out of bounds in my speech...I should quickly see that my 'best scenario' is to recover and put my 'train back on track'... to do better and be successful in what I ultimately want to achieve.

Yesterday I wavered in my attempt to make a tough decision for work. Today, I will put that 'train back on track' and follow through with a decision.

Yesterday I failed to make a phone call that would have brought encouragement into a friend's life who is recovering from surgery. Today, I will put that 'train back on track'.

Yesterday I didn't exercise...today I already have put that 'train back on track'.

Once again I realize I don't have to be an Olympian to practice some of their basic principles. When I fail to do my best, the best scenario is to recover and put my 'train back on track.'

Teamwork

Right now the US women's team is competing for the finals in gymnastics. There are four young ladies and they are judged in four areas: floor, vault, uneven bars and beam.

There have been some amazing moves. A few mistakes. What intrigues me the most is the way after each gal finishes her part, she hugs each team member. They truly are a team. If one messes up, the team suffers. If one scores extra high points, the team benefits.

From day one of our marriage, my husband has reminded me that we are a team! We make decisions together. We plan together. We work together. We balance out each other's strengths and weaknesses. If one of us makes a mistake with finances, we both deal with the consequences.

When we said our vows it was for good, bad and everything in-between. There is no 'this is mine' and 'that is yours.' I need to think like a team member. I can't choose what is best for me. I need to choose what is best for us.

Living as a team is a work in progress. And there is a lot of work involved. And as we've seen from the Olympics, it takes daily perseverance, commitment and practice.

Some days are golden. Other days are far from bronze. But what a privilege to be part of a team!

Inspired!

Have you watched any of the Olympics 2008 yet?! Wow, they are so inspiring! Last night the men's 400 relay in swimming upset the French team and the joy was palpable. Rarely do men show such excitment and unrestrained happiness.

Can you remember the last time you suceeded in a task and every fiber of your body trembled with enthusiasm?

I wish everyday activities would cause my adrenalin to flow and push me towards completion. Too often I have to talk myself into doing part of the task, hoping I will complete the rest by default.

I have been working on self-discipline again this summer (haven't I worked on that all my life?!) I guess it needs to be a way of life. Galations 6:9 says "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

I wonder if the swim team recited this verse as they practiced and trained during the past 4 years? I recite this verse often. I substitute the personal pronouns (me and I) so it makes it a verse just for me.

I know Delayed Gratification is a major player in self-discipline. I began intentionally putting that exercise into place along time ago. For example, today I need to make a few business calls I am not looking forward to. I also want to work in my garden tonight. If I delay doing the things I want to do (gardening) and complete the things I don't want to do (hard business interaction) first, I delay my gratification and get the things done that I don't want to do first because I can look forward to doing what I want to do later.

It's a far cry from winning an Olympic Gold medal, I know. But it works for me. Monday is a good day to repeat, "Let me not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time I will reap a harvest if I do not give up."

Do what you need to do today and then treat yourself tonight and watch the Olympics!

Home Improvement

Since we've been talking this week about how to spend the last month of the summer, lets each take some time to think through and be intentional about our plans.

Do you need to schedule some rest and relaxation? Then set aside some time to do so.

Do you need a date night or two with your spouse? Put it on the calendar (and call up a babysitter now if need be!).

Do you need to spend some time with family or a friend you haven't seen? Call or e-mail them today to schedule a coffee or dinner.

If you haven't taken any vacation, get a couple days on the calendar before summer is over! Before you know it the craziness of fall will be here and lazy summer days will be long gone.

Wise women need to plan so that the 'good and better' doesn't take over the 'best' and the urgent doesn't crowd out the important.

Guilty pleasures

Wow, that headline sounds like the name of a trashy romance novel.

Speaking of books.....I'm not sure I've shared with all of you that I like to read. I mean I REALLY like to read.

In fact, I would say that reading is among my top five favorite things to do. I am not sure what the other four are, but it's definitely on my list of favorites.

I started a new book this week by Jodi Picoult that I've been anxiously waiting to read. That was maybe not the wisest idea since I have plenty of house projects calling my name and I'm in the middle of wrapping up a large writing project.

But last night I threw caution to the wind after my husband quickly dozed off, and I read for 90 glorious minutes. I could have kept reading, but responsibility got the better of me.

Maybe you enjoy reading? Maybe not. Maybe there is another hobby or activity or past time that calls your name and draws you away from household responsibility.

Whatever that activity might be, may I suggest you allow yourself the sweet pleasure of enjoying it this month? Before you know it summer will be over, fall will be busy with commitments and you'll look back and wonder what you did all summer.

Make the decision this week to spend August intentionally. Rollerblade. Bike. Garden. Take walks. Focus on photography. Fish. Swim. Eat out on patios. Bird watch. Play mini golf or other games you enjoy. Paint. Watch sunsets.

Whatever floats your boat - do it! And don't feel guilty.

You scream, I scream, We all scream....

For ice cream!

Here in Minneapolis it will be in the mid-80s today and all week. It’s perfect weather for ice cream (as if one needs perfect weather to enjoy this creamy dessert!).

Some little known facts about ice cream….

• The United States consumes more ice cream than everyone else except New Zealand.
• More ice cream is sold on Sunday than any other day of the week.
• Ice cream consumption is highest during July and August. July is National Ice Cream Month. (How did I miss this fact??)
• Children ages two through 12, and adults age 45 plus, eat the most ice cream per person.
• The average number of licks to polish off a single scoop ice cream cone is approximately 50.
• 98 percent of all households purchase ice cream.

Now I am sure that many of you frequent DQs and Cold Stones in the summer….just as I do. But with the days of summer quickly slipping away, why not go on an ice cream date to explore a new ice cream store and a new flavor? Make it a date with girlfriends, a date with your hubby, a date with your kiddos or a double date with friends.

Whatever you decide, it’s worth it to set aside some time in the next few weeks. You’ll make some summer memories and your taste buds will thank you for it! Maybe you'll even find a new favorite place to frequent!

For you locals, here’s some unique places to consider…..

Edina Creamery 5055 France Ave. S., Minneapolis, and 13003 Ridgedale Dr., Ridge Square N., Minnetonka
Izzy's Ice Cream 2034 Marshall Ave. St. Paul
Pumphouse Creamery 4754 Chicago Ave S, Minneapolis
Sebastian Joe's 4321 Upton Ave S Minneapolis or 1007 Franklin Ave, Minneapolis
Grand Ole Creamery 750 Grand Ave, St Paul or 4737 South Cedar Avenue, Minneapolis

I will share with you all that I am beyond delighted to learn that there is a Grand Ole Creamery in Minneapolis. It serves delicious ice cream….well worth the drive to St. Paul and almost too tempting to be so close in Minneapolis!

Happy licking....

Dust off your Fave Five

Today is August 4th. That means there are just 27 days left of summer (or at least until Labor Day which signifies the end of summer for many). I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but this is reality.

Remember way back in May when we suggested you compile a Fave Five list for the summer? Dig up those lists and see where you're at.

Have you accomplished all, some or none of the items on the list?

#3 on my husband's list was to move. Well as you've seen from recent posts, we accomplished that!

#5 on his list is to take lots of walks. We've been walking nearly every evening throughout our new neighborhood and thoroughly enjoying ourselves!

#1 on his list is to go to Betty's Pies. That's a pie shop in northern Minnesota. We went on a weekend trip two years ago with my brother and sister-in-law and had a blast seeing the sights and eating super tasty pie.

I'm going to share a secret with you. You have to promise not to tell my husband....

I've been secretly planning with my brother and sister-in-law a surprise two-day trip to Two Harbors in northern Minnesota for Ryan. I've requested a Friday off with his boss and we're going to be driving three hours....to see the sights, make some memories and eat at Betty's Pies!

It seems a little crazy. And expensive since gas isn't cheap these days.

But I'm so excited. And he'll be so surprised. And I love making one of his Fave Five come true this summer.

You still have time to make a Fave Five list for yourself. Or to complete more of the faves on your list. Or to make the Fave Five of family members come true.

27 days...make every single one count!

Home Improvement

Here's a great dinner idea I've discovered since not having a kitchen:

Get in the car (preferably with husband and kids if you have them), drive to a favorite restaurant, choose a delicious dish to eat, share in laughter and good conversation. Bring the leftovers home and reheat for tomorrow's dinner.

You can do this any night, but try it this weekend and see if you don't think it is a wonderful dinner idea.

Enjoy the weekend and enjoy summertime ladies!

The heart of the home....

Here is my current kitchen (in the living room!)....













Because my soon-to-be kitchen needs some work!













It's strange not living with a kitchen. I'm quickly realizing how much I take it for granted and how much time I typically spend in the kitchen...planning, preparing, cooking, baking, and cleaning up!

How do you view your kitchen? Chores to be done? Work to be had? Cleaning dishes, cleaning floors, cleaning faces?

Whatever your view, you might want to check out this article: The kitchen, the heart of my home.

I appreciate the truth presented in this article. Our role in the kitchen is truly a blessing to our family and to others. Meals together and favorite dishes can all become beloved memories and traditions.

Be it a big, contemporary kitchen, or an older, well-used kitchen or a tiny remodeled kitchen (like mine!), what takes place in this area can truly fill our homes with heart!

A Wise Woman Builds...

Stacy isn't kidding when she says she is living in a construction zone. Their move is way beyond a 'normal' move.

As a Realtor, I see hundreds of homes all put together well and showing nicely. I am asked so often, "Don't you always want to move when you get to see so many homes that are available and so beautiful?'

My standard answer is, "No, I am not yearning to move, I just want to go home and clean my house." I have found that I can easily get discouraged or envious of the homemaker who has all her things in the appropriate place. The mother who has her children's rooms organized and color-coded. The woman who loves to garden and has a home with outstanding 'curb appeal'.

I usually see homes when they are 'staged' and ready to sell. I don't see the mess of moving but this weekend I was reminded of the reality of it.

Isn't that easy to do? Forgetting what life is really like, and thinking that everyone else's home is better, more organized, comfortable, prettier or more efficient? We don't get to see what really goes into building or sustaining a home too often. We are quick to hide our junk and just display our best to others and they do the same for us.

Moving brings the Homemaker to grips with the basics...with the best things packed away, we are left with only the mess and the 'stuff'. It is our attitudes that fill the home and begins to build memories into the spaces. I've learned over the years, that the best-dressed homes are homes where the people are sharing laugher, love and the lives of one another on a daily basis.

Sharing in Stacy's move this week on the blog is a great time to evaluate your home... is it 'staged' to impress others or is it busting forth with love, life and laughter?

Let's review...Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands, the foolish woman tears hers down."

What kind of home are you building?

A wise woman builds....

My husband and I had a busy weekend! Here are a few photos that represent the current state of our lives....
















































Saturday we moved from our temporary housing into the home we have been remodeling. Our house is in a bit of chaos....boxes, tools, and lots of projects.

The crazy part is that I am loving being here! Of course, it's only been 48 hours, but it feels SO good to be home!

Last April I left my previous home of five years and drove off into the sunset. I didn't know where we would be living or what our next home would be like. So even though my home is a construction zone (literally - I will post more pictures of that this week!) I feel so blessed to be here.

Tonight I washed dishes in the bathroom. It's really gross to wash dishes while looking at your toilet :)

But I realize that washing dishes in the bathroom while my kitchen is being remodeled is part of building my home. Next week I may be frustrated, feeling unsettled and ready to be done with construction. But today I'm thanking God for the blessing of building my home!

What about you? What tasks are required of you today to build your home? What attitude is necessary to do them so that you build and not tear down?

I'm hoping I can choose carefully in the days and weeks to come....I'm hoping wisdom wins out over foolishness!

Home Improvement...

We've been talking about marriage this week, so make this weekend a time to improve your relationship!

Have your husband write down 5 tasks he would love for YOU to do. It may be calling around for information, scrubbing the grill, cleaning out a space for him to store his tools, or buying some fertilizer. Have him write 5 things HE would like your help with.

You do the same. Write out 5 tasks you would love to see him accomplish. Trim some tree branches, hang up some hooks for the kids' coats, wash your car, give away old clothes he doesn't wear anymore, etc.

Write out each task on a separate small piece of paper. Put his tasks in a jar and put your tasks in another jar. Find a time during this weekend to 'draw' one task out of the jar for each of you to accomplish during the next week. You pull from the jar he put his slips in and he will choose a job from your jar. You will have all week to do it and then pull another piece of paper out of each other's jar and do another job the following week.

This Home Improvement will last you 5 weeks and hopefully it will bring you laughs and smiles as you see your home get a face lift as well as your relationship.

Expectations are so much a part of a relationship. Identify what it is that you expect your husband to do around the house and what he expects from you and then let each other know in a fun way. Put it in this format and I bet your expectations will be fulfilled. Enjoy!

5 Things Never to Say to Your Spouse

Wow. That's a pretty strong headline, huh? I thought so when I read it. I was curious as to what 5 statements could be so detrimental that one would never want to voice them to his/her spouse.

Then I read the article from Marriage Partnership, and I have to agree with all of them. You can check the article out here.

This article challenged and encouraged me. And it reminded me that I have a long way to go.

Even after years of marriage there are always things to learn about the marriage relationship and about my husband specifically. As soon as I learn about Ryan, he's changing!

One thing I am committed to is to be constantly learning and growing when it comes to my marriage...reading books, talking, sharing, observing, reading the Bible and what it has to say about marriage, asking questions, talking with those further along in marriage.

Although it's challenging to read articles like this from Marriage Partnership, I believe they encourage us and force us to grow.

If you have a book or article or passage or quote that has challenged or inspired you in your marriage, please share!

What Makes a Good Marriage?

Here's a riddle for you:

30% marry because of this...

50% say it's the second most important reason to wed...

Long married women call it the number one factor in making a marriage succeed...

What is it?


Well, I am a 'long-married' woman so I will give you the answer...FRIENDSHIP!

Did you peek, or did you know the answer after the first clue was given?

I met and married my husband really quickly 37 years ago. The odds that our marriage would last were very low in that our first 'date' was in February and we were married by July of that same year. Not a lot of time to establish a friendship. We spent many months after our wedding just getting to know each other. Thankfully, friendship has been a major part in the success of our marriage.

Dr Laura Schlessinger says the secret of a good marriage can be summed up in 4 words:

"Choose Wisely...Treat Kindly"

4 words that are key to a good marriage...and a good friendship.

The application of these four words and the building of a deep friendship takes a long time to establish.
That is why marriage needs to be forever!

Here's to 37 years of commitment

As Barb's daughter-in-law I am blessed to have in-laws who have persevered through 37 years of marriage. My in-laws are a beautiful example of two people committed to one another for life.

They work together, play together and laugh together. They pray together, trust God together and bless their family together.

They married young and have spent the last 37 years growing and learning and discovering the joys and challenges of marriage.

In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas comments on the fact that couples who break up after just 3 or 4 years of marriage never even had the chance to experience what marriage is really like. Experts say that it takes nearly a decade for marriage intimacy to truly be built.

The marriage journey takes time....years....decades. We can't rush the learning process. Only through time can we truly experience the marriage relationship as God designed for it to be enjoyed.

I am looking forward to what the next 30 years of marriage have in store for my husband and I. And I'm praising God today for my in-laws example of faithfulness, commitment and perseverance.

"Be A Good Mom...But Be A Great Wife!"

I've been a wife for almost 37 years! On Wednesday, my husband and I will celebrate our 37th anniversary! Have I been a great wife? Ummm, sometime 'yes' and sometimes 'no', but after that many years of marriage and 3 grown kids, I can say that there is alot of truth in that statement..."Be a good mom, but be a great wife".

Part of being a great wife means that I take responsibility. When I walk along side my husband, supporting him, encouraging him, helping him and sharing my views on a situation, I am moving forward in our marriage as a team player. A successful team, needs team players.

The times I feel like a great wife, are also the times I have felt I have had a great influence on my husband. That influence has been powerful in helping my husband become the man he was meant to be and has been reason enough to continue to want to be a great wife.

The times I thought I was a great wife, I almost always found myself pleased with my mothering as well. The opposite didn't always hold true!

Being a great wife means I have to intentionally move in that direction. It hasn't always been the easy choice, but it has always paid big dividends when I chose to be a great wife.

On July 23th, I will celebrate another year as my husband's wife, friend, confidant and mother of his children. After 37 years, I am still striving to be a great wife and a good mother.
I guess that makes the statement, 'a woman's work is never done', a true statement as well!

Home Improvement

Today I'll leave you with the questions that we started with this week. Please take the time to deliberately ask yourself these questions. When you do, think about your family (parents, in-laws, siblings, spouse, children), your friends, your co-workers, your social circle and relationships or friendships from your past.

"Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? Am I proud? Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?"

"Is there someone who, when I think of them, I feel hurt and wish revenge? Is there someone who, every time I see the person or think of the person, a sharp page of resentment flares up as I perceive how they have done me wrong?"

It takes courage to answer these questions honestly. It takes perseverance and strength to daily deal with the issues of the heart....be it envy, greed, impatience, anger, bitterness, self-righteousness, a critical spirit or pride.

Just last night I found myself in a situation that was painful for me - the situation was a result of life circumstances, nothing more. No one wronged me, but I still had to acknowledge the hurt, realize it was turning into anger and judgment, and confess it. Oh, it's so not easy, but neither is the alternative.

I realized this morning that the lessons I'm learning can be applied to so many areas of my life. This is not something I will learn and apply and leave behind. These heart issues will need to be addressed continually and I will have to make the choice daily how I deal with them.

May each of you find healing as you address the issues in your heart and may you find that walking in freedom is the best gift of all.

Thank you for letting me share my heart this week. Thank you for allowing me to be authentic and honest with my struggles. Thank you for listening to me and loving me in spite of myself.

Be blessed my friends!

To be...or not to be?

This week we’ve talked about recognizing a bitter root, finding freedom from living in bondage, confessing it, and choosing forgiveness. Much of what I’ve been writing about this week is based off Ephesians 4:31 which tells me to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

So in studying this passage, I asked myself, “If I am getting rid of those emotions, what am I replacing them with?”

Verse 32 says to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I decided to make a list of everything I could find in Ephesians that told me ‘how to be.’

This is the list I came up with:

Be…
an imitator of the Lord
filled with the Spirit
completely humble and gentle
patient
made new in the attitude of my mind
kind
compassionate
forgiving
careful how I live, not as unwise, but as wise
strong in the Lord and in His mighty power

As we work to rid ourselves of bitterness and resentment, we can replace those unhealthy emotions with things like compassion, humility, gentleness, and patience. We can choose to be an imitator of the Lord. We can pray to be filled with the Spirit. We can strive to live carefully and wisely.

It won’t happen overnight. But friends, if we persistently and faithfully seek the Lord, and desire to be all He is calling us to be, I strongly believe that we WILL be made new in the attitude of our mind.

Note: I covet your prayers as I continue to deal with the issues in my heart. I am so thankful we have a God of mercy and grace to meet us in our time of need. If you are struggling with a heart of resentment or bitterness, or God has revealed an area of unforgiveness in your life, please let me know. I would love to pray for you. I know God desires to bring healing to your heart.

Choose wisely

I heard this statistic recently: 70% of people are angry about something. As we’ve discussed this week….bitterness is the unharvested fruit of anger.

In Andy Stanley’s book "It Came From Within," Andy says that the antidote to anger is forgiveness. “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a decision. Forgiveness is a way of life for the man or woman committed to keeping their hearts free of anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is the means by which we are to do away with our bitterness, rage and anger.”

Forgiveness is a tough topic.

Forgiveness requires action on our part.

Forgiveness cannot take place unless we have a genuinely repentant heart.

I so desire to immediately be rid of bitterness, anger and resentment in my heart. I want to wipe my hands and be on my way. But in my desire to deal with these emotions, I need to reconsider my motives and determine if I truly have a heart of repentance.

Wikipedia says that resentment will often manifest itself through the lack of forgiving, the unwillingness to let go and forget.

I talked with a wise older friend today and she encouraged me to look beyond the symptoms that are appearing in my life and get to the root of my bitterness….there could be issues from my childhood or my past that are causing me to respond with an attitude of bitterness and resentment. What am I unwilling to let go of and forget from my past? What hurt and pain am I clinging to?

The more time I spend reading, writing and learning about bitterness, the more I want to run in the opposite direction.

But as a woman striving to live wisely, I have no choice. Tom Drout says, “We cannot live with bitterness because it will first manifest itself in our spirit, then in our emotions, and finally in our bodies.”

If I want to build my home, build my family, build my relationships, I must deal with the issues of the heart. I must ask God to show me where I have unforgiveness lurking in dark corners. If I do not choose to forgive, I will walk in bitterness and that bitterness will affect my spouse, my family members and my relationships with those I care about.

Lets determine to be among the 30% of people who have chosen to replace their anger with forgiveness. Lets walk in the peace and freedom that comes from choosing forgiveness. It’s not a feeling. It’s a choice.

Lets choose wisely today.

The bondage of bitterness

Yesterday I shared a little of my own journey in discovering and dealing with the bitterness that has taken residence in my heart.

How can you tell if you harbor bitterness? Here's a simple test you can take. Ask yourself these questions: "Is there someone who, when I think of them, I feel hurt and wish revenge? Is there someone who, every time I see the person or think of the person, a sharp page of resentment flares up as I perceive how they have done me wrong?"

Now don't just keep reading. Stop and really ponder this question. Ask yourself if there is anyone in your life (or past) who still brings hurt to your heart.

If you are like me, and you take some time to really dig deep, you just may find there is a bit of bitterness lodged in your heart with regard to that person(s). You may also discover that you've been pretty good at covering it up. I've learned that bitterness lies just beneath the surface....just like roots. You can't see them, but they are there. And man can they be powerful!

Ephesians 4 has been a guide for me during this process of discovering and dealing with bitterness. Verse 31 says to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander.

Do you see the command there? Get rid of.....

To get rid of we need to dig out the bitter root. We need to recognize if we have bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander. We need to confess it.

After weeks of reading about bitterness and resentment and praying about it and talking about it, I finally got down to the business of confessing it. There is freedom in saying out loud, "Lord, I confess I have bitterness toward _____ for _____."

I know that people live in bondage to a lot of things: alcoholism, drugs, pornography, greed, depression, anxiety and eating disorders. But it didn't dawn on me that I was living in bondage too.

Remember that bitterness toward another person affects you more than them. While you might view your anger as justified and your hurt and resentment as your way of hurting the one who hurt you, bitterness will ultimately harden your heart and affect your relationships.

When I read that I could be free of the bondage of bitterness I almost cried for joy. Dear friends, lets claim the beautiful truth that Christ has come to set us free....lets walk in freedom together.

A root revelation

If you're reading this and don't know me personally, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about three years. We've been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and although we had a miscarriage two years ago, we haven't been able to get pregnant since. If you're interested, you can read more about this from a series of postings I wrote last year. Scroll down to July 9 and read July 9-13.

Recently a friend asked how I was doing in this area of my life and I shared with her that while I am fine with being around babies (for the most part) it is very difficult for me when friends and family are pregnant. I told her "I just really have a problem with pregnant women."

She looked at me with kind, loving eyes and asked, as a good friend should, "Do you think there is something you should do about that?"

My first reaction was to stubbornly say, "No!" I didn't want to deal with whatever hurt or pain was in my heart that causes me to struggle with being around pregnant women.

But her question started me on a journey that I never expected to go down.

During the last few weeks, as I have I pondered her question, I have come to realize that I have allowed the pain, hurt and anger of three years of infertility to harden parts of my heart.

God has brought to light the people in my life that I am resentful toward - for achieving pregnancies easily, for not being sensitive to my struggle or for never acknowledging what I am going through. I realized I was also angry at God for allowing every person in my life (or so it seemed) to get pregnant - except for me.

This realization hit me with full force when I read the following question one morning during my devotional time: "Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? Am I proud? Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?"

While all those questions are important, did you read the last one? "If so, what am I doing about it?"

Well for three years I haven't done a thing about it. I have just clung to my hurt, pain, longing, and anger. I felt justified in holding on to these feelings and they became a crutch that I clung to in tough moments and on hard days.

My crutch came tumbling down when I read this: Bitterness will end up affecting you more than anyone else.

I doubt any of the people I hold resentment and bitterness toward have any idea that I feel this way. I am very good at covering it up. While in my mind I might have been thinking "I'll show them," I have discovered that it hasn't really affected anyone but me.

Did you know that bitterness is the unharvested fruit of anger?

My bitterness toward other people and toward God was really displaced anger. Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

Friends, I have allowed a bitter root to grow in my heart. I identify with the author who wrote, "I hadn't intended to let bitterness grow within my heart, but I hadn't actively prevented it either."

It was painful when I discovered that bitter root. It's deep and I don't want to let it go. But I also don't want to live a life of bitterness.

This week I'll be sharing the things I'm learning about recognizing resentment and bitterness in my heart, and how to begin dealing with it.

Today I'm wondering: is there any part of your heart that feels bitterness toward another? Someone who has wronged you? Someone who has hurt you either intentionally or unintentionally? A parent, spouse (or ex-spouse), a sibling or other family member, someone from a past relationship, a co-worker or boss, a neighbor, a friend, a trusted leader or role model in your life?

Let me ask you this question: Is there ANYONE whom you fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what are you doing about it?"

Home Improvement...

A few years ago, a young mom asked me if I had a list of books I could recommend to her. She knew I was a big proponent of reading and wanted me to pass along what I had read. It was then that I realized that I couldn't recall what I had read off the top of my head! Oh, there were a few books that came to my mind, but I had to dig deep to come up with a many worthy titles. I was frustrated and embarrassed that I could be so dogmatic about something and yet so clueless when it came to the specifics.

Can I spare you this scenario in your life and encourage you to spend this Home Improvement weekend setting up a system to record what you read?

Write down what you read every month. Add to this list throughout the year and at the end of the year you will have a neat inventory of what you have put in your mind. Perhaps it will shed light on how your year went as well, because what you read is what fed your mind.

If you already do catalog what you read, maybe you are ready for a more complete summary of your books. Make a short book report after reading every book.

Example:

Name and Author of Book:
Month/Year read:
Number of Pages:
Where I heard about the book:
Did it meet my expectations:
Would I recommend this book to other women:
What are key points I would like to remember: (copy quotes, key thought, or page numbers you can refer back to)

Do this for every book you read, whether it is a no-brainer or a philosophical wonder...it will reveal to you what you are spending your time on as well as what you are learning.

Sounds like added effort, I know, but when a younger woman asks you someday what you have spent your life reading...you can hand her an overstuffed notebook, filled with book reviews that will not only be beneficial to her, but will have made you into the woman you have become!

Are you desperate?

Are you desperate for help in running your home?

I recently read Desperate Households: How to Restore Order and Harmony to Your Life and Home

The author, Kathy Peel, is known as America's Family Manager. What I love most about this book is that Kathy had to learn all the principles herself. She was not naturally a morning person, she ran late, her house was disorganized and messy, and she doesn't cook. It is so refreshing to read about someone who had the same struggles I do and know that with focused time and effort, I have great potential.

Kathy divides home managing into these seven categories:

• Home & Property--overseeing the maintenance and care of all tangible assets, including belongings, house and its surroundings, and your vehicles
• Food--meeting the family's daily food and nutritional needs of your family
• Family & Friends--dealing with relational responsibilities as a parent and spouse, and with extended family, friends, and neighbors
• Finances--managing the budget, bill-paying, saving, investing, and charitable giving
• Special Events--planning and coordinating occasions--birthdays, holidays, vacations, garage sales, family reunions, and celebrations--that fall outside one's normal routine
• Time & Scheduling--managing the family calendar and daily schedule; dispatching the right people to the right place at the right time with the right equipment
• Self-Management--caring for one's body, nurturing the mind and spirit

I felt no condemnation or guilt reading these pages. Instead I felt a desire to soak in all I could to begin making the necessary changes in my home to replace chaos with calm. It's definitely a work in progress and will always be a challenge for me!

It was encouraging to read that although I desire to have a Type A personality, I think God has given me a Type B personality - and that includes how I manage and run my home. I need to recognize that and learn to manage my home in a way that fits my style.

If you find yourself desperate from time to time, (or most of the time!), you may want to check this book out.

Disappointment With God...

The title of this book caught my attention! I was in a used book store and came upon an old copy of Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey. I love his style of writing and the hard topics he chooses to write about, so I bought the book for pennies and have it practically all underlined!

Is God Unfair?

Is God Silent?

Is God Hidden?

...all I can say is you have to read the book to find out how Yancey uses the Bible to answer these questions!

His excellent style of writing allows the reader to get caught up in his thought processes with interest and personal application. Here's a line I have marked in red, " In the beginning, the very beginning, there was no disappointment. Only joy."

I found myself reading small portions at a time because I wanted to see how it fit into my relationship with the Lord. Was I disappointed with God? Could I be? Could I work through some tough questions I had 'stuffed' to this point in my life?

This isn't a 'beach book', but it is one that will sharpen your faith, I think.

I loved reading it...now my challenge is to remember it!

The Glass Castle

A book I recommend for summer reading is The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls. It would be a wonderful book to read on lazy summer afternoons or at the lake or as the sun sets at night.

The story is about Jeannette's childhood - a very unique and adventursome childhood. The Walls children grew up in poverty and traveled from city to city because neither parent could hold own a job. They learned how to survive in spite of the choices their parents made that were often not in their best interest.

It's a page-turning book that will draw out many emotions and make you question many decisions. As a reader I was encouraged to overcome obstacles in my own life and face challenges head on.

Although her childhood was incredibly dysfuntional, the author rose against all odds. It truly is a tale of survival and one that you will not soon forget.

I highly recommend it and would love to hear if you read it or have already read it!

Please share a summer book that you are reading....

The Heat Is On...So What Are You Reading?

I've heard it said that a healthy life is like a table with 4 legs. A table needs the 4 legs in order to balance correctly...and a healthy woman needs to attend to 4 areas in her life to stay balanced...her physical needs, her spiritual needs, her emotional needs and her mental needs.

I usually am more aware of my physical health in the summer as I try to exercise more and eat lighter. My emotional and spiritual needs are a daily exercise of discipline and focus...but my mental needs tend to slip abit in the summer as I am quick to head out and do something outdoors rather than hunker down and learn something.

So I make reading a top priority during the summer to keep my mental state in good repair!

I just finished reading The Great Starvation Experiment by Todd Tucker. It is a true story about men who volunteered for an experiment to see what the affects of starvation has on a body. All the men were Conscientious Objectors during World War II. Dr. Ancel Keys headed up this experiment for the government to find out how to rebuild countries that had suffered so much through starvation during the war. It is a fascinating book and a fairly easy read.

What did I take away from it? What a remarkable body I have! What extreme conditions a body can live through...and recover. The volunteers were at their optimum weight going into the experiment and all of them lost about 25% of this weight during the experiment. Yet they survived and went on to become very driven and successful men in the years that followed.

This book was recommended to me by my son who is getting his Master's in nutrition. I hesitated abit when he first suggested it...but it proved to be a very informational and intriguing book to read.

What books are you reading? Are you keeping your life in balance by stretching your mental capacities this summer? Share your list with us....and read a book that you normally wouldn't reach for and feed your mind.

Happy Independence Day!

Here's to all the men and women who sacrificially serve so we can enjoy the incredible freedom of living in America. Thank you and God bless each and every one of you.

Kilo 9

The following pictures are from a small 'village' we called Kilo 9 in the Dominican. About 40-50 people live there, and we helped to rebuild a few of their homes. The homes on the left and right have four different doors (like town homes) so multiple families live in each building, but have their own home.

What I want you to take note of is the area in the middle of the homes. See the ground? The rocks? The dirt? That's where the kids play. They have no grass. No playground. No slide or swing. No back yard. No basketball court.











































This last picture is a very sweet memory for me. The last afternoon two girls from my team and I took a dozen kids from Kilo 9 and brought them to the compound/church where we stay. We had a huge grass field to play in, we swang, played basketball and soccer and kickball, colored and did other crafts, had snacks and enjoyed suckers.

It was a precious time to be able to love these kid and bless them with a fun afternoon. It was fun to see them go crazy over bubbles and swings and cold water and lollipops. It was a reminder that we are so blessed in the U.S.

With the 4th just days away, take time to plan activities for yourself or your family that enable you to enjoy all that you've been blessed with. Go to the park, play in the sprinkler, relax at a lake, sit by the campfire.... just remember to be thankful for the little things and say a prayer for the people of Kilo 9.

Meet Malaney

Here is a picture of me and my sweet friend Malaney (Ma-lay-nee). She lives in a small village called Guayabal in the Dominican Republic.

I love this picture because we each have a headband that matches our shirt :)

Malaney lives a life of poverty. Her home consists of two rooms for her entire family. Her clothes are dirty. Her skirt is torn. Her feet have no shoes.

But look at that precious smile.

She is a beautiful girl. Her smile and her eyes light up her entire face. She was always quick to hold my hand, offer a hug and laugh out loud.

Back home, my clothes are clean. My wardrobe is not ripped. I have more shoes than I can possibly even wear.

Today I am asking myself, do my eyes light up? Do I have a ready smile for those around me? Do I reach for the hand of the loved ones in my life? Do I have hugs to offer those I come in contact with? Is laughter a consistent part of my daily life - even when life is tough?

It was easy to look past Malaney's worn clothes and dirty body while in the Dominican. But why don't I do that at home? Why do I turn away from the homeless and those begging for money? Why do I not offer my hand more readily to the sick? Why is it difficult to relate to those without much money, living in squalor and poverty here? Why do I judge people based off their appearance - if their clothes are old, dirty and worn? Why do I think any individual is less lovable than another?

These are the questions plaguing my mind today.

In the midst of it all, I am praising and thanking God for the life lessons learned from a beautiful, sweet young girl in the Dominican.

Dios te bendiga my amiga Malaney.

God bless you my friend Malaney.